


This Inhuman Place

by wrtr_aka_WmGeorge



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-30 02:27:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 64,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3919414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrtr_aka_WmGeorge/pseuds/wrtr_aka_WmGeorge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary:  A new threat converges on Sunnydale, and Xander is the one in danger.  In the midst of fighting for his life and freedom, Xander is forced to deal with his past and the misunderstandings that have arisen from it.  Is he willing to lose his friends for a future with the man he loves?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: These guys don’t belong to me. They remain the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN and anyone else who has a stake in them. I’m making no money, just doing this for kicks and kudos.
> 
> Special Thanks: Thank you to LadyQ and skargasm for the inspiration for ‘jolis yeux azurs’ (pretty blue eyes) – Xander’s term of endearment for Spike – which of course got shortened to Jolis. Another thank you to LadyMerlin for coming up with D.A.R.T. – Demon Action Response Team. 
> 
> My Betas: A very special thank you to LadyMerlin, who gave generously of her time and talent to beta this for me. My dear, you are a gem, and I appreciate every comment, every suggestion, every compliment, and every second that you spent on this. Another enormous thank you to parymdk, who has been reading and improving my writing for years, her only complaint that I ‘write faster, dammit.’ Thank you both so very much. For what I got right, the credit goes to them. For what I got wrong, mea culpa.
> 
> Warnings: Language, m/m sex, violence and the gratuitous use of pet, luv and diabetes-inducing endearments. Proceed at your own risk.
> 
> Spoilers: This is not a retelling of a specific episode, although there may be some spoilers in here. I’ve used what I wanted from various episodes, and discarded the rest. Timelines may be skewed, but then so am I. Liberties have been taken. Many. And often. If you want to find out if you like my take on Whedon’s world, read on.

**Prologue:**

            Xander leaned against the wall near the door of the Magic Box.  Another night of patrolling was over.  All that was needed to make it complete was–

            “Why are you still here, Spike?  Isn’t it time you returned to the dubious comfort of your crypt?  You’ve received your allowance of blood and cash, so run along, if you please.”

            “Giles is right, Fangless.  I’m tired of looking at you.”  Buffy glared at the vampire.  “Leave before I introduce you to Mr. Pointy, up close and personal.”

            Xander sighed.  Yep, the ritual of taunt the vamp, right on cue.  For some reason, it was suddenly too much, or more than enough, or one step too far.  Whatever.  He couldn’t listen to it any longer and didn’t think Spike should have to put up with it.  He pushed away from the wall.  “Hey Spike, what’s say we hit the road?  I’m in the mood for beer, pretzels and a pool table.”

            Spike grinned.  “Lookin’ to get trounced again, whelp?”

            Willow frowned.  “Xander, why are you inviting Spike to go somewhere with you?  Is something wrong?  I mean, something you need, um, supernatural help with?  Because if there is, you know I’d help, or Buffy would.  You don’t have to ask Spike.”

            “Nope, nothing wrong, just feeling the need for some man-type fun.”

            Buffy narrowed her eyes.  “What are you talking about?  And why would you ask Chip and Dip?  Why would you want him, and not one of us?”

            “Like I said, guy fun.  Pool, sports on the television, smelly bar and bad jokes.  Not something you lovely ladies enjoy.”

            “Okay, and I can see where you might need a guy friend to do stuff like that with, because Buffy and I aren’t so much with the smelly bar scene, and maybe we don’t like guy jokes or sports on big screens, but why Spike?  You could do those things with, with guys from work, or we could find you some guy friends from the college, although they tend to hang around in the dorms and rec areas, but still... You don’t even like Spike, and ever since... I mean, you, you hate vampires, you’ve always hated them, and did you forget Spike’s a vampire, and evil?”

            “I figured you’d be saving your money to move out of the latest crappy apartment, Xan, not spending it on the Biteless Wonder.  Shouldn’t you be heading off to work the night shift at the pizza place, or wherever?”  Buffy turned to Willow.  “Could it be mojo?  Maybe he’s under a spell, or maybe—”

            “Just drop it, you two.  I don’t hate Spike, I don’t need you to find friends for me and I’m not under a spell.  Jesus.  It’s nothing new.”

            Willow frowned.  “What do you mean, it’s nothing new?  This is very new and very much not Xander-like.  Explain, please.”

            “Just what I said.  Spike and I have been going out for drinks and pool for about six months, now.  Not my fault if you guys never noticed.”

            “We would so have noticed, mister.  Well, okay, maybe not in the last month or so, what with the heavy class load and finals, but before that, yeah.”

            “No, you didn’t, Wills.  Obviously.”

            Tara spoke quietly from beside Willow.  “I kn-knew you two were friends.  I think it’s a good thing.”

            “What?  No.  Not a good thing.  Not good at all.  You knew?  And you didn’t tell me.  Why?”

            Xander snorted.  “For Pete’s sake Willow, if you aren’t seeing something that’s right in front of you – and it isn’t like we’ve been sneaking around – then why the hell should Tara or anyone else bother to point it out?  You wanna be mad, try being mad at yourself for being so damned oblivious.  Same goes for you, Buffy.  Not that this is any business of yours.”  Xander clamped down on his anger and turned to the vampire.  “So, what do you say, Spike, ready to get out of here?”

            The blonde shrugged into his duster.  “Sounds like fun, mate.  We walking or riding?”

            Xander shook his head.  “Think I got enough exercise on patrol.”  He tossed his keys to Spike.  “Hop in and start it up, and no, you’re not driving.”  He smiled to take the sting from his words, and the other man chuckled as he headed out the door.  Xander straightened his shoulders and faced the room.  “Okay, does anyone else want to make inappropriate comments on my personal life?  Or have you decided to mind your own business?”

            Willow’s lower lip trembled.  “Xander, I just—”

            “No, you and Buffy have had your say.  And if no one else has anything to add, I’m leaving.”

            Anya smiled from behind the counter.  “Just one thing, Xander.  Have fun.”

            He winked and grinned.  “Thanks, Ahn.  Hasta la bye-bye, everyone.”  He heard the bell over the door jingle as he left the shop.

*********

            Buffy’s frown didn’t waver.  “Well, that was weird.  You think he’s gotten possessed again?”

            Anya snorted.  “You two need to get your heads out of your asses and pay attention to what’s going on around you.  No, Xander isn’t possessed.  Yes, he and Spike are friends.  Yes, they’ve been friends for quite a while.  Just how blind are you?”

            “So why are you so happy he’s out goofing off with Fangless instead of taking you home for orgasms?  Trouble in paradise?”

            Tara gasped.  “Buffy!  You know Xander and Anya aren’t, um, together anymore.”

            “What?  Since when?  Why doesn’t anyone tell me these things?”

            Anya’s eyes narrowed.  “You really are incredibly dense.  I know I was self-centered when I first became human, but what the hell is your excuse?  Last year Xander and I agreed that we make better friends than lovers, and that’s what we’ve been ever since – friends.  I’ve been dating Rupert for the past three months.  You and Willow are so caught up in your world of college and, and shoe sales or whatever, that you don’t hear anyone anymore.”  She slammed the register shut and stomped to the door.  “Good night, and I hope you both sleep poorly.”  She paused with her hand on the doorknob.  “Tara, have a pleasant evening.  Rupert, I’ll see you tomorrow.”  She left the shop, closing the door with exaggerated care.

            Willow looked at Buffy, her eyes wide and dazed.  “What just happened here?”

            Giles sighed.  “I rather think we’ve been forcefully told to mind our own business, among other things.”  He checked lights and locks, and motioned to the young women.  “Come along, it’s late and I’d like to get home.”

*********

            Spike nodded as Xander pulled away from the curb.  “Thanks, mate.”

            “For what?  Losing my temper?”

            “Stood up for me, yeah?  Against people you consider family.  Know how hard that is.  ’Preciate it.”

            “Pfft.  It’s been coming for a long time, Blondie.  Not like it’s gonna change anything.  They’ll still ignore me until they need something and still rag on you because it’s easy.”

            “No doubt.  Still, ta and all.”

            “Yeah, yeah.”  He turned down a side street and pulled into a parking space in front of Glam, a human-demon bar.  “Gotta say, I’m glad they don’t know about this place.  Buffy wouldn’t exactly be welcome here.”  He shut off the engine and pocketed the keys.  “How is that, anyway?  I mean, she usually checks out the new businesses in town, but this one’s been around for a year and she’s never shown up here.”

            Spike grinned as they opened the door and walked in.  “Got protection mojo – keeps troublemakers from finding it.  Even if she saw the name in the phone book, or someone mentioned it, she’d, uh, forget about it.  Or maybe not be able to find the street, get frustrated, give up on it and _then_ forget about it.”

            “Yeah?  So how come you knew about it?”

            “You sayin’ I’m trouble?”

            Xander laughed.  “Ya think?”

*********

            Two hours later they were done with pool and were sitting at a corner table.  Spike’s gaze flicked occasionally to the television, but neither of them were very interested in the game.

            Spike leaned and sipped his beer.  “We’ve been friends for a good bit now, yeah?  Been invited to your house, all nice and proper.”

            “Yep.”

            “And friends talk about their lives, right?”

            Xander nodded “Sure they do.”

            “So, wanna tell me what you were doing the first two years the bints were in college?”  At Xander’s blank stare, Spike’s eyebrow rose.  “Don’t give me that dozy look.  You made yourself right scarce then.  Now you’re here more, wearin’ nice clothes and drivin’ a new truck.  Wherever ya went and whatever ya did paid off.  Maybe your friends don’t see ya, doesn’t mean I don’t.  Wanna know what happened, so spill, you.”  He softened the scold with a grin, pleased to see a tiny smile appear on Xander’s face.

            “I was just surprised you noticed.”

            “Asked about you a time or two, got sod all for an answer, and didn’t know where you lived.  Couldn’t look you up, could I?  Come on, dish.”

            “When the girls made plans to start college, I was at loose ends.  A counselor told me about grants and scholarships, but it just wasn’t my scene, you know?  Didn’t want to stay in construction – I liked it, but it wasn’t satisfying enough.  Thought about tech school, cuz I like working with my hands, but that was too predictable, and still not what I wanted.  I was on my road trip – did you hear about that?”  At Spike’s nod, he continued.

            “I told everyone I got stalled in Oxnard, which is true, but that was _after_ I’d driven through northern California. In San Francisco, I met David and Elaine Henderson.  She owns a gallery, and he’s a sculptor.  I spent a few days visiting him in his studio, just messing around while he worked.  You know, drew some sketches of swords, made a few mockups in clay.  I even did some whittling that he liked.  When he saw what I’d done, he encouraged me to pursue it.  It took nearly a year of working three jobs to save enough money to _stop_ working and devote my time to trying to sell my weapons.”

            “Weapons?”

            “Yeah, I’ve always been interested in bladed weapons, even when I was a kid.  I still have my sketches from then.  Anyway, I liked the idea of doing something creative, so I decided to try it.”

            “Were you still living at home, then?”

            “Oh, hell no, couldn’t afford that.  I found a cheap studio apartment over a mom and pop store on the uh, seedier side of town.  During that year, I worked for a metal fabricator by day, a nighttime janitorial service three times a week, and weekends at a pizza parlor.  Lived on soup, sandwiches, and mac and cheese.  Drank a lot of tap water.”  He laughed.  “One good thing about the lean times, I lost the flab I’d put on that last year in high school.”

            “Never thought of you as flabby before, but I must admit you look bloody gorgeous now, pet.  Musta worked out with weights or summat to build those muscles, yeah?”

            “Um, you could say that.  Fabrication’s heavy work and so’s smacking a piece of metal with a hammer.”  He shrugged.  “Anyway, I sent photos of my work to shops and collectors all over the country.  Turned out, most of ’em liked what they saw, and the orders started coming in.”  He shook his head.  “Man, the next eight months were insane.  I moved out of the apartment and rented a warehouse.  No heat, no air, and not much furniture.  But tools and equipment, oh yeah.  Used a lot of my savings on that.  I’d get an order, walk it to the bank, and get a loan to cover the cost of the materials.  Make the item, collect the money, pay off the loan, and put half of what was left back into savings.  The rest went for rent, food, and more tools.  And then I’d do it all over again for the next order.”

            “That sort of living takes dedication.  And even though you weren’t as regular at the meetings, you still showed up whenever somethin’ big came down.  ’S a heavy load.  You got persistence.”

            “I wanted to give it a fair shot.  Anyway, eighteen months later, I had more work than I could handle, several pieces in a gallery in Los Angeles – and boy did _that_ surprise me – and enough money to pay cash for a house and build a shop.  Got a nice balance in my checking and saving accounts, and Anya invests the rest for me.  I haven’t looked back.”

            “Why haven’t you told anyone?  I figure the chits would be bragging on you something fierce.  Watcher would be right proud, too.”

            Xander ducked his head.  “I did.  Told them when I moved out of the basement, when I started selling things, when I had my first gallery show, when I bought my house.  Joyce, Dawn, and Tara showed up at the gallery on the second day of the show.  And they brought over housewarming gifts when I moved into the house.”  He chuckled.  “Anya sent me a cactus.  She read somewhere it was the perfect plant for a man.  The others – well, they weren’t too impressed with the apartment, so they probably figured when I moved again it’d be more of the same.  As for the show, they were busy and forgot, I guess.”

            Spike felt his demon snarl internally.  _Bloody wankers – busy, my arse.  Too self-centered to even hear the boy, more likely.  Deserves better, he does._   “Wish I’d been there for those announcements.  Would’ve bought you a beer to celebrate.  Hell, woulda gone to the flaming gallery, just to see you in a suit.  Bet you were a knockout.”

            “Didn’t wear a suit, but, um, thanks.  I can show you some things I’ve made sometime, if you want.”

            “You’ve made weapons for the slayer and watcher, haven’t you?”

            “Two.  Mostly replaced some things they had that were worn out and couldn’t be repaired.  Gave Buffy an axe she seems to like, and Giles got a sword.”

 _And not a word of praise or acknowledgment, eh?  Did they even bother to thank you?  Pillocks._   “I know the ones you’re talking about.  Some fine work in them.  You should be proud.”

            Xander grinned.  “Thanks, Spike.  I am.”

            “Still – and I’m not belittling your accomplishments – doesn’t seem you’ve had enough, er, time to save that much lolly.  I’ve seen your house, remember – it may not be the Taj Mahal, but it’s posh.  You have those vamp-friendly windows – must have set ya back a bit.  Not to mention the metal shutters.” Spike tilted his head and pursed his lips.  “Bit of overkill, that – one or t’other would do for a vamp, yeah?”

            Xander flushed and dropped his eyes.  “I got a helluva deal on it; it sat empty for four years.  I guess most people thought it was too far from town.  The shutters are defensive – I mean, people can get hurt by stuff that comes through windows.  Made them myself, so they didn’t cost much.  The windows were cheap, Bleachie.  Special film over tempered and reinforced glass.  Makes them nearly unbreakable.  A friend helped me find the stuff.”  He shifted in his seat.  “As for the money, uh, at the beginning, when Buffy took out a large nest of vamps, or certain demons, I’d, um, I’d go back later and sorta... Well, I’d grab their stuff to pawn.”  He mumbled the last.  “Wasn’t always much, but it built up after awhile.”

            Spike laughed.  “Good for you, mate – no sense wastin’ what they wouldn’t need, yeah?”

            Xander looked up, and a corner of his mouth twitched.  “Shoulda known you wouldn’t mind, Blondie.”

            “Nah, pet, makes sense.  Done the same in the past and so’s the watcher, if I’m any judge.  Any other hidden talents?”

            “A few.  I’ve learned to read and write several demonic languages, although I can’t speak many of them, my tang gets all tungled.  Most of my, uh, nonhuman customers order through the website or bring a translator with them if they need one.  I’ve mastered metal working techniques most humans have never heard of, and I’ve learned how to handle the weapons I make.”

            “I suppose the languages came about because of the weapon-making.  Wouldn’t be just humans wanting them.”

            Xander smiled.  “Sort of, I started studying them during research parties with the gang.  As for my customers, yeah, humans are in the minority, although I’ve been approached by a few studios to create custom designs for films.  Not sure how they found me, not like I’m famous or anything.  I haven’t decided about that, yet.  I have a hunch dealing with movie people could be a real pain.”

            “Ooh, gonna remember your ol’ pal Spike when you’re hobnobbing with the rich and incredibly boring?”

            “I’ll drag you along to jet-set with me.  Gotta have someone to poke holes in my ego.”

            Spike frowned.  “Wouldn’t do that to ya, Xan.  Wouldn’t need to, you’ve got miles of heart, and nothing in you to make you all puffed up and self-important.”

            For a moment, Xander stared at him, eyes wide and bright with pleasure.  Then he blushed and ducked his head.  “I’m not any better than anyone else, Spike.  Just as likely to get conceited as the next guy.”  He shot Spike a quick glance from brown eyes and added a crooked grin.  “But you can always knock me down a peg with a quick game of pool.”

            _Right.  Boy doesn’t want anymore serious talk.  Can do that, can’t I?_   “That’s right, mate and don’t you forget it.  Now, how you been doin’ with those training exercises I set you?  We’ve got patrol again tomorrow night – you need to get some sparring in before then?”

*****

            _Six months_ , Xander mused as he dodged a blow from the demon du jour.  _Six months since I lost my temper and told them to butt out of my life.  For all the good it did.  They still snipe at Spike and ignore me.  Actually, more than they used to.  Only good thing is that Spike and I are a lot closer now_.  He ducked another hit but stumbled on the uneven ground.  The demon took advantage of Xander’s imbalance, grabbed his arm, and slung him away.

            Xander pushed himself off the headstone he’d landed against and took a moment to survey the scene before him.  The largest, strongest demons faced off against Buffy, four demons that he knew were immune to magic closed in on Tara, Willow and Giles, and three humans were punching and kicking Spike with glee.  Two vampires were running toward the slayer, ready to aid the demons she fought.  “Shit, this isn’t accidental.”  He ran toward Spike, raising his voice to call to the others.  “We need to retreat, head to the truck.”

            Predictably, arguments rang out from the group, but he overrode their protests.  “Damn it, they’re using our weaknesses against us.  Fall back to the truck, now!”  He barreled into the men attacking Spike and sent them sprawling, hoisted the unconscious vampire up in a fireman’s carry, and kept moving.  “All of you, with me or you’ll be left behind.”  For the first time that evening, he was glad they’d come in his truck.  It was newer and more reliable than any of their cars, and with the extended cab they all fit.  Barely, but at least he wouldn’t have to worry about anyone being stranded by a dead battery or faulty starter.

            The rest of the group finally caught on, and piled into the truck after him, Buffy bringing up the rear.  He started the truck, threw it into drive, and sped out of the cemetery. 

            Xander glanced in the rearview mirror at his passengers.  They looked shell shocked, and he didn’t blame them.  None of them seemed to be seriously hurt, however, other than the silent blonde next to him.  “Tara, can you lean up and check on Spike for me?”

            The quiet witch slid forward and gently ran her hands over the vampire.  “I can’t feel any serious cuts or broken bones.  He has a lump on his head, but it isn’t bleeding.”

            Xander sighed in relief.  “Thanks.  Okay, we need to catch some zees and regroup tomorrow.  Maybe come up with a new strategy.  Giles, when and where do you want to meet?”

            Buffy glared at him.  “Why don’t _you_ tell us?  You seem to be all take-chargey guy.”

            “Look, I could see what was happening and just—”

            “You ordered us to _retreat_.  We don’t retreat, damn it.  We fight.  Besides, I’m the slayer, I say what we do.”

            “Geez, Buff, get a grip, I’m not trying to take over your gig or anything.  But someone needed to—”

            “Yeah, well, that someone shouldn’t have been you.  You’re not like brain-trust material or anything.”

            Giles pinched the bridge of his nose and spoke up.  “Enough.  We can discuss this tomorrow.  We’ll meet at noon, at the Magic Box.”

            Xander pulled up in front of the store and turned to face the back seat.  “No can do, G-man.  I work until six in the evening.”

            “I’ve repeatedly asked you not to call me that, Xander.”  The others climbed out of the truck and waited for Giles.  “Very well, will seven p.m. suit?”

            “Why don’t you skip work, Xander?  It’s not like you can’t find another minimum-wage job if you lose this one.  You’ve done it before.”  Buffy’s voice dripped sarcasm.

            Xander forced words from between clenched teeth.  “We’ll meet later, or you’ll meet without me.  Take your pick.”

            Giles sighed.  “Buffy, I don’t need you to exacerbate things.  If he has to work, then we can accommodate his schedule.  Is seven late enough, Xander?”

            “Yeah, we’ll be there.”

            “We?”

            “Spike and I.  I’ll take him home with me, make sure he’s okay.”

            “Are you sure that’s wise?”

            “I’m not gonna leave him helpless in his crypt, Giles.  He deserves better than that.”  He stared at the older man, and something of his determination must have gotten through, because Giles simply nodded, closed the truck door, and turned away.

            “So, Blondie, just me and thee.  I sure hope you wake up soon.”  He pulled away from the curb and turned toward home.  Time enough to worry about the fallout from tonight in the morning.  Right now, he had a vamp to heal.

*********

            Buffy watched Xander drive away and then turned to the group gathered on the sidewalk.  “Okay, this has to stop.  First, he’s friends with Fangless, and now he’s taking him _home_?  There’s definitely something major wrong here.”

            “Maybe he’s just worried.  Spike didn’t look very healthy.”

            Buffy stared at Tara.  “So what?  Give him some blood and leave him, I say.  You don’t know Xander the way we do.  He’s a clumsy, naive amateur.  Spike can’t be trusted and Xander should know that.”

            “Don’t be mean to Tara.  I know you’re worried about Xander, but there’s no reason to talk to her like that.  And yeah, I’m big with the worry – Xander isn’t acting like himself, but I don’t know what we can do about it.”  Willow chewed on her lower lip and frowned.

            Anya unlocked the Magic Box and ushered the others inside.  “You are all so, so blind!  They’ve been friends nearly a year, and still you won’t accept it.”  Buffy opened her mouth to speak, but Anya held up her hand.  “If you know so much about Xander then you know how loyal he is.  He would never leave Spike alone when he’s hurt.  No more than he’d leave you, or Willow, or any of us.”  She stalked to the counter and tossed her weapons down.  “Furthermore, if you think I’m going to stand around and just listen while you badmouth the best friend I have, you’re mistaken.  I’m going home.”  She grabbed her purse and left, slamming the door behind her.

            Buffy clenched her fists.  She could feel the adrenaline from the fight still pumping through her veins and she wanted to scream, or beat something half to death.  “I don’t get this sudden about face of hers.  Why isn’t she screaming for vengeance?  Why is she suddenly supporto-gal for Xander?  What the hell is going on?”

            Tara shook her head.  “None of you seem to give him the credit he’s due.  I thought, after Glory, you’d see how much he’s changed.”

            Willow sighed.  “Tara, honey, we really don’t want to talk about Glory.  I’ve been studying spells like crazy, Buffy’s training harder than ever, and Giles has been researching everything he can, just in case she comes back.  Besides, what does that have to do with Xander?”

            The blonde witch frowned.  “She can’t come back, you know that.  Xander took care of it.”

            Giles pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Whatever are you talking about?  How did Xander make sure Glory couldn’t come back?”

            “He killed Ben.  You must have seen it, or figured it out when Ben’s body was left at the tower.”  Tara’s eyes widened.  “You didn’t know?  He never told you?”  She sighed.  “Poor Xander, all this time he’s carried that burden alone.  Oh goddess, give him strength.”

            Willow sat down abruptly.  “He killed Ben?  But Ben was human.  Why would Xander kill a human?  How could he _do_ that?  No, he wouldn’t – not the Xander we know.”

            “Dear lord, I know he blurted out that suggestion, but I never thought he was serious.  That’s simply—”

            Buffy snarled.  “It’s more proof that something’s wrong.  _We don’t kill humans_.  And if he did, why wouldn’t he tell us, so we could stop worrying?”

            Tara shook her head.  “Most likely, because he knew how you’d all react.  He told us several times who Ben was, but we kept forgetting.  Even now, you don’t remember what happened, or maybe you didn’t see.  You _do_ remember him telling us Ben was Glory’s host, don’t you?”

            “I know that’s what he _said_ , but he couldn’t prove it.  Ben was a nice guy, a doctor.  He helped people.  Why would–”

            Tara’s voice was strong and steady, with no trace of her shy stutter.  “I see.  You liked Ben, so he couldn’t be what Xander said.  Even though Ben was always nearby when Glory appeared.  Even though Glory’s been gone nearly a year.  Even though Xander _told you_ she couldn’t come back, because Ben was dead.  You act as if he committed the murder of an innocent babe.  Ben knew what Glory was and what she was doing.  He had to agree to her possession from the start, and he could have ended it with his own death at any time.”  She turned cool eyes on the others.  “Xander did what needed doing.  It was self-defense on a worldwide scale.  If you think less of him for that, you’re fools.”  She gathered her things and left the shop.

            Willow bit her lip.  “I’ll talk to her.  Maybe she’s wrong about... I can’t believe Xander would just kill someone.  Not like that, not in cold blood.”  She hurried after her lover.

            Buffy stared at Giles.  “If he did, does that mean Glory can never come back?”

            “If the mortal form is gone, then she cannot return.”  Giles sighed.  “Had I known who her human persona was, I would have ended his life myself.”

            “What?  No!  It was _murder_ , Giles.  That’s wrong, you know that.”

            The watcher lifted his head, staring down at her.  “Really?  One person – who knowingly let a hell god take up residence within his body – against an entire world.  That’s not murder, Buffy.  As Tara said, it’s self-defense.  And I would have done it without hesitation.  If you condemn Xander, you must also condemn me.”


	2. Chapter One

            Xander got Spike cleaned up and settled in his bedroom, took a five-minute shower, and returned to ponder the still-sleeping vampire.  “You’re too pale and thin, Spike.  Haven’t been getting enough blood, or the right kind, have you?  We’ve talked about this before.  Why didn’t you come to me?  We’ve been friends a long time, good friends for several months.  You have to know I’ll help, even if the others won’t.  Pride shouldn’t count for so much, Blondie.  Not between us.  And damn it, Giles should know you need more than an ounce or two of animal blood every other day.”  He stomped into the kitchen, grabbed a few bags of human blood from the built-in freezer, and began heating them in the microwave.  “What am I saying?  Giles knows, he just doesn’t care.”  Xander stared at the floor between his feet.  “How can he not care?  Spike helps us every night.  He’s saved all our hides more than once, and he gets short rations in return.  Not to mention a Buffy smack down whenever she’s frustrated, angry, or on the rag.”  The microwave dinged, and he emptied the packets into two large drink bottles.  He screwed the caps on tightly and studied the pop-up tops.  He chuckled.  “Look like giant ketchup dispensers.  Should work – just open his mouth, squeeze, and rub his throat so he’ll swallow.  Right.”

            He walked into the bedroom and sat next to the silent vamp.  “Okay, five pints of human, coming up.  I hope this works, buddy.  And please, try not to dribble on the sheets.”  He began feeding Spike, talking to him the whole time.  “Can’t figure out why you don’t buy more and better blood – you’re starving yourself.  Not gonna let that happen anymore, so I’ll line up the good stuff for you.  You’re just gonna have to swallow your pride and accept it.  Outcasts like us have to stick together.

            “Speaking of which, maybe it’s time I ask you to stay here permanently.  I’ve been wanting to for a while now, I just wasn’t sure of, well, of anything, really.  You’ve bunked here before, you know I have the room.  After all, how wonderful can it be to live in a crypt?  Television reception has to be sucky at best, and there’s no room for a big-screen TV.  So yeah, staying here could be a good thing.  Right?  Safer, too, cuz you know this place is warded so well a flea with bad intentions couldn’t get in.  Not to mention a top-dollar security system.”  He snorted.  “The others might think I’m too stupid to survive, and that I take too many chances, but it isn’t true.  I spent months studying protection wards with my mentor, talking with some trustworthy demons and magic-users, and I learned what I needed to know so I could do it right.  Had help, but I did most of it myself.  Wouldn’t trust it to anyone else.

            “And that sounds weird, I guess, cuz Willow’s a witch and she could’ve... But, I bet you’d understand.  Her magic isn’t always reliable.  She uses potions and spells like a kid with a new chemistry set, and that’s just scary.  Not what I wanna trust when it comes to my home and safety.  Tara’s good, but asking her would’ve caused problems between her and Wills.  That would be so not cool.”

            The first bottle was empty, and still no response from Spike.  Xander sighed, switched bottles, and continued to feed the pale blonde.  “Hey, another reason you should stay here.  Shutters on all the windows, the kind that totally block the sun.  A covered back patio that’s always shady, so you can go outside and get fresh air even during the day.  And I could put an awning over the pool, so you could swim whenever you wanted.”

            He sighed again.  “Yeah, like those are the real reasons I want you here.  I mean, they’re valid reasons, sure, but you know all that stuff already.  See, it’s like this.  We’re friends, and maybe we could be – well, more than friends.  I know, not likely.  What would the Big Bad want with me, the Zeppo of the group?  And a male Zeppo at that.  Even though I’m not.  Well, I am male but I’m not... I know that’s what they see, but maybe you... Hell, who am I kidding?  Only two people have ever really seen me, and one of them’s dead.  Still, dreams are free, right?”

            Xander carried the empty bottles to the kitchen, washed them, and made himself a sandwich.  He carried it and a bottle of water to the bedroom, pulled a chair close to the bed, and sat down to eat.  “Get better soon, okay?”

*********

            Spike drifted, stuck in the twilight of a healing sleep.  He remembered the fight in the cemetery and the chip firing almost constantly as he tried to defend himself.  Blocking the punches and kicks had caused the humans pain, so the chip fired.  Hell, it had fired when they’d bruised their knuckles hitting him.  One of them had hit him in the back of the head with something hard, and he’d lost consciousness.  He’d slid from unconsciousness into a healing sleep when Xander began tenderly cleaning and dressing his wounds.  So now, he knew where he was, and why.  He knew he’d been fed human blood, and by whom.  What the boy didn’t know, what very few people knew, was that in a healing sleep a vampire could smell, feel, and hear everything that went on around him, he just couldn’t respond.  Only the threat of death could pull a vampire out of it.  He’d heard everything Xander had said, even his mutterings in the kitchen.  The vampire pondered the situation.  How had he’d missed the boy’s interest in him?  _Gonna have us a long talk when I wake, pet._   He had no trouble waiting for the healing sleep to end.  It would give him more time to think.

            He’d been attracted to Xander ever since the poof had offered him the boy’s neck in the high school.  Farce that it was, it had brought the teen to his attention.  Young and frightened as he’d been, Xander had stood brave and strong – the barbs he spat at Angel had nearly undone Spike. _Never thought I had a chance, what with Dru hanging onto me like a leech, and the slayer always around Xander.  Certainly not after the Initiative and their thrice-damned chip._   His stay in the basement during that initial time of adjustment was almost surreal.  The mortal had treated him like a guest, not an encumbrance.  Set up a place for his few belongings and gave him the courtesy of what privacy there was.  The dark-haired youth had a wicked sense of humor, biting without being demeaning.  Played a decent game of pool, fought well enough for an untrained adjunct to the slayer, and was more intelligent than he let on to the rest of the gang.  They’d been developing a friendship of sorts.  Initially the demon bint had been put out by that.  Didn’t like him cutting into her time with Xander.  The dark-haired mortal had been gentle but firm in explaining the need for friends to her – oddly enough, that seemed to both calm Anya and herald the end of their affair.  After Spike had been ‘allowed’ to return to his crypt, he hadn’t seen much of Xander aside from occasional research meetings and patrol.  The last several months had changed that.  They’d passed many an evening together and become good friends.

            When he woke, should he tell Xander he’d heard everything, and risk embarrassing the man?  Or should he act on the knowledge without revealing it?  Xander was an honest bloke, and might come over angry if he thought Spike was playing him.  Not to mention, he always seemed to know when someone was lying.  He might let it pass, but Spike had seen the knowledge in those expressive brown eyes.  _Besides, demon though I may be, I want him to come to me of his own free will, not cuz I tricked him.  Best be straightforward, then.  Tell the truth and shame_ the _devil, as Mum used to say_.  He wanted to laugh – right amusing, him shaming the devil.

*********

            Xander woke slowly, his neck stiff and left arm numb from the elbow down.  He groaned and rolled his head back and forth, wondering why he’d fallen asleep in the chair.  Spike.  His eyes popped open and he stared at the comatose vampire.  Even in the dimness of the shuttered room, he could tell that Spike hadn’t moved.  _He isn’t dust, so that’s good.  But why isn’t he awake?_   Xander checked the clock and saw it was noon.  Twelve hours had passed since he’d sat down to eat.  Before that, he’d given the vampire five pints of human blood.  _Maybe he needs more?  I can do that._

            He went to the kitchen and heated five more pints, dumped them into the plastic bottles he’d used last night, and returned to the bedroom.  “Okay, Blondie, here we go again.  If this doesn’t work, I’ll have to bite the bullet and ask for help.”  He began the slow process of feeding the unconscious man.  “Not real sure who I’d call.  Giles might know what’s wrong, but would he tell me?  Angel would definitely know, he’s a vamp, after all.  Um, I’m not exactly high on his list of favorite people, and vice versa, so I don’t know if I’d even get through to him.  Then there’s my mentor, but I’m not sure if he can help.”

            He noticed the vampire was swallowing on his own, and figured that was a hopeful sign.  “Way to go, Spike.  Soon you’ll be awake and snarky as ever.  Although a little less snark would be nice.  Still, it’s always fun sniping and trading insults with you.”  He looked at the lips that surrounded the bottle’s spout and bit his own.  “Can think of other things I’d rather do with you, but that’ll have to wait, huh?”  He brushed a blonde curl off the pale forehead.  “You’re so... Well, I suppose I should say handsome, cuz you’re a guy, but truth?  You’re beautiful.  My beautiful Spike.  If only you were really mine.”  He shook his head.  _No point in thinking about that_.

            “Oh, hey, I never told you about my mentor.  He’s teaching me magic.  And I guess that statement needs some explaining, cuz I’ve always been against the gratuitous use of mojo.”  The second squeeze bottle burped the last of the blood, and Xander stood.  “Let me clean these out and then I’ll fill you in on the weird life of Xander Harris.”  He headed back to the kitchen, washed the bottles, and grabbed a soft drink for himself.

*********

            Spike swam lazily back to the surface of his mind.  His inner clock, always reliable, told him it was early afternoon.  He’d been here over twelve hours, the longest he’d ever taken to heal, and he still wasn’t ready to wake.  He felt a thread of unease.  _Never slept this long.  What could be the trouble?_

            He heard the whisper of bare feet over carpet, and knew Xander was back in the room.  _Boy has a luscious scent – the warmth of the sun, cinnamon and sugar, and something that makes me think of the African Savannah – like high grasses and freedom._   He wondered what Xander would talk about now – why would he need a magic instructor?  Why wouldn’t he go to the watcher?  He hoped he’d find out.  He heard rustling and the slight creak of springs as Xander returned to the chair by the bed.  _Tell on – can hardly wait to hear this_.

            “Okay, so where was I?  Oh yeah, my mentor.  It started with the possessions.  See, one Halloween, we all, uh, became our costumes.  I don’t know if you saw me, you were after Buffy.  I was dressed as a soldier, so tada, I’m all gung-ho and lock and load.”

            _Remember that, looked bloody edible, you did_.

            “Before that, there was a field trip to the zoo.  I got possessed by a hyena spirit.  The alpha hyena, no less.  Then there was the swim team debacle.  Coach wanted a winning team, so he juiced the guys up on mermaid steam.  Thankfully, I only got one treatment.  No leftover stuff there, except an aversion to processed fish.”  He chuckled.  “More on that later.  The thing is, if there’s badness to be done to someone, or a spirit wandering around looking to possess a person, I seem to be the go-to guy.  Giles thought he got rid of the hyena, and he thought the soldier disappeared when the magic in the costumes was undone.  Maybe that’s true for most folks, but in my case they’re still there, along with some other stuff.  Well, okay, the other stuff’s gone, but it wasn’t then.  That’s why I needed help.”

            _More than the possessions?  Although that’s enough for most folks.  You’re bloody strong, luv_.  He heard the snap/hiss of a can being opened and the fizz of the bubbles as Xander took a drink. _Come on, finish the story_.

            “Anyway, after the second possession, I sorta thought Giles wasn’t doing the exorcisms right.  There shouldn’t have been any trace of them left, but there was and still is.  The soldier gives me weapons knowledge, fighting skills, and military know-how.  His presence isn’t as strong as the hyena, which is very basic, animalistic.  I’m not sure how to describe it.  She thinks, because I do, but, her thoughts are almost like images, or blocks of feelings and concepts.  Not so much with the words.  She’s very strong, and at first I was overwhelmed by her.”

            _Bloody hell, she’s a Primal_.  His respect for the mortal increased.  Not many survived possession by a Primal with their sanity intact.  _So what’s the last bit?_

            “The third thing – he found some spells on me.  They’d been cast without my knowledge or consent, and when I found out about them, it just about crushed me.  I needed someone to read the castings and make sure every trace of them was gone.  Someone who could teach me how to protect myself from more spells, because – just because.  And I needed to know about the possessions – why they stuck around, and why I seem to draw spirits – you probably remember that yucky Thanksgiving.”

            _Yeah, tough to forgot bein’ stuck in a chair and shot at with arrows._

            “Anyway, the person I chose tried to explain things to me.  Turns out, I’m empathic.  Easily possessed, and not easily exorcised, because part of my make up latches onto to the possessing spirit and refuses to release it.  Even stranger, I have the yen to give in to the spirit’s, um, passions.  It’s kinda scary, but I’ve learned to control it, for the most part.  Or to channel it in useful ways.  I also seem to be a demon magnet, although we don’t know what that’s about.”

            _Noticed that.  Could be your scent – bit o’heaven, that is.  Could be the empath.  Not many of your type around.  Be a rare catch for any demon lookin’ to impress its clan.  Gotta watch out for you, keep you safe._   He frowned mentally when he realized he couldn’t do a damn thing at the moment.  _Startin’ to get a bit worried here.  Might be best if you got some help, Xan._

            He heard Xander finish his drink and leave the room.  A few minutes later, he was back in the chair in the bedroom.

            “Not liking the silent vamp bit, Spike.  Much as I want you in my bed, this isn’t how I pictured it.  I’m gonna call for advice.  If you want to stop me, you’ll have to wake up to do it.”

            _Can’t wake up, pet_.

            “Okay, here goes nothing.”

            Spike waited.  He could do nothing else, frustrating as that was.  He heard the phone ring, the click as it was picked up, and a rich, male voice that teased him with its familiarity.

            “Hello, Alexander.”

            “Hey, Teach.  Is it magical know-how that tells you who’s calling?”

            “But of course, it’s the mystical power of caller i.d.”  The man chuckled.  “Now, what can I do for you?”

            “Got a problem.  Spike was hit on the head last night, and he isn’t waking up.  Something’s really wrong.  I’ve never read of healing sleep lasting more than seven or eight hours, and that was when the vamp was near death.”

            _Got that right.  But who the hell are ya talkin’ to?  Know that voice, just can’t place it._

            “I’ll try to help, but this isn’t my area of expertise.  How serious was the injury?”

            “Not very, but he’s been underfed for a while.  Giles had him on pig’s blood, of all things.”

            “Hmm, short rations, I suppose?”

            _Bloody right.  Master vamp like me needs more’n a pint a day._

            “Very short.  I’ve given him ten pints of human in the last twelve hours, and he still hasn’t moved.  In fact, he couldn’t even swallow the first batch.  Any ideas at all?”

            “Unfortunately, no.  I will, however, look into it for you.  In the meantime, I suggest you ask the watcher.  He has much more experience in this than I.”

            “Yeah, figured I’d call him next.  But even if he knows what the problem is, he might not want to help.”

            “True, but you must try.  I’ll do what I can, you have my word.  Let me know if you learn anything, please.  You might also consider checking with Angel.”

            _Bloody wanker might let me rot just for spite.  Or he might help.  Never know which way he’ll jump._

            “Thought of that, too.  I’ll keep you posted.  Bye.”  He’d barely disconnected when he dialed another number.  “Giles, something’s wrong with Spike.  He still isn’t awake, and his injuries weren’t that bad.”

            “Xander, I’m sure he’ll recover, given time.  You might try feeding him human blood, if you’re that concerned.”

            Xander snorted.  “Did that already, ten pints and no change.  Wanna try to convince me that’s normal?”

            “Why are you so worried?  Is he... Does he have some sort of hold over you?”

            _Oi!  Wouldn’t do nothing to the boy.  Pillock_.

            “Oh for the love of... No, he doesn’t.  He fights for us, protects us, fucking bleeds for us – isn’t that reason enough to take care of him?  Hell, he was tortured by Glory, and stood firm.  That rates, in my book.”

            “And I’m sure he does it all out of the kindness of his heart.  Have you forgotten Adam?”  The sarcasm in the watcher’s voice was hard to miss.  “He has little choice, he can hardly fend for himself, you know.”

            _After all this time you still think... Not a powerless fledge, Watcher_.

            “I know you’re an intelligent man, _Rupert_.  Let’s apply some logic, okay?”  Spike felt a thrust of pride at the edge of anger in Xander’s voice.  “He’s a master vampire, in a town full of fledges, demons, and assorted bad guys.  He can hurt anything that isn’t human.  What’s to stop him from setting up his own army?  Why doesn’t he hire people to protect him, or to take us out, or both?  What’s to stop him from destroying our homes, leaving us out in the cold and virtually defenseless?  Hell, if Spike really wanted revenge, all he’d have to do is duck at the right time on patrol.”

            _Good thinking.  Could do all that if I wanted_.

            Giles sighed.  “I doubt he commands enough respect in the demon community to set himself up as a leader.  He’s been hunting them, after all.  And he doesn’t have any money to hire anyone with.  If he destroyed our homes, where would he live?”

            “Listen to yourself.  Do you really believe that?  He could command respect by virtue of his rep alone.  One-fourth of the Scourge?  I think that might gain him some followers.  Sure, he’s been hunting demons and fledges, but he could pass that off as cleaning house.  And he’s been doing it for _us_ , damn it – after all this time, that demands at least some loyalty _from_ us.  As for Adam – hell, I don’t blame him for that.  If it were me, I’d do anything to be free of the damn chip.  Oh, and he has plenty of money.  Angel told me when I called to let him know about the chip.”

            “When and why did you call Angel?  What happens here is no longer any of his business.”

            “ _Spike_ is his business, and I thought Angel, _the vampire_ , should be warned about the Initiative, just in case he had to come back here for some emergency.  I may not like Angel, but he’s helped us in the past.  Fair is fair.  Riley’s still here – to me, that says the Initiative is alive and well.  I called Angel about a week after Spike showed up here.  But all this is beside the point.”

            “Indeed?  What _is_ the point?”

            “What the hell’s wrong with Spike, and are you gonna help?  That’s the damn point.”

            “Perhaps the chip is interfering with his ability to heal.  I wouldn’t help you disable it even if I knew how, since I do not want Spike to return to his bloodthirsty ways.  And I do _not_ appreciate your language or your tone.”  He paused.  “We can discuss this further tonight.  If you still plan on attending, that is.”

            “Fine.  Sorry I took up your time.”  Spike noticed he didn’t apologize for his ‘language or tone’ and silently cheered him.

            _No choice now, pet – no one left but the poof_.

            “Hell, guess I’ll have to call Broodboy.  Damn it, he won’t... Well, I’ll just make him listen.”  Again he dialed, and again Spike listened.

            “Angel Investigations, we help the—”

            “Cordy, hi, lemme talk to Angel.  It’s an emergency.”

            “Xander?  What kind of emergency?  Why are you calling?  What makes you think Angel’s at the beck and call of the Scoobies?  And why—”

            “Cordy!”

            “What?”

            “You can ask all the questions you want after I talk to him.  Now put him on the phone.  Please.”

            “Fine.  Angel, phone!  Xander says it’s an emergency and he won’t tell me anything.”

            Spike winced mentally at the shrill shout.  He knew the poof had invested in an intercom.  There was the clatter and click of another line being picked up, and then Angel’s somber tone was there.

            “Xander, what’s wrong?  Why are you calling?  Is everyone else... Are they all right?”

            “Spike is what’s wrong.  He received a head injury over twelve hours ago and won’t wake up.  And everyone else couldn’t care less, that’s why I’m calling.”  He filled the master vampire in on everything he’d tried, and waited.

            “It must be the chip.  I’ve been digging around, trying to discover how it works.  Unfortunately, I haven’t had much success.  The only thing I’ve found is that the one in Spike is a prototype and was never meant to remain in place this long.”

            “So, they were going to take it out?  That means someone knows how, right?”

            _Doubt it, luv_.

            “No, it means they didn’t expect him to survive this long.  Keep feeding him human blood, maybe he’ll pull out of it.  I don’t know what else to tell you, Xander.”

            “What about sire’s blood?  Would that help?”

            “Sorry, no.  There are no healing properties to sire’s blood.  That’s a myth.”

            “Figures.”  Spike could almost hear the wheels turning in Xander’s head.  “Okay, I’ll take care of it.”

            “You?  How... What are you going to do?”

            _Curious ’bout that m’self_.

            “Fix him, that’s what.  I’ll have Spike call you when he’s better.”  He hung up and dialed again.  “Hey Teach.  The consensus seems to be that the chip is the problem.  That spell we worked out – still think it’s a good one?  It won’t do any harm, right?”

            _Don’t much care for mojo.  Doesn’t always work right on vamps._

            “The spell itself is simple and elegant. It’s also quite powerful.  As you know, intent is key in magic.  Are your intentions pure?  That is, do you want this to work because you believe it to be the right thing to do, or are your motives at all selfish?”

            “We’re safe on that front.  In fact, I could lose a lot if it works.”

            “Ah, I see.  Then, yes, in that sense it’s a good spell.  I would perform it for you, but I fear my background would interfere.  At any rate, the spell might cause him some pain initially, but that will be minor compared to the pain the chip itself causes.  He’ll heal from the aftermath in a few hours, but I don’t know how much time he’ll need to recover from whatever damage the chip’s already done.  Alexander, are you positive you want to do this?”

            _Do what?  What are you planning?_

            Xander’s voice was quiet and sorrowful.  “I have to, he could be dying.”

            _Don’t be sad.  ’M not gonna die, gonna stick around for you._

            “Very well.  If you should need me, for any reason, you’ve only to pick up the phone.  You know that, don’t you?”

            “I do.  And thanks for everything.”  He hung up and left the room.  Spike heard him moving around the house for a few minutes before he returned to the bedroom.  To his surprise, Xander crawled up to sit next to him on the bed.

            “Okay, Spike, we’re all tucked in, doors are locked, house phone turned off, and answering machine volume turned down.  I wish I could really talk to you, wish you could answer me.”

            _Wish you could hear me, Xan_.

            “Anyway, for the past three months, my mentor and I have been fine-tuning a spell.  It can destroy the chip.  I found out what it’s made of, and we wrote a spell that will, um, reduce it to its base elements.  Some silica, gold and minerals that your body will absorb without a problem.  I know magic and vampires is an uneasy mix, but this isn’t actually a spell on you – it’s on the thing inside you.  Thought about just wiping it with a degausser, but you’d still have a piece of junk in your head, and that can’t be good.  Other methods, like electricity or heat, wouldn’t be good for you, ya know?  And none of those things are guaranteed to work.  That thing’s in there so deep trying could do more damage than leaving it alone.”

            _Gotta agree with... Hold on, three months, you said?  But you didn’t know I... Hell, you still don’t know.  Why?  Why would you do that?_

            “See, what the Initiative did was wrong.  It would have been kinder to stake you.  Not that I wanted that, but to chip you is just ... evil.”  He felt Xander shift on the bed, and then warm fingers carded through his hair.  “Even before the hyena possessed me, I hated zoos.  Always thought they were cruel.  I felt the animals deserved to be free.  Afterward, I couldn’t bear to go to one.  She chose me, you know?  I didn’t understand, and then she resented me, after Giles tried and failed to get rid of her.  She was caged in my head.  Now we both know how to work with each other, but then... It was hard for her, for us.  She finally realized I don’t have a choice about it, and I try to let her out as much as I can.  In return, she helps me in a lot of ways – doesn’t fight me, cuz that would hurt me, which would hurt her.  It’s a symbiotic relationship.”

            _Got one of those m’self._

            “So I know how it feels to have part of yourself locked up.  I can’t let you stay like this.  I know you might go back to your bloodthirsty ways, as Giles puts it.  If you do, then, then I’ll have to live with that.  If you go after my friends, I’ll fight you.  And I’ll have to live with that, as well.  But the chip is more horrible than anything the Scourge did.  I can fix it for you.  So you don’t hurt anymore, so you can defend yourself.  And if it means you leave for, um, greener pastures, I’ll manage somehow.”

            _You’d do it, wouldn’t you?  Even if you knew I’d walk out of here five seconds after you freed me, you’d still do the bloody damn spell.  You care that much.  Ah, luv, you’re a rare and wonderful person.  Gonna make sure you know that, when I wake up._

            “I’ll probably fall asleep after I perform the spell.  It’ll take a lot out of me.  I’ve left you a note, so you’ll know what happened, and, and maybe you won’t want to... But I don’t want you to stay out of gratitude, I just... Oh, hell.”  He took a deep, shaky breath.  “If you’re still here when I wake, and if you’re not all angry and... Well, we can talk then, I guess.”

            _Count on it_.

            He settled his hands on Spike’s head and spoke a few words in a language the vampire didn’t recognize.  Spike felt a sharp pain at the back of his skull that settled into a dull, pervasive throb.  Darkness clawed at his mind, but he held on, wanting to know what his friend would do next.

            Xander shifted again on the bed, brushed trembling fingers through Spike’s hair, and placed a tender kiss on his brow.  “Want to say this to you at least once, even if you can’t hear me.  Might not have a chance, later.”  He sighed.  “I love you, Spike.  Have for a while.  I hope... Well, I just hope. See you later, jolis yeux azurs.”

            _Pretty blue eyes?_ Spike gave a mental chuckle at the endearment. _Love you, too.  See you in a bit._ He let the healing sleep pull him all the way under, feeling safe in Xander’s care.

*********

            Spike woke, feeling better than he had since escaping the Initiative.  Add in that he was stretched out on a comfortable bed, surrounded by soft blankets, with the sleeping weight of Xander curled against him, and he was also happier than he’d been in decades.  He opened his eyes to see a head topped with curly brown hair resting on his shoulder.

            Amazing how things could change in a day.  Last night, he’d been living in a crypt, nothing to look forward to but the chance of spending time with a certain brown-eyed Scooby now and again.  To get that chance, he’d had to endure abuse from the slayer, disdain from the watcher, and fearful suspicion from the redhead.  Now, here he was, wrapped in strong arms, being used as a body pillow.  He ran a gentle hand down the warm, broad back and smiled at the contented, sleepy sound the mortal made.

_Gonna lose myself in you if I’m not careful.  Might be too late as it is.  Already got me feelin’ sappy and wantin’ the best for you.  My demon’s near purrin’ to have ya so close._

_I Put A Spell On You_ began to play and the man in his arms stirred.  “Shh, pet, it’s just the phone, yeah?  Ignore it.”

            “Mmph.  Can’t.  That’s my mentor.”  Xander shifted around, reached into the pocket of his sweatpants, and fished out his cell phone, all without opening his eyes.  “H’lo, Teach.  S’okay, was just napping.  Uh-huh.  That’s good to hear.  Sure.  Gimme twenty to wake up?  Thanks.”  He closed and pocketed the phone, stretched, and opened sleepy brown eyes.  “Guess I faded on you, huh?”

            “That you did, but not to worry, was a bit tired m’self.”  He placed a gentle kiss on warm lips and smiled into startled eyes.  “Gonna have to talk, next bit of private time we have.  For now, just know I won’t hurt anyone, and I won’t leave.”

            Xander paled and then blushed, the color bright on his cheeks.  “Oh god, you _heard_ me?  I’m s-sorry... I wouldn’t have said... Oh, geez, you must think... I know you don’t want... We can still be friends, right?”

            “None of that, luv.  No need to be sorry, or embarrassed.  Besides, you’re jumping to some powerful conclusions on no evidence, now aren’t you?  Who says I don’t want?  Why wouldn’t I?”  He framed that precious face with his hands.  “Look at you.  Bloody perfect, you are.  Fit, handsome, smart, and talented.  Just never thought I could have, and didn’t fancy being swept out the door after you dusted me for trying.  What you said was what I most wanted to hear, yeah?  But we’ll talk more later.”  He caressed the warm cheek and sat up.  “Your teacher wants to bring a protection charm over, remember? ’Spect we should stir ourselves and get sorted, then.” 

            “How did you... Oh, vamp hearing, huh?”

            “Tough to have a private conversation with me around.  Not bein’ nosy.”

            “No biggie, I would’ve told you anyway.”  He gave Spike a quick, shy kiss and sat up.  “C’mon, Blondie, blood for you, coffee for me, and maybe some food.  Deal?”

            Spike scooted to the edge of the bed and stood.  “Deal.  You want me to make m’self scarce when he gets here?”

            Dark eyebrows drew together.  “Why would I want that?  I’d like to introduce you to him.  He’s a good friend, and I bet you two will get along great.”

            Spike ducked his head, inordinately pleased and humbled by the statement.  “Well, that’s a bit of all right.  Off you go, then.  Last one to the kitchen washes up after.”

*********

Their first class of the day was over. Tara walked beside Willow, sensing the distress the redhead carried within her heart.  “I really don’t understand why you find it so hard to get over this.  Xander didn’t do anything wrong.”

            Willow gazed at her with tear-filled green eyes.  “How can you say that?  He killed a human being – that’s wrong and bad.  That isn’t what we do; we kill demons to protect humans.”

            Tara sighed and sat down on a convenient bench.  She patted the space next to her.  “Let’s stop for a minute.”  When Willow was settled beside her, she continued.  “I don’t know how else to explain this.  He did what was necessary and right.  It was the only way, Willow.  I know it wasn’t easy for him, I saw the pain and remorse in his eyes.  It still shows in his aura, although he’s beginning to come to terms with it.  It wasn’t something he did lightly or without thought.”  She looked down at her hands.  “What else could he have done?  There was no other way.”

            “No, there’s always another way.  We could have done something different.  Maybe we could have bound Ben, so Glory couldn’t come back.”

            “Willow, think.  The monks used magic so strong they altered memories, records, and even DNA to place Dawn within Buffy’s family.  That’s magic beyond what anyone on this planet knows.  If they couldn’t imprison Glory, what makes you think we could?  They didn’t even know who her alter ego was.  No one figured that out except Xander.”

            “But, if he’d told us, and if he’d just given us more time—”

            “There wasn’t any time left.  We kept forgetting when he’d tell us about Ben.  _Now_ we remember, _then_ we couldn’t.  What choice did he have?”

            Willow’s mouth was set in a stubborn line.  “There must have been something else; he just didn’t try hard enough.  He didn’t trust us enough to give us a chance.  He doesn’t always think ahead.”

            “Why can’t you accept this, and move on?  Buffy I almost understand.  She hasn’t really grown past the ‘one girl in all the world’ thing, and she hasn’t known Xander as long as you have.  But you’re his best friend, you should know the sacrifices he’ll make to protect his loved ones.  If you can’t adjust to the fact that he’s changed and grown, you’ll lose him.”

            Willow jumped up and stood, trembling.  “You don’t know – I’ve sacrificed so much for him, protected him, and tried to, to keep things the same for him.  No, he hasn’t changed.  He’s still my Xander.  He has to be.”  She ran off in the direction of the dorms.

            Tara watched her go.  “Oh, Willow, what have you done?”

*********

            By the time Xander entered the kitchen, dressed now in snug, faded jeans and a deep green pullover, Spike had tea and coffee brewing, sandwiches made, and the table set.

            “You put out quite a spread.  What’s the big deal?”

            Spike stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor.  “Meetin’ your mentor, aren’t I?  Wanna make a good impression.”  He slanted a glance up at Xander.  “Don’t want him tryin’ to turn you against me.”

            Xander smiled and moved closer.  “Not likely.  He figures anyone the Scoobies dislike can’t be all bad.”  He settled his hands on Spike’s shoulders.  “Thank you.  For making the effort, I mean.  No one’s ever thought I was special enough, to, um—”

            “You _are_ special, luv.  Worth any effort.”

            Xander leaned in close enough to steal a small, nearly chaste kiss.  Even so, it left him tingling.  “Umm, that’s... Wow.”

            “Wow, indeed.”  Spike rested his forehead against Xander’s for a moment, and then straightened up.  “So, who’s your mentor?  Until I heard you talk, I would’ve thought you’d go to Rupes.”

            “Uh, well, I asked around the demon community and one name kept coming up as the best around.  So, I, I got in touch with Ethan, and—”

            Spike chuckled.  “Ethan Rayne, Chaos Mage extraordinaire, and the watcher’s old mate.  Thought I knew that voice.  That’s priceless.  But I understood you lot had him pegged as a bad guy.”

            “The others do, mostly based on what Giles has said.  And maybe Ethan was wilder than others when he was younger, but either Giles exaggerated, or Ethan’s mellowed.  Yeah, he’s a Chaos mage, but he isn’t evil.  Neutral, with a tendency toward good.  Although he flat denies that.”

            “Never heard of a _neutral_ Chaos mage.”

            “Chaos can be good, evil, or neutral.  For example, Batman would be an example of chaotic good.  He fights for right, but is more concerned with justice being served than with how that’s accomplished.  The Joker is chaotic evil.  Does what he wants, the worse the better, and doesn’t care who gets hurt.  Chaotic neutrals do what seems right to them, without regard to whether it’s viewed as good or bad by others.  All of them cause, or serve, Chaos.  Dungeons and Dragons explains it pretty well.”

            Spike pursed his lips.  “You’ve put some thought into this, mate.  That’s as brilliant a summation as I’ve heard in a while.”

            Xander ducked his head.  “I figured you might get lost with the movie and game references.  Or make fun of me about them.”  He shrugged.  “Anyway, Ethan has a good rep, and he’s very patient with all my questions.  Never says I can’t learn something, or that I’m wasting my time.  Tells me about the things no good mage should mess with, and explains _why_.  He seems to think I’m pretty talented.  I, I like him.”

            “Good for you, then.  Just figured you’d be off him after the Halloween thing.  Wasn’t he the one who enchanted the costumes?”

            “Actually, no.  That was done by another mage.  The costumes weren’t even supposed to be sent here, and the magic in them wasn’t supposed to do what it did.  That was the hellmouth at work.  Sorta like Murphy’s Law with an attitude.”

            Spike leaned against the counter, laughing.  “Can I _please_ be there when Rupert finds out about this?”

            Xander grinned.  “If and when he finds out, you’d better be there.  I’ll need a bodyguard.”  He looked at the table and then the clock.  “Okay, Ethan should be here anytime, so... Wait, did the spell work?  I can’t believe I forgot to check.  Is everything okay now?”

            “Hmm, don’t know, do I?  Feel damn good, so I think it did.”

            “Well, um, slap me or pinch me or something.”

            “Don’t wanna hurt _you_ , Xan.  Might smack the slayer, just once.”  He smirked, thinking about the satisfaction that small act would give him.

            Xander shook his head.  “Uh-uh, that would be mondo bad.  You don’t want them to find out, do you?  At least, not yet, right?  So just a quick pinch.  Won’t hurt much, but then you’ll know.”

            Spike sighed.  “All right luv, let’s give it a go.”  He reached out, embarrassed to see his hand tremble, and quickly pinched a fold of skin on the mortal’s arm.  Xander yelped, and Spike prepared for the skull-splitting pain of the chip firing.  It never came.

            Xander took a deep breath and smiled shakily at Spike.  “Guess it worked.  I mean, you’re not grabbing your head, or cussing, or—”

            Spike cut off the babble with a quick kiss.  “You’ve given me such a gift, Sweetness.  You just remember what I said – won’t hurt anyone, and not going anywhere.”

*********

            There was a knock at the front door, and Spike straightened up.  “Go on, then, let your mate in.” 

            Xander nodded and hurried to the living room.  He opened the door, grinned, and hauled Ethan to the kitchen.  “Come on, come on.  It worked, Teach, he’s okay now.  I want you to meet him.”

            Ethan stopped in the doorway, stared, and then chuckled.  “Well, well, William the Bloody.  Awake and still here.”  He slanted a glance at Xander and smiled.  “I’ll shake your hand and say it’s a pleasure, on one condition.”

            Spike raised an eyebrow.  “Yeah?  What might that be?”

            “Tell me how you snuck in under Ripper’s radar.”

            “Long story, that.”

            “Try an abridged version, then.  Please.”  Dark eyes glinted at Spike.

            “The Initiative put a piece of military hardware in my head that kept me from hurting humans.  Which you well know.”

            Ethan laughed.  “I wouldn’t have thought that would be enough to mark you as safe in Rupert’s books.  The man’s slipping, I fear.”  He reached out and shook Spike’s hand, sat at the table, and smiled at the lunch laid out before him.  “I know _you_ didn’t make this tea, Alexander.  So I’ll say thank you, William.”

            Spike’s eyebrow rose higher.  “What, no warning ’bout hurtin’ the boy?  No threats to me body if I so much as put a scratch on ’im?”

            The mage poured a cup of tea, added cream, and sipped with a sigh of pleasure.  “No need.  I helped set the wards on this place.  If you meant him any kind of harm, you couldn’t get in, unconscious or no.  Not even if Alexander thought you weren’t dangerous.”  He confiscated a sandwich from the platter, took a bite, and hummed contentedly.  “Now then, let’s partake of the wonderful repast you’ve set out for us.  Much as I abhor the practice, we can talk business while we eat.”  His lips curled in a sly grin.  “Provided it won’t offend your sensibilities, Mr. Bloody.”

            Spike chuckled.  “I’ll try not to let it put me off my feed, mate.”  He met Ethan’s eye.  “I owe you a thank you for your help with the spell.  Should you need me, call.  I honor my debts, Mr. Rayne.”

            Ethan’s lips curved in a wicked grin.  “I imagine you do – all your debts.  At any rate, you’re welcome.  Alexander, sit.  We have much to discuss.”

            Xander sat, filled a plate with sandwiches, took the coffee Spike poured him, and looked at Ethan.  “So, what’s the what?”

            “Whilst obtaining the protection charm, I happened upon some information that concerns you.  It seems there is a new threat on the hellmouth.  It’s a conglomerate of humans, demons and vampires, working to bring down the slayer and her followers.  They’re headed by a man some call a magician, although I’ve been unable to confirm that.”

            “Yeah, we ran into them last night.  They’re tough, organized, and fully up on how we operate.”

            Spike frowned.  “Don’t recall seeing anyone else there.”

            “Whoever or whatever the man is, he works behind the scenes.”  Ethan pushed his empty cup towards Spike, who refilled it.  “At any rate, this is something we need to deal with as swiftly as possible.  You’re a direct target, Alexander.”

            “Me?  I thought they were after Buffy.  You know, standard take down the slayer and rule the hellmouth stuff.”

            “The group is – the leader, however, is after you.  You are the only one in the group who is ‘young, male, and dark of hair and eye.’  One of the demons I questioned quoted the leader directly on that.”

            “Why?  I’m not all that and a bag of chips.  I’m just an ordinary guy.”

            Spike snorted.  “Right – an ordinary guy with a bit of a soldier and a Primal inside ’im.  Plus, the empathy, and the ability with magic.”

            Xander sighed.  “First, not many outside our little circle know about the possessions.  Second, lots of people know more magic than I do.  I know how to ward this place and keep my stakes from dusting.  The spell for you was mostly Ethan’s doing – I just helped figure out what was needed.  And third, if empath’s are so unusual, how would this person know I’m one?”

            “More know of your unique history than you realize, my young friend.”  Anger flickered across Ethan’s thin face, quickly hidden.  “Watchers keep rather detailed records, and make frequent reports to the Council.  Despite my humorous comment earlier, Rupert is far from lax.  The Council trained him to observe and he does that well.  I’m sure they’ve sussed out at least part of your abilities.”

            “But he wouldn’t tell them about me.  Would he?”  Xander took in Ethan and Spike’s expressions, and felt his shoulders slump.  “You think he would – you think he _did_.  Why?”

            Spike covered Xander’s hand and linked their fingers together.  “Why do we think that?  Or why would he do it?”

            “Either.  Both.  Just – I thought he was my friend.”

            Ethan rubbed at his lower lip.  “He is.  He’s also a watcher, first and foremost.  The Council demands unthinking obedience.  The training is rigorous, just short of brainwashing.  It’s only recently that Rupert’s truly begun to question their methodology and real purpose.  Much that happened to you occurred when he still believed completely in them.  Even now, he retains a blind spot toward much that they do.”

            “But when Buffy turned eighteen, and they set up that test, he said he’d quit the council if they didn’t leave her alone.  I know he went along with it at first, but he didn’t understand.  He stopped it when—”  He trailed off as his mind made the connections.

            Spike nodded.  “Yeah, when you made him talk to Angel, who dragged him to where those gits were.  Then he realized they only wanted to rid themselves of a slayer who’d become an annoyance.  And who was it brought that information to the poof and made him check into it?  You.”

            “Alexander, you’ve come to their attention several times in the past.  Quite a few of those events put them in a rather bad light.  I’m afraid they’ve little forgiveness towards those who point up their shortcomings.”  His lips twisted in a parody of a smile.  “I should bloody well know.”

            Xander touched Ethan’s forearm.  “What happened?  What did they do to you?”  He leaned closer, wishing he could ease the pain he saw in those dark eyes.

            “No, it wasn’t like that.  But I was never convinced of the, er, altruism of the Council, and was rather vehement in stating my position.”  He patted Xander’s hand.  “I couldn’t get Rupert to see... Well, he refused to leave them.”  He took a deep breath and released it.  “That is ancient history, however, and not what I came to discuss.”

            “I’m sorry.”  Xander chewed on his lip.  “Still, Giles _did_ quit.  I mean, he doesn’t work for them anymore, right?  All that other stuff doesn’t mean he told them about me, does it?  And you still haven’t explained what people think they could use me for.”

            Ethan kept his hand over Xander’s.  “I still have friends within the society and reports were sent in on all of you during your high school years; the budding witch, the werewolf, the cheerleader, and you.  I’ve seen copies, and you are featured prominently in several, I’m afraid.  If it helps, I doubt he meant you any harm, or even realized what you are.  The Council wouldn’t have taught him about empaths, since they’re so rare.  You’re the first I’ve encountered.  Rupert was simply being methodical, as he was trained to be.”

            Ethan paused, and Xander hung his head, feeling deceived by a man he’d always respected and admired.  “Fuck, I should be used to it by now.  No one ever puts me first.”  He wanted to scream and rant, instead, he drew a calming breath and raised his head.  “Tell me the rest.”

            “Before I do, try to understand this wasn’t a betrayal.  Rupert didn’t make a conscious decision to tell them about you or your abilities.  He was simply being conscientious and thorough in his reports.  By the time he left them, the damage had been done.  I seriously doubt he’s even heard of empaths, beyond what he would consider rumors and fairytales.  Your assistance – as well as that of Willow, Cordelia, and others – was reported as a matter of course.”

            “The mage is right, luv.  I’ve been around over a century, and you’re the first functioning empath I’ve heard of.  Most are, hmm, borderline autistic.  Can’t handle the power, yeah?”

            Xander rubbed his forehead and sighed.  “Okay, I get what you’re saying, and I’ll think about that part of it later.  Tell me why the Council and this magician or whatever are interested in me _now_.  I mean, Giles and the Council parted ways a year ago.  What took them so long?”

            “That I don’t know.  Perhaps they had to wait to find someone they thought could safely contain you.  Perhaps it isn’t them after you.  But to understand why someone would want you, you first must know what kind of empath you are.  You and I haven’t spoken overmuch about your abilities.  Truthfully, it’s taken me this long to ferret out any real information on empaths.  I’ve been more concerned about teaching you to protect yourself.  Still, it’s time to fill that gap in your education.

            “There are different abilities among empathics, and varying degrees of strength.  Some are healers of either physical or mental hurts.  Others see auras, or are mediums.  The various talents are extensive.  You are what’s known as a discerning empath.  You see into people, their motives, feelings and hidden depths.”  Xander raised a skeptical eyebrow.  “Do not doubt me, my friend.  You ‘have hunches’ about people.  You know, more often than not, when someone’s lying to you.  You may not know _why_ , but you know when someone can or cannot be trusted.  I’ve seen you do this, time and again.  You’re right far more often than you’re wrong, and when you’re wrong, it’s usually because you allow your innate compassion to sway your instincts.”

            “Let’s say I accept that.  I’m not sure I do, but even if you’re right, I still don’t get how someone else could control me and use my ability for themselves.”

            Ethan stood and paced slowly back and forth.  “You’re a strong empath; with training, you could become something far more powerful than a living lie-detector.  Even without training, how much would it be worth to know if the being you’re negotiating with is telling you the truth?  How valuable would information on plots against a ruler or leader be?  If trained, you could conceivably influence the way people feel and thus how they react.  What price would someone put on that ability?”

            Xander stared at him.  “I could do that?  No, no, no.  I wouldn’t.  It would be wrong on way too many levels.”

            “No, _you_ wouldn’t, I understand that.  However, there are binding rituals that would compel you to follow your master’s instructions.”

            “You mean they’d own me, like a slave or a, a puppet?  If Giles knows about those rituals, why wouldn’t he warn us?  Why hasn’t he said anything?”

            Xander jumped when Spike snarled.  “Why doesn’t he do a lot of things?  Because he’s only concerned with his precious slayer.  She’s his reason for being, and sod all else.”  Xander opened his mouth to deny this, and Spike turned gold-flecked blue eyes on him.  “It’s true and you know it.  If he gave half a thought to anyone else, the wolf would’ve gotten the right information and wouldn’t have had to run off to Tibet or Tucumcari or wherever.  The witch would’ve been reined in hard years ago, along with the slayer.  You wouldn’t have had to go elsewhere for help with the possessions, and he would’ve taught all of you proper fighting skills.  Instead, he allowed Oz to run amuck, Willow mixes and matches spells and potions like a child with her mum’s recipes, and all but the slayer fumble about in graveyards trying to stay alive by guess and by golly.”  He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, the gold was gone.

            “I’m sorry, luv.  There’ve been too many close calls, and it’s criminal of him not to have trained all of you in self-defense.  Sending you out with nothin’ but a stake and a cross is—”

            Ethan gasped.  “Dear god, it’s tantamount to murder.  Alexander, why did you never tell me you’ve had no training in the martial arts?  I would have found a teacher for you.”

            Xander hung his head, feeling the burn of threatening tears.  _They worry so much.  I should have said something.  Stupid._   “I’m sorry.  It was dumb not to say anything, but I did all right, and Spike’s been training me so I’ll get better.”  Cool hands framed his face and tilted it up. 

            “None of that, now.  You’re not stupid, you’ve done nothing wrong, and I’m sure Ethan didn’t mean to imply you had.”

            Ethan wrapped an arm around his shoulders.  “Of course not.  I apologize for making you think that, even for a second.”  He gave Xander a gentle hug and stood.  “Now then, I’ve written up everything I’ve learned about this new threat, and I’ll leave it with you to study.  Bear in mind, none of this necessarily means the Council is after you.  _Someone_ is, but we’ll have to ascertain their identity for ourselves.  There may well be more than one reason for these recent attacks.  At any rate, go over the information.  You’ll call me if you have any questions, yes?”  At Xander’s nod, he smiled.  “Good.  Now for some happier news.  I was able to find a Zrithian life stone, and a Zrith mage owed me a favor, so he charmed it for you.”

            Xander frowned.  “Never heard of that one.  Sounds special.”

            Spike whistled.  “Indeed it is.  They’re scarce as, well, as blokes like you.  Difficult to charm, but once done, near impossible for magic to get around them.  Wearing it will make you close to untouchable by magic.”

            Ethan nodded.  “Not only that, the amulet has also been charged to help protect you from psychic assault, so possession won’t be as prominent a factor.  You should still keep up your mental shields, as I taught you.  And you should definitely continue to learn proper hand-to-hand fighting techniques.  I know you use weapons well, but you might not always have one available.”

            “I’ll keep teaching you, pet.”  He dropped a kiss to Xander’s forehead.  “Now, Mr. Rayne, sir, where’s this enchanted stone?”

            Ethan reached into his pocket and withdrew a polished stone about the size of a quarter, strung on a necklace of heavy gold links.  “Here you are.  The chain and clasp are also enchanted.  They won’t break, or wear out.  Only you can take it off.  The stone itself is keyed to you, so even if you take it off and someone else puts it on, it won’t work for them.  In fact, they’ll feel compelled to remove it.  At which point, it will return to you.”

            Xander gazed at the stone in wonder.  Predominantly reds and yellows, it was shot through with flecks of gold.  The colors swirled and danced in a way that made him think of a flame.  “Wow.  It’s beautiful.”  He swallowed hard.  “Um, how, how much did this cost you?  I don’t know if I have enough cash on hand, but—”

            “You will not finish that sentence, young man.  This is a gift, mage to favored student, and I will accept nothing from you for it.  Except, of course, your thanks.”

            Xander smiled at Ethan, jumped up, and threw his arms around the older man.  “Thank you, this is wonderful.  No one’s ever done anything like this for me.”

            “You’re quite welcome.  Now, put it on, and then I must be on my way.  I’ve a meeting in thirty minutes with some rather grumpy demons.”

            Xander fastened the pendant around his neck and tucked it under his shirt.  It felt cool against his skin, but was so light he knew he’d soon forget it was there.  “Not that I doubt you, but how do I know it’s working?”

            “Ah, yes, when someone tries to perform magic on you, the stone will hum.  No one will hear it, but you’ll feel a faint vibration.  Let’s test it with something harmless.  A truth tell will suffice.”  Ethan waved his hand and murmured a few words in Latin.

            Xander felt a tickle where the stone rested beneath his collarbones, and raised his fingers to touch the pendant.  “Okay, definitely noticed that.”

            “Good, now tell a lie, please.”

            “Um, Spike has blue hair.”  Nothing happened, except that faint tickle.

            “Excellent.  Had the truth tell worked, you would have glowed orange.  As it is, the stone stopped the spell.  And now I really must go.  William, it was truly a pleasure to meet you, and I thank you again for that delicious tea.  Alexander, I’ll see you next week for your regular lesson?”

            “I’ll be there.  Um, what if I _want_ a spell to work on me?  I don’t, usually, but, you know, just in case.”

            “If you’re quite sure you trust the caster and the spell, simply remove the pendant.  Be cautious, however.  It cannot protect you unless you’re wearing it.  In your pocket or hand it does you no good at all.”

            “I’ll be careful.”

            “And I’ll see that he is, mate.  Don’t you worry.”

            “With a promise like that from William the Bloody, I wouldn’t dream of it.”


	3. Chapter Two

            Spike and Xander cleaned the kitchen in companionable silence and then settled on the sofa to talk until it was time to leave for the Scooby meeting.  Xander fidgeted for a moment and then turned to Spike.  “What are you gonna do now?  I mean, with the chip gone?”

            “Gonna stay here, Xan; thought you knew that.”

            “No... I mean, yeah, I knew that, but how are you gonna feed?  I can get plenty of bagged human blood, but are you gonna want to get it, um—”

            “Fresh from the source?”  At the mortal’s nod, Spike sighed.  “That’s best for us, but not necessary.  In ideal circumstances, I’d keep a stable, and feed from them.”

            “You mean keep humans like livestock?”  Brown eyes widened.

            “Not bloody likely.  Vamps take damn good care of their humans; give ’em everything they need or want.  Most humans only stick around long enough to get a college degree, or learn a trade.  A few prefer the life and stay for good.  They’re pensioned off at some point, set up with a home and money wherever they like.  It’s considered quite a cachet to be in a Master’s stable.”

            Xander ducked his head.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you, I didn’t know.  I thought vamps had to, um, drain a person to get enough blood.”

            Spike waved a hand in dismissal.  “My fault, shouldn’t have jumped at you.  How could you know?  Older vamps have enough control to stop before a person dies – just means we have to feed off more than one at a time.  As to what I’ll do... Could feed on the low-lifes in this town.  Plenty of ’em around, wouldn’t have to drain ’em.  Just leave ’em a pint or two low and move on to the next.  Still, bagged will do, could go for the fresh only in an emergency.”  He gazed at the mortal and smiled.  “Not gonna do a thing to make you regret ridding me of that bloody chip.  Okay?”

            Xander nodded.  “Okay.  I’ll set up regular deliveries of the good stuff, then.”  He tilted his head and frowned.  “Why didn’t you do that for yourself?  You have the money, and I know there are a lot of places that supply the demon side of town.”

            Spike shrugged.  “Slayer ruined all the local places for me.  Could’ve set up deliveries from out of town, but not many like coming to Sunnyhell.  Can’t say as I blame ’em.”

            “So all you’ve had was what Giles gave you?  Shit, no wonder you didn’t heal right.”

            “Nah, I supplemented with demon blood.  Not as good as human, but better than animal.  What was really hurting was the chip.  Messed with my whole system.  Couldn’t feed on what I needed, couldn’t get all the nutrients from whatever blood I used and never mended quickly enough from any hurt.  So everything kept piling on.  The blow to my head last night was like the sodding straw that broke the camel’s back.”  He stroked Xander’s cheek with one finger.  “You fixed me up proper, luv.  Feel healthy and full of energy for the first time since those Initiative wankers shoved that foreign piece of shite in my head.”

            Xander leaned into the touch and drew a shaky breath.  “You never really said – are you, um, are we gonna be together?”

            “What will your friends say about that?  Or would you rather not tell them?”  He didn’t want to cause trouble, but he didn’t want to be a dirty, little secret, either.

            “I’ll tell them, and the hell with what they think.  They don’t have any say in what I do.”  He gave a short bark of laughter.  “They probably wouldn’t hear me, anyway.”

            “I’m thinking their ears might actually catch this news.  Might want to tell them after this latest crisis, yeah?  Anyroad, yes, I’d like to stay.”

            Xander walked over to the closet and pulled out his boots, sat on the bench next to the closet and shoved his feet into the boots.  “Good.  After the meeting and patrol, we’ll stop by your crypt and get your things.  You can move in tonight.”  He laced up the boots, added a leather vest altered to hold his weapons and stood.  He looked down, lower lip caught between his teeth.  “Stupid meeting, stupid bad guys.  Wish we could just stay here – no one to bother us, nothing special to do, just spend time with each other.”

            Spike wanted to pounce on the mortal – he looked good enough to eat.  “We’ll make the time, don’t you worry.  Take down this latest bunch and spend our days and nights however we want, yeah?”

            Xander nodded.  “Yeah.  Oh, almost forgot.”  He reached into a drawer, pulled out a key ring, and tossed it to Spike.  “Keys to the house, pickup, motorcycle, and the shop.”

            Spike stared at the fob on the ring.  It was three inches of silver, fashioned into a railroad spike.  He knew Xander had made it, and felt a suspicious prickle in his eyes.  Yes, he’d had keys before, but never any with as much meaning as these.  He cleared his throat.  “Thank you, pet.”

            Xander blushed and nodded, gathered his keys and wallet, and motioned Spike toward the door.  Before they’d taken three steps, Xander handed Spike his cell phone.  “Call Angel, let him know you’re okay.  He actually sounded worried about you.”

            “Broody git.”  Spike sighed.  “Yeah, all right, I’ll call.  You drive.  Let’s get this night done with.”

            Spike followed Xander into the garage, turned, and locked the door carefully from the other side.  He tucked the keys into his pocket, fingering them thoughtfully.  There were too many for just the four things mentioned.  They climbed into the truck and set off for the Magic Box.  Spike opened the cell phone, dialed and gazed out the window.  After a short conversation with Angel, he gave the phone back to Xander.

            “Peaches says ta for the assist.  Sounded right poleaxed that you sussed out a way to rid me of that leash.  Or maybe he’s just surprised you would.”

            Xander snorted.  “No shit.  He doesn’t exactly like me, but that’s okay.  I don’t much like the Coiffed Crusader, either.”

            “Oh, that’s a lovely moniker.  Gotta remember that.”  Spike turned in his seat to face the brunette.  “Gotta say, Xan, your house is nearly perfect for a vamp.  Only thing missing is access to the tunnels.”

            Xander chuckled.  “Got that, Blondie.  A few years ago, the town council thought a subway was the best idea since cable television.  That is, until a few dozen tunnel workers vanished under mysterious circumstances.  After that, they shut the project down.  Part of the system they started is about fifty yards from the house.  I had a demon friend build connecting tunnels to it.  Got steel doors installed at all entrances, protected by strong locks and stronger wards.  One entrance from my bedroom, one in the garage, and another in the shop.  Keys for those are on the ring, too.  I’ll show you the entrances later.”

            Spike stared at him.  “Why did you do all that?  Couldn’t be just on the chance of us.”

            The mortal shifted in his seat and stared straight ahead.  “Um, first, this _is_ the hellmouth.  Anything can chase you home, or try to get in, or whatever.  Always nice to have ways in and out that no one knows about. Plus, not all of my customers can come to the front door.  They use the tunnel to the shop.  The other two are private.”  He slanted a glance at Spike.  “Lastly, yeah, it was for you.  I thought you’d like daylight access, just in case.  Not that I was counting on there being an _us_ , exactly, but I thought maybe you want a place where you could relax, y’know?  Not have to worry about demons just barging in, or Buffy coming by to harass you, or... Well, anything else.”

 _Like Initiative gits dropping by for another go ’round_.  “Well, seems you’ve covered all the bases.  I’d have to be starkers to turn it down, wouldn’t I?”

            “And you’re not starkers, right?”

            Spike chuckled.  “Nah, I’m the sane one of the Aurelius line.”

            “In that case, I fear for its future.”

            Two pale fingers flipped him off.  “This from the mortal hookin’ up with a vamp.  Seems to me you’re the crazy one.”

            “Crazy ’bout you.”  Xander grinned and winked, and they entered the Magic Box on a wave of warmth and laughter.

*********

            Five minutes.  That was all it took for the discussion to turn to recriminations.  He and Spike had walked in, prepared to figure out a way to deal with the threat of demons joining forces with humans to take on the slayer and her group.  What they’d found was the rest of the Scooby gang seated around one side of the table, waiting for them with expressions that ranged from disappointment to anger.  Five lousy, damn minutes.  Thirty minutes after sitting down, Xander scrubbed a hand over his face and stood.

            “Stop it, just stop.  I didn’t come here to listen to you scream at me about last night, Buffy, or to hear Giles question the wisdom of inviting Spike into my home, or to see Willow give me disapproving looks.”  He sent a glance around the room, gathering their attention.  “We can either deal with the real problem, or I can go home and relax.  Choice is yours.”

            “I haven’t been giving you disapproving looks, Xander.  Have I, Tara?”  Willow’s lower lip trembled.

            “You were sort of, um, almost glaring at him.  All of you were.”  Tara’s quiet voice dropped into the moment of silence, surprising them.  She’d remained silent and unobtrusive through it all.

            Buffy planted her fists on her hips.  “Well, if he hadn’t been all bossy last night, and then so stupid about Fangless, maybe we wouldn’t have needed to glare at him.”

            Giles rubbed his temples.  “Xander is quite right, this is accomplishing nothing.  We should perhaps table this for now, and discuss last night’s patrol.  We were at a severe disadvantage because the group we went up against seemed to know how best to target us.  They pitted the strongest against you, Buffy, while Willow, Tara, and I were faced with demons immune to our best magical efforts.”

            Willow’s eyes grew wider.  “Is that why nothing was working?  I didn’t recognize the demons... Goddess, do you think they did it on purpose?”

            Buffy frowned.  “Different demons working together to take us down?  Major wiggins, Giles.”

            Xander heard Spike’s soft snort, and added a mental ‘duh’ to it.  “Let’s not forget they set humans on Spike.  They’ve been playing variations of the same song for the last three patrols.  They’re testing us, figuring out our strengths and weaknesses, and what works best against us.”  He sighed at the stares his comment garnered.  “So, if _Giles_ notices this stuff, it’s cool, but I’m still supposed to be oblivious boy?  Get a clue, guys, the Zeppo was never really in the building.  If you’d all been studying your demonology, you would have known those were Lar’tenshet demons, and that they’re pretty much impervious to magic.  And Buffy would have known to use iron against the Kirdesh.”

            Giles gaped at him.  “When did you learn so much about demons?”

            “I’ve lived here all my life, Giles, longer than any of you.  I’ve been studying and fighting demons for six years.  I’d have to be damn stupid not to know something about them, wouldn’t I?”

            “Well, yes, but you never... That is, I didn’t...”

            “You actually _did_ think I was that dumb, didn’t you?”  He shook his head.  “Don’t believe everything you read in a student file.  I may not have aced any courses, but I didn’t ride the short bus, either.”

            “Xander, stop it!  You’re being rude and mean, and, and... I know you didn’t get good grades in school, so of course we... But you shouldn’t say things like... You’re not acting like _you_!”  Willow joined Buffy in the hands on hips pose, and added a foot stomp.  “And it isn’t fair to say Giles thinks you’re stupid.  I’m sure he doesn’t.”

            “Really?  You all treat me like a special ed kid, but I’m rude when I call you on it.  None of you ever saw anything but the surface of my life, not even you, Wills.  But when I point out that I don’t fit the damn box you’ve shoved me in, you call foul.”  He jerked his head in a sharp nod.  “Call me if you decide you actually want me around.  In the meantime, have fun with the research.”  He tossed an edited copy of Ethan’s notes on the table.  “Here’s what a friend of mine discovered.  Maybe it’ll help.”  He strode out of the shop, furious and hurt in equal measures.

*********

            Buffy watched as Xander slammed the door shut, her mouth open in shock.  “What the hell was _that_ about?” 

            Spike walked to the exit, put his hand on the doorknob, and then turned to face them.  “You’re a right bunch of prats.  You act as if the whelp has nothing to offer, as if he’s an inconvenience, or an embarrassment.  How many times has he saved the day?  And still you treat him like nothing more than a glorified errand boy.”

            Buffy snorted.  “Saved the day?  Please, as if.  He makes good bait, and fetches a mean donut.”

            Spike rounded on her, eyes narrowed in anger.  “Who was it forced the ponce to show up when you faced the Master?  Who revived you after you drowned there?  Who stood up to Angelus at the hospital and backed him right off?  Who thought of using a rocket launcher on the Judge and then got the damn thing for you?  Who came up with the idea to join spirits and strengths to defeat Adam?  Mind your mouth, Slayer.  Your precious Angel filled me in on things a long time ago.  Respects the boy, he does.  Shame you don’t.”

            Buffy glared at him.  “What are you talking about?  _Angel_ saved me in the Master’s lair.  And if Xander had ever faced Angelus, he wouldn’t  have survived it.  Plus, if he had, he would’ve bragged about it for months.”

            “That so?  Ask Angel about the White Knight.  Listen when he tells you who that is, and how he got the name.  Boy’s got more balls than the pack of you, and more loyalty.”

            Giles sighed.  “Yes, all right, Spike.  I’ll admit he’s brave and loyal and at times he’s had a few good ideas buried in the midst of his mindless babble.  That doesn’t mean he’s capable of fighting, planning a campaign, or taking charge of things.”

            Spike glared at the other man.  “Just because you only paid attention when he was acting the fool doesn’t make him one, Watcher.  Wasn’t it Xander who organized, placed, and led the troops on graduation day?   Wasn’t it Xander who saved your sorry arse from Angelus when you were bein’ tortured, and made sure the slayer did her job?  That sound like someone who can’t plan?  And if he can’t fight well enough to meet your lofty standards, it’s your own bloody fault.  Could’ve trained him, couldn’t you?  Too busy with your brat of a slayer to do right by the boy.  Somehow he’s managed to stay alive on his own, but you still can’t give him any credit, can you?  Wanker.”  He aimed a sneer at the watcher.

            “And you,” he turned to the redhead.  “You’ve known him longer than anyone here.  Did you never wonder _why_ he did poorly in school?  Ever consider that he never had a spot of bother reading and researching for every fuckin’ apocalypse or minor skirmish on the hellmouth, when he couldn’t pull more’n C’s in class?  I’ve seen ’im translate texts faster than ol’ Rupes, who then hands the papers to _you_ for checking.  Seen him get dressed down by you or the others for goofing off or fallin’ asleep when he was bored, cuz he’d already finished hunting through whatever dusty tomes were in front of ’im.  Never said a word, just ducked his head and took it.  Ever put that brain of yours to the task of figuring out what the hell was going on?”

            Willow’s green eyes were wide and startled.  “How do you... Why have _you_ noticed all this?  If it’s true, why wouldn’t _we_ know about it?”

            He snorted.  “Because I took the trouble to find out, and to listen to those who mentioned the boy.  Because I’ve eyes in my head, and a brain to interpret what I see.”  He curled his lip in a silent snarl.  “And you lot call yourself his friends.  Pillocks.”  A swirl of his duster and he was outside, the bell jangling as the door once again slammed.

*********

            Tara stared at the door and sighed.  _Why does everyone constantly underestimate Xander and Spike?  It’s obvious how much the two men care for each other.  Can’t they see that both men would do anything for those they love?_   Her thoughts were brought to an abrupt halt when Buffy kicked a chair, knocking it over.

            Buffy kicked the chair one more time and then turned to the rest of the group.  “Okay, what’s up with Xander?  Why would he say all those things?  And what was the big deal with Spike?  Why would he care how we treat Xan?  What the hell is going on?  What did all that mean?”

            Giles chewed on the stem of his glasses.  “I don’t know, but something is definitely amiss with our young friend.  He was rather rude to me on the phone yesterday.  We should all keep a very close eye on Xander, to make sure he’s safe.  It could be that Spike is influencing him somehow, trying to sow dissension among us.”

            “That’s gonna be kinda tough if bossy boy doesn’t come to the meetings.  I mean, what with school, and slayage, and I _do_ have a social life.  Besides, I’m not the keeper of Xander.”  Buffy slouched into a chair, scowling at her shoes.

            Willow nodded.  “Yeah, it’s not easy trying to balance everything.  Tara and I have a heavy class load, and then there’s the research for you... And I know I take a while at the translations, but demonic languages are hard, and I don’t understand Spike saying Xander was doing those translations.  Were those from Xander?  Why didn’t you tell me?  Plus there’s all the Wicca stuff Tara and I are studying.  That takes a lot of practice – no one likes it when my spells go all wonky, so I have to practice, right?  So, when am I supposed to keep this close eye on Xander?  Besides, he’s living in that icky apartment, and I don’t like going there, the neighborhood’s nasty, and Spike’s still chipped, so Xander’s safe, right?”

            When Willow paused to breathe, Tara spoke up.  “No, he moved.  Remember?  I told you he invited us to visit.  You were too busy at the time.”

            “Oh, goddess, I forgot, but he did and you did, and that just makes it harder.  I don’t even know where he lives now.”

            Giles frowned.  “When was the last time either of you spent time with Xander outside of these meetings?”  Buffy’s scowl deepened, and Willow bit her lip.  “Well?”

            Buffy blew out a sigh.  “Geez, I don’t know!  I don’t keep track of stuff like that.  We were at the Bronze together, but that’s been a while.  He never wants to come to the parties on campus.”

            “Willow?”  Giles turned gray eyes her way.

            “Um, I’m not really sure.  We met for coffee one morning, but I was rushed because I was running late and had to get to class.  I’ve talked to him on the phone a few times.”

            Giles folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the counter.  “Let me see if I have this straight.  You two profess to be his friends, but you don’t know where he lives, where he works, or see him anywhere but here.  Is that correct?”

            Buffy narrowed her eyes.  “Like you’ve done any better?  You don’t know any of that stuff, either.”  She shoved her fingers through her hair.  “I can’t keep track of his lousy jobs.  I know he stopped working construction, which was stupid.  That was a good gig.  And I’ve tried to get him to come around the college, but he always turns me down.  It’s not like he’d fit in there, anyway.  Probably why he never accepts.”

            “I suppose it _is_ rather difficult, as your lives have taken different directions.  We shall have to do better, however.  We simply can’t allow Spike to unduly influence Xander.”  Giles sighed. “I’m not entirely sure how we should handle this.  If Spike is, is coercing Xander, then–”

            Tara couldn’t let that pass.  “They’re _friends_ – not blackmailer and victim.  Anya was right – you’re all blind when it comes to Spike and Xander.  They’ve both changed over the years.  Why can’t you see it?”

            Buffy snorted.  “What makes you such an expert?  You barely know either of them.”

            Tara lifted her chin.  “I know more than you think.  Being quiet and unobtrusive gives me a lot of time for observation.  And Xander’s _my_ friend, as well.”

            “Really?”  Buffy raised an eyebrow.  “Well, if you’re such good friends, you probably know all that stuff Giles was asking about, right?”

            Tara sighed.  “He bought a house just outside town, in the wooded section.  He works out of his home.  And I met him for lunch three days ago.  So, yes – I think I can call myself his friend.”

            They all gaped at her and she shook her head.  “The three of you really are unobservant.”

            Giles polished his glasses. “That’s as may be, but we’ve other things to do right now.”  He settled his glasses on his nose and pulled Vostner’s Compendium from the shelf.  “Let’s get to work.”

*********

            Spike found Xander standing by his truck.   He smelled of anger, frustration, and tears. “Pet?  You all right?”

            Xander shook his head and motioned to the truck.  “You drive, okay?”

            Spike raised a brow, but climbed in behind the wheel.  “Home or do you want to go out?  Maybe grab a beer?”  He eyed the mortal, taking in the stiff shoulders and clenched jaw.  “Or maybe swing by one of the cemeteries and work off some frustration by dusting a few vamps?”

            Xander’s eyes flashed green and then back to brown.  He sighed.  “That would be fun, except for the new crew running around right now.  Let’s just go home.”

            “Home it is, luv.”  _And doesn’t that word sound good?_   “Haven’t had one of those in a long while.  Somethin’ right special for me, yeah?”

            He was gifted with a small, but warm smile.  “You deserve it.”

            “Don’t know ’bout deserving it, but I won’t turn it down.  You still feel like stopping by the crypt?  I could do with a change of clothes.”

            “Not a problem.  Is there anything that won’t fit in the back?”

            “I don’t have that much.  Just some clothes, a trunk of weapons, and a strong box.”  Spike made the turn into the cemetery and parked as close to his crypt as he could.  “You have any weapons with you, mate?  Don’t fancy us walking through there unarmed.”

            Xander got out, reached behind the seat, and pulled out a beautifully curved and wickedly sharp short sword of red steel.  To that, he added two intricately carved stakes.  “I’m always armed.  You need anything?”

            “Bloody hell – these are lovely.  You carve ’em?”

            Xander tossed one to Spike.  “Yep.  _And_ I magicked them.  They won’t dust with the vamp, even if you have to leave ‘em in.”

            “That something Rayne taught you?”

            “Yeah, saves on wood, time and energy.”

            He traced the grain with one finger.  “What type of wood?”

            “Madagascar rosewood – very hard and dense.”

            “Peaches would like these.  You sell stakes along with edged weapons?”

            “Nah, not much call for them anywhere but here.  But I could make him a set of various hardwoods and send them as a Christmas gift.”  He snickered.  “I’d have to have Cordy promise to take pictures; the look on his face would be worth the time I’d spend carving.”

            “What a wicked idea – let’s do it.  He’ll devote hours to brooding on the why of it all, looking for ulterior motives.  I’ll do what I can to help.”

            “Anything to annoy him, huh?”

            “It’s something to do – and a bonus if we get photos to laugh at later.”

            Spike opened the crypt door and they loaded his belongings into the truck without any trouble.  By the time they arrived home, they were both more relaxed.

*********

            They changed into sweatpants, Spike in a pair borrowed from Xander that he had to cinch tight to keep on his hips.  Chests and feet bare, they wandered into the kitchen for a snack before unpacking Spike’s belongings.  They settled at the table, Xander with a glass of milk and a thick slice of pumpkin bread, Spike with a mug of blood and a fork.  He used the latter to steal bites from Xander’s snack.

            “If you’d told me you wanted some, I would’ve given you a slice.”

            “More fun to steal yours, pet.  Wicked vampire here, remember?”

            Xander snorted.  “Uh-huh.  Downright vicious, stealing the food from under my nose.  Bad vamp.”  He took another bite, followed it with a swallow of milk, and then toyed with his fork.  “You, um, didn’t say... I mean, I know I offered the spare room, but would you... Do you want to share my room?”

            “Think I should stay in the spare room for now.”  He could smell the nervousness and innocence coming off the boy in alternating waves.  _Have to be careful, never want to hurt him or frighten him._

            “Oh.  Um, okay... I’ll... The bed needs sheets and stuff.”  He shoved back his chair and stood, eyes down.  “I’ll, um, I’ll get some for you.”

            “Hold on, luv, think you’re reading this wrong.”

            “Wrong?  No, I... You said the spare room, so... It’s okay, really, I mean... Of course you can... You want us to be friends.  It’s all right, I just thought you wanted more.  But it’s... I’ll just get the sheets.”  He turned, without looking up, and moved toward the hallway.  Before he could take more than two steps, Spike was up, around the table, and standing in front of him.

            He ghosted cool fingers over the warm skin of Xander’s cheek and neck.  “Oh yeah, I want more, and I want to do it right.”

            “Huh?  Do what right?  What... Wait, you want _me_? “

            “We’ll have to bolster that self-confidence a bit.”  He pulled the mortal closer, reveling in the feel of the strong, warm body in his arms.  “Do it right means we take our time, yeah?  I intend, Sweetness, to get to know you, and to let you get to know me.  You need to be sure that I’m what you want.  And that you want every part of what I am.  Because once we make love, I won’t let you go.”  He slid into his true face, his senses heightening with the shift.  “This is me, Xan – I won’t hide myself from you.”

            Gentle fingers traced the ridges of his face, and Spike wanted to purr, it felt so good.  Xander’s scent surrounded him, already smelling like comfort and home.  For a split-second, the boy’s eyes flashed green.  He blinked and now they were the same chocolate-brown as always.

            “I know what you are, Spike.  I’ve always known.  I don’t want you to hide from me, and I don’t want to hide from you.”  Xander dropped his hands to Spike’s shoulders.  “And okay, taking it slow is probably a good thing.  I don’t have a stellar record as far as relationships go, and I’ve, uh, never done much with another man.  Just kissing and um, hand jobs, a long time ago.”

 _Bloody hell, boy’s a virgin to men.  Way to tempt the demon, pet._   “You set the pace.”  Spike snorted.  “And I can’t believe I just said that.”

            Brown eyes twinkled, and a smile of pure sunshine lit Xander’s face.  “Slow doesn’t mean we can’t kiss, does it?  Cuz that wouldn’t be slow, that would be a snail on ’ludes, or a tortoise on downers, or—”

            Spike stopped the babble with his lips, sliding them over the warm, open mouth, dipping his tongue in to taste of his boy.  _Yes, mine.  Not yet, maybe, but will be_.  He buried his fingers in the mortal’s silky hair, feeling it curl around them and cling, just as Xander’s hands curled around his neck and clung.

            The boy’s taste was like his scent, magnified by a hundred.  It slammed into Spike like a tsunami, overloading him with sensation, sweet, wild, warm, and wanting.  Xander fed Spike his emotions through the kiss, and Spike thought he’d never tasted anything so true, so real, as this amazing mix of man and child.

*********

            Xander stood in the doorway of the spare room, gazing at the slender, muscled form of his lover.  True, they hadn’t done more than kiss, but they were lovers in intent.  And maybe he wouldn’t have to wait too long before they became lovers in fact.  He shivered at the thought of Spike’s body pressed against him, pressed into him, and felt the hyena stir.  _Want.  Mine_.  She sent a mental image of what she intended, and Xander swallowed.  He forced the picture aside, concentrating instead on the way Spike moved around the room.  Xander had helped him put fresh sheets on the bed, along with an electric blanket, and now the blonde was making sure everything else was tidy.  _He’s a neat freak_.  The idea struck Xander as funny, and he snickered.

            “Shouldn’t laugh at vamps, Xan.  We’re a touchy lot.”  The scarred eyebrow rose.  “What’s so funny, anyway?”

            “Just wondering if you do windows.”

            “Oi!  Not Susie Bloody Homemaker, ya daft berk.  Just because I like things where I can put my hand to ’em, there’s no call to make fun.”  But he was grinning, his blue eyes sparkling at Xander.  “You’re a bit on the tidy side yourself, mate.  Pot ’n kettle, yeah?”

            “Probably.  Just more used to seeing you rip the head off a demon than fold clothes, that’s all.  Tickled my funny bone.”

            “I’ll show you a funny bone if ya don’t stop your sniggering.”

            Xander leaned against the doorframe, laughing.  “You’ll show me a funny _bone_?  P-promise?”

            The blonde stared, seemed to catch the unintentional innuendo of his words, and chuckled.  “Ahem.  Seems my Freudian slip is showing.  Have to watch m’self ’round you.”

            “Or I can do it for you.”  He grinned.  “Okay, I gotta ask.  How come sometimes you sound all brash cockney, and sometimes like a college professor?”

            “Wasn’t born rough, was I?  Was all proper and starched, attended university, got my parchment.  Was ready to take up a position with my father’s law firm, when Angelus found me.”

            “So, the Big Bad is what?  Your alter ego?”

            “Manner of speaking, yeah.  Was protection for William Pembroke, who became William the Bloody, who became Spike.”

            “I can understand camouflage.”  They wandered to the living room and settled on the sofa.  Xander propped his legs on a footrest and crossed them at the ankles.  “Hiding behind a mask, so the real you is safe.  It’s comfortable, at least at the beginning.”

            Spike settled beside him, shoulder just touching Xander’s.  “Imagine you understand too well.  That why you let everyone think you’re a dullard?”

            “Sort of.”  Xander rubbed the scar on his arm.  “My dad made it clear I wasn’t allowed to outshine him.  Oh, he never said it, but if you get smacked every time you bring home an A on a test, you figure it out real quick.  By the time I was eleven, I made sure to get nothing higher than a C.”

            Spike stared at him.  “Your da beat you for getting good grades?”

            “Among other things.  But that was a big button to push.  So I, I dumbed myself down.  By the time I got into high school, it was a habit.”

            “But why let your friends believe you weren’t capable of any more than that?”

            He shrugged.  “Buffy saw the mask and accepted it as the truth.  Giles read my student file and pegged me as ‘could do better if he applied himself.’  Willow never knew what my dad did – I hid it from her, from everyone, really.  She doesn’t understand gray areas.  Everything’s black and white for her.  If you’re smart, you get good grades.  If you don’t get good grades, you’re not smart.  She’d never accept the idea of intentionally underachieving.  None of them ever asked... And, to be fair, I did have trouble concentrating in high school.  I couldn’t seem to slow down my brain.  Anyway, Jesse was the only one who really _saw_ me.  He lived next door.  He knew about my dad, knew why I... But he’s gone, so now no one knows.”  He closed his eyes, still rubbing at the scar.  “I think he was the glue that held Willow and I together.  Or maybe just the common ground where she and I met.  Now she’s just going through the motions, because it’s simpler than finding a way to be friends without him around.  And she’s changed, since she started practicing magic.  I can’t really talk to her, anymore.”

            A strong arm curved around his shoulder and tugged him close.  “Not easy puttin’ on a show for all and sundry, is it?  What say we consider this place a no-mask zone?  Be, say, and do what we like, as we like, yeah?”

            He rested his head against Spike’s shoulder.  “Like a safe place, huh?  I could go for that.  Here you can be the demon and the man.  I like them both.”

            Spike nuzzled into his hair.  “Glad you do.”  He planted a light kiss on the soft skin behind Xander’s ear.  “So who’s Jesse, and where did he go?  Moved away, did he?”

            “He died when we were fifteen.  He was my best friend, we used to joke that we were twins separated at birth.  We did everything together, even finished each other’s sentences.”

            “What happened?”

            “He – there was a, a thing, right after Buffy got here.  He died at the Bronze.  It was a vamp thing.”

            “No wonder you hate us so much.”

            “No, I... That was... It wasn’t... I did, but it wasn’t real.”

            “Now there’s a statement that needs explaining.”

            Xander sighed.  “There was a spell cast on me ... _not_ one I asked for ... that made me hate vampires.  Was supposed to help me, I guess.  Ethan found traces of it when he was working with me, and, um, got rid of the rest of it.  Anyway, that was when I realized I never hated you, not even when you first came to town.  I just figured you were being a vamp.  You know, natural.  I don’t hate sharks, either – wouldn’t want to swim with ’em, but I don’t hate them.  I don’t know why you’re so different from other vamps, though.”

            Spike sighed.  “Here’s the thing.  Watchers and slayers, down through the ages, have maintained that vampires are created when a person dies.  The tale is that a person is one heartbeat away from death when they drink from the vampire.  They die, the soul leaves, and the demon takes over.  This is what you were told, yeah?”

            “That’s what Giles says.  It’s what all the books say, too.”

            “Not all the books, luv, just the ones he’s let you read.”

            “Your point?”

            “He lied, didn’t he?  S’pose it’s possible he didn’t know differently, but if he’s read the books I suspect he has in his private collection, he’d know what really happens.”

 _He lied?  Oh, god, if he did... No, please._   “Wh-what really happens?  Tell me.”

            “A vamp might do it that way if they didn’t care, or were too young to exercise the necessary self-control.  That way creates a minion, the mindless fledges you lot slay by the score.  And no great loss, I might add.  Give us vamps a bad rep, they do.  A master vampire knows better and has the control necessary to do it right.  We drain about half the blood, putting the person into a coma-like state.  _That’s_ when we feed them.  The soul doesn’t leave, because the person doesn’t truly die.  Yes, a demon takes up residence alongside the soul, but for the most part, the person is still who they were in life.  They don’t have normal human inhibitions, and their metabolism changes radically, but they’re still _them_.”  He paused.  “I use the word ‘we’ loosely – I’ve never created another vamp.”

            “That doesn’t make sense.  Why are there so many evil vamps, if they’re still the people they were before?  What about Angel, and the gypsy curse?  And why were you so intent on killing Buffy when you first came here?”

            Spike’s lip lifted in a snarl.  “Wasn’t gonna kill the slayer.  Was trying to get Angel away from her.  Needed his help with Dru, but he was so wrapped up in Buffy, he wouldn’t give me the time of day.  As to why so many minions are nasty; well, not a high class of vamp you have here on the hellmouth, probably don’t care what they create.  Or maybe they were sloppily turned and the demon has full control, or maybe they had that spark of bad within them, and the turning released it.  Not all evil comes from demons, pet.”

            “I know that.  But, except for you and Angel, we’ve only seen vamps bent on death and destruction.”  He bit his lip.  “Have we been killing good vamps?”

            “Doubtful.  Most likely you’ve faced untrained fledges.  They’re just cannon fodder in a place like this.  In normal vamp societies, you’d see more of the other kind.  Thing is, there isn’t a normal society here, because no vampire worthy of the name would try to build one on a hellmouth.  Bloody things put out vibes that can warp damn near anything.  What you’ve got here are perversions of true vampires.  Power-hungry demons looking to control the world around them.”

            “How come no pulse, the sunlight crispy thing, aversions to holy water and crosses?”

            “Combine a weak or wicked soul with a strong demon, and you get that.  You may have noticed those things don’t bother Angel or I as much.  Well, sunlight does, but we _do_ host a demon, after all.  Lose some of the perks of humanity, don’t we?  And we have a pulse, it’s just so slow that only modern technology and a very patient doctor will pick it up.”

            “And the curse on Angel?”

            “Was a curse, yeah?  Separated the soul and the demon, where they’d been cohabiting before.  Ya see, as _only_ the soul in control of a vampire’s body, the human conscience couldn’t handle what he’d done over the centuries under Darla.  That’s part of the edge the demon gives us.  Makes us, well, not _comfortable_ with murder and mayhem, exactly, unless the soul’s bent that way at the start.  But the demon knows, and helps the soul accept, that one’s body must feed, and one’s Sire must be obeyed.  When the demon got relegated to a prison in his head, Angel was born.  And he couldn’t cope.”

            “And I suppose the four of you _weren’t_ the Scourge of Europe?”

            Spike sighed.  “We were, but... Wasn’t exactly like the historians say, and wasn’t just us.  Ya see, Darla had minions up the wazoo, and human helpers as well.  Plus, she claimed a lot of atrocities we’d no part in, just to build the rep.”  He shrugged.  “Wasn’t hard to do, considering the times.  A word in the right ear, and rumor became fact.  Not like we had legions of reporters with cameras following us about, yeah?  As to bein’ part of the Scourge, Darla was a right bitch, both before and after the demon joined her.  She created Angel, who brought first Dru and then me to her for turning.  She controlled us all.  Childer can only defy their sires up to a point.  We’re hardwired to obey.  ’S how it works, yeah?  Remember, I said ‘one’s Sire must be obeyed.’  Eventually childer are either released by the sire, the sire dies, or the childer become master vampires on their own.  Only then can they make their own way.”

            “The books Giles had us read said Angel sired Dru, and she sired you.”

            “Sod the books.  Bloody gits who wrote them knew nothing.  Watchers spend their lives watching everything and seeing naught but what they expect to see.  Was Darla who spread that lie, and the watchers bought it.  Not like anyone witnessed our turnings, yeah?”

            “So, Angel’s not your grandsire, he’s your _brother_?”

            “Hmm, that’d be the closest you mortals have to it.  And that’s how we refer to one another, time to time.”

            Xander’s mind twisted back to the lie Giles had told him, if it was a lie.  Did he believe Spike?  “Darla was a master vampire.”

            Spike’s brow furrowed, but he nodded.

            “Wh-what kind of vampires did she create?”

            Spike’s frown deepened.  “She knew what she was doing.  She wanted intelligent childer, but was capable of creating nothin’ but minions if she was of a mind.”  Spike sat up.  “Xan, what’s wrong?”

 _Jesse.  Dear god, they told me Jesse was gone, nothing there but the demon wearing his face._   He felt his eyes fill and turned to Spike.  “Long before you came here, there was something called the Harvest.  Darla was here, working for the Master.  That’s when Jesse... _She_ turned Jesse.”  He swallowed, tasting the truth of what Spike had said and finding it cold and bitter.  “Buffy and Giles told me he wasn’t my friend anymore, that Jesse was dead.  He... I saw him at the Bronze, he was talking to me.  He sounded a little weird, yeah, but Jesse was always weird.  He seemed more confused than evil.  Someone ran by, and he was pushed into me.”  He fought the tightness in his throat, needing to tell the story.  “I staked him.  Didn’t mean to, he fell onto the stake I was holding and then he was d-dust.  Everyone said it was for the best.  I never knew about... No one told me... Oh god, I killed him.  My Jesse, my friend.”

            Cool hands pulled him close and cool arms held him tight.  Xander let the tears fall, while a demon offered him comfort.

*********

            Spike looked down at the man nestled in his arms.  Xander had cried without making a sound, the only evidence of his sorrow his trembling and the warm tears that fell on Spike’s chest.  When they’d stopped, he’d realized that Xander was asleep.  He was amazed that the mortal trusted him enough to relax so completely – he’d just ripped the man’s world apart, destroyed the foundation on which he’d based the past six years of his life.  And still, Xander had fallen asleep in his arms.

            Carefully, he maneuvered them so they were stretched out on the couch, Xander draped over him like a warm, breathing blanket.  Something hard was digging into his thigh, and he felt around until he located Xander’s cell phone, clipped to the outside of his left front pocket.  He pulled it off, set it on the footstool, and wrapped his arms around his warm bundle of human.

            He wasn’t tired – between the long healing sleep, and the short nap after the chip was destroyed, he was completely refreshed.  He set himself the task of figuring out how to get the Scoobies to view Xander as the remarkable man he truly was.  _Oi, hold on ... why do I give a rat’s ass what they think?_   He sighed. _Because it hurts him, and I wouldn’t have him hurt for the world.  Right then, treat it like a tactical problem.  They still see him as a high school loser, even though that person never really existed.  That was just the facade he projected._

            Spike nearly sat up at that thought.  _Could it really be that simple?  Is Xander himself causing them to view him as the Zeppo?  Does he subconsciously reinforce that image, by virtue of his empathic ability? Possible.  Who do I ask to find out if it’s probable?  And then how do I solve it?_

 _First step, talk to Rayne; he’s the one said Xander could project with training.  Okay, can do that – Xan’s phone is right there, and the number’s bound to be in it.  Wait – will he mind?  Should I talk to him first?_   Spike pondered this for a few minutes, then shook his head.  _Nah, first find out if it’s feasible.  Then p’raps we can both discuss it with Xan.  Okay, make the call, but be quiet.  Boy needs his rest._

            He picked up the phone, searched through the contact list until he found one headed ‘Ethan,’ and pressed the speed dial for that listing.

            “Hello, Alexander.”

            “It’s Spike, mate.  Got a question for ya.”

            “Is he all right, William?”  There was genuine concern in that voice.

            “He’s fine, Ethan.  Sleepin’ at the moment, and I don’t wanna wake him.  ’S why I’m talkin’ so soft, yeah?”

            “I’m sorry, I worry about him.”

            “No need right now, he’s... Well, earlier he had a set-to with his friends.  None of them seem to think him capable of making an intelligent decision.  And then he found out the watcher lied to him about the way vamps are made, and how much of their humanity they retain.  He took it hard.  Cried himself to sleep, he did.”

            “How much of... Perhaps you could explain that remark?”

            Spike repeated what he’d told Xander while the mage listened in silence.

            “I see how that would be upsetting, but... Does his reaction have anything to do with the spell Willow performed on him a few years back?”

            “What?  He didn’t say Willow was the one.  No, this was about a friend of his who died during the Harvest.”

            “That mess.  Yes, I remember it.  Now then, not that it isn’t wonderful to chat with you, William, and not that I don’t enjoy hearing that you’re caring for my best student, but it’s late, and I’m rather tired.  Why did you call?”

            “Right, sorry.  Are you aware of the way his friends regard him?  Has he ever told you they consider him the zero of the group?”

            “Yes, it’s come up a time or two.  Why?”

            “You said with training, he could conceivably influence others.  I’m assuming you meant on an emotional level?”

            “Yes, but again I ask... Oh, bloody, buggering hell!  He’s been doing it without knowing.  I should be whipped.  How could I have missed it?  He even did it to me, and I didn’t catch on.  He’s probably the reason you haven’t been driven from town or staked.  Why didn’t I see this?  I should hang up my license as a mage.”

            After a few minutes of imaginative and colorful invective by Rayne, Spike interrupted.  “Save the self-flagellation for another time, yeah?  What can we do about it?”

            “The first step will be getting him to accept what he’s done, without making him feel worse about himself.  After that, I step up the training to control his gift.”

            “Want me to keep quiet for now, eh?”

            “If you can.  I’ll make a point of stopping by tomorrow, if you think that would suit.”

            “Should do.  See you then, mate.”

            “Yes.  Oh, and William?”

            “Hmm?”

            “Were you educated at Oxford, or Cambridge?”  Ethan chuckled, and hung up before Spike could reply.

            “Git.”  He closed the phone and returned it to the footstool.  Xander shifted in his arms.

            “Mmph.  Heard talking.  Everything ’kay?”

            Spike carded his fingers through the silky hair.  “Just fine, luv.  Only me muttering to m’self.  Think you can go back to sleep?”

            A soft snore was his only answer.

*********

            Buffy strode down the sidewalk, ignoring the late afternoon sunshine, the cool breeze, and the people she bumped into.  She shoved the door to the Magic Box open, stomped inside, and dropped her books onto the table.  The sound of them landing was a small thunderclap in the store, and the three people seated at the table jerked.

            “What seems to be the problem, Buffy?”  Giles removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes.

            “Problem?  After last night, you have to ask?  What the hell is wrong with Xander?  That’s the problem.”

            “Yes, well, I thought we agreed to come back to that after the current crisis is over.  Which, I might add, I’ve been up all night researching.”  He looked over at Anya.  “Let’s close the shop early, shall we?  It’s been a slow day, and I’m rather fatigued.”  The former demon nodded and headed towards the back to lock the rear door.

            Buffy glared at Giles.  “ _I_ never agreed to it.  I couldn’t sleep last night.  Everything Xan and Spike said and did was on repeat play in my head, and now I’m pissed.”

            Willow and Tara exchanged a quick look.  Willow sighed.  “Yeah, we can see that.  But, um, why are you so angry _now_?”

            Buffy paced in front of the table.  “Because none of that was Xander.  It couldn’t have been.  He isn’t angry, bossy, or in your face about anything.  He’s go-along guy.  He’s funny, dorky, and sorta crushing on me.  Not, not... He wasn’t even _dressed_ like normal!”  She flopped into a chair.  “And I’m mad because he’s gotten himself into some kind of trouble with Spike and we’re gonna have to take care of him _again_.”  She blew a strand of hair off her face.  “Why can’t he just get donuts and coffee and stay out of things he doesn’t understand?”

            Willow frowned.  “That isn’t very nice, Buffy.  I know Xander isn’t special... I mean, _we_ think he’s special, but he doesn’t have any extra abilities, or anything.  Still, it isn’t nice to expect him to just fetch and carry for us.  And I know he’s been possessed twice, and under spells a couple of times... Oh, and there was the thing with the swim coach in high school, and mantis lady, and... Do you think he’s in that kind of trouble?  Cuz you’re right, he’s way different from normal.  Giles, could he be under another spell?  Or maybe Spike thralled him.  Does Spike know how?  Dru does, and she could’ve taught him.  Tara and I could make up a detection potion, and sprinkle it on him.  Then we’d know if it was a spell, or whatever.  Or, or, maybe he’s been cursed by a spirit, like on Thanksgiving.  Goddess, I hope it isn’t something like that again.  That was nasty.  We have to help him, Giles.”

            “Calm down, both of you.  There’s no evidence that anything of that sort is going on with Xander.  While I’m not entirely certain why Spike defended Xander last night, I’m sure if we just—”

            Willow shook her head.  “No, but there is evidence!  All that stuff Buffy said. And she’s right, he isn’t even dressing like himself.  He looked _good_.  Not that he... But his clothes were so cool and not Xander-like.”

            “Developing a sense of fashion is neither criminal nor indicative of possession.  It is, however, a relief.”  Giles shuddered.  “I, for one, am quite thankful he decided to forego those dreadful shirts.”

            “But he isn’t _telling_ us anything about himself anymore.  We don’t know where he works, or lives, or what he does in his spare time.  And, and it’s all so sudden.  I mean, overnight sudden, he’s never argued like that, or just walked out, or, well, any of that stuff.  We’re losing him, and I can’t lose my Xander.”  Willow jumped up and began gathering herbs and books from the shelves.  “I’ll just make up something that will tell us what’s wrong with him.  Then we can fix it and everything can go back to normal.”

            Giles sighed.  “I’m not sure that’s the best course of action.  You know Xander dislikes having magic performed on him without his knowledge, as would anyone.”

            “Go on, Wills.”  Buffy shooed Willow back to her hunting/gathering.  “This is for his own good, Giles.  You’ll see.  Willow will make with the mojo, and poof – we’ll have our Xander-shaped friend back.  No more hanging with Spike, being mean, or arguing with you.” She paused and shrugged.  “Well, no more than usual, anyway.  Tara, why don’t you call Xan and have him come by here tomorrow morning?  That way, Spike won’t tag along.”

            Tara shook her head.  “No, I don’t want to get involved in this.  I don’t think anything’s wrong.”

            Willow turned to face her girlfriend.  “Tara, sweetie, how can you say that? After yesterday, I thought you... How can you think nothing’s wrong?”

            Tara’s voice dropped to a whisper, but it was firm.  “Because it’s what I believe.  I’ve seen his aura, and it’s beautiful.  He seems stronger, more sure of himself.  I think he’s just coming into his own.”

            Buffy flapped a hand at her.  “You haven’t known Xan as long as we have.  He wouldn’t be like this unless it’s a spell, or a possession, or something equally icky.”  She watched Anya lock the shop door and move to the register to check the receipts.  “Anya, c’mere a second.”  The ex-demon walked over and sat next to Giles.  “You weren’t here last night, so let me give you the four-one-one on that.”  She quickly explained what had happened, how Xander had acted, and their conclusions.  She sat back, arms crossed over her chest.  “So, what do you think?  Willow and I are right, aren’t we?  You never said, but I figured you dumped Xan because he was just too immature and couldn’t hold a decent job, so no real future there.  Right?”

            Anya’s eyes narrowed.  “Haven’t we had this discussion before?  I didn’t _dump_ Xander, we discussed things and realized our long range goals weren’t compatible.  We decided to change our relationship from a romantic one to friendship.  Xander is a wonderful person, and truly wanted me to be happy.”  She smiled at Giles.  “And I _am_ happy.”

            Buffy snorted.  “Yeah, okay, whatever.  But he still wasn’t acting normal last night.”

            Anya shook her head.  “You really don’t know him at all, not anymore.  He’s a mature man with depths the two of you don’t even suspect exist.”

            Willow’s eyes widened.  “Don’t know him?  I’ve known him all my life.  Man?  Depths?  What are you talking about?  Xander’s just a boy... Well, not just, but... He’s not a grown-up.”

            Tara shook her head.  “Willow, do you honestly not see how mature Xander’s become?  He isn’t a teenager anymore; not in age or attitude.”

            Anya rose from her chair.  “None of these changes you and Buffy are so worried about happened overnight, as you two seem to think.  You simply haven’t paid attention.  You’ve been in college for three years and you’ve changed – did you think he’d remain the high school goofball forever?  If you want to discover what kind of man Xander’s become, you’ll have to get to know him again.”  She turned to her lover.  “Rupert, I’ll come in early to tally up the register.  I’m going home.”

            “Yes, very well.  I’ll see you soon, my dear.”  He looked at Buffy and Willow.  “I think we all need to step back and rethink this.  Anya and Tara are correct – it’s ridiculous to assume that Xander wouldn’t have grown and changed during the time you’ve been in college.  The three of you live on campus, your paths seldom cross with his.  I haven’t made the effort to keep in touch as I should have.  I intend to give myself time to reacquaint myself with Xander and I urge you to do the same.”  He stood, gathered his books, and motioned to the door.  “Come along, ladies.  I’m tired and would like to go home.”

            Buffy sent a quick glance to Willow and got a small nod from the red-haired witch.  “Okay, fine.  Be that way.  We’ll think it over, but I’m telling you, Giles, we’re right.  There’s something wrong with Xander.”  She stepped outside and waited for Willow and Tara.

            Giles followed the witches out, locked the door, and headed for home.  Buffy turned to Willow.  “Did you get what you needed?”

            Willow nodded, then shot a quick glance at Tara, who waited a few feet away.  “Yes, just keep it quiet, okay?  Let’s meet for coffee in the morning.  Tara has a class and I have some free time.  We’ll make our plans then.”

            “Yeah, sure.  I don’t wanna cause a fuss between you and your honey.  See you later.”  Buffy raised her voice slightly.  “Bye, Tara.”


	4. Chapter Three

            Spike followed Xander out to his shop.  The late afternoon sun was on the other side of the house, and the patio and backyard were shadowed and cool.  He looked the building over while Xander unlocked the door and turned off the alarm.

            “Why no windows in here?  Would’ve thought you’d want natural light.”

            Xander flipped a switch and overhead bulbs sprang to life around the large building.  “No way.  I need controlled light – one stray sunbeam bouncing off all the metal in here could blind a guy.”

            “Never thought of that.”

            “Old age catching up with you, Blondie?”

            “Brat.  I’m young for a vamp.  Won’t be in my dotage for another few years yet.”

            Xander frowned.  “Huh, just thought of something.  You said you have a pulse, but it’s slow.  So – do vamps age?  And if so, at what rate?”

            “Good question, that.  No, we don’t.  The physical changes we undergo at our turning stops the aging process.  We can get fat and out of shape, though.  Have to work to maintain this perfect body.”

            Brown eyes blinked and turned darker.  “Certainly is perfect.  What kind of workout do you prefer?”

            Spike groaned mentally.  The boy looked like seven kinds of sin right now, and was nearly irresistible.  He cleared his throat.  “All kinds, pet, but later for that.  I can see you’ve been keeping busy.”  He waved a hand at the walls, which were covered with edged weapons in various stages of development.  “Do have a question, though.”

            Xander raised his eyebrows.

            “Why haven’t you sold me one of those beautiful creations?  ’S not like I don’t have the dosh.”

            Pale rose tinged Xander’s throat and cheeks.  “Um, I wouldn’t sell you anything, Spike, it would be a gift.  In fact, it will be.  I wanted something special for you.  I’ve been working on it for a couple of months.  It’s nearly ready.  I just have the last piece to finish.  Do you want to see it?”  He was looking down at his feet, hands stuffed in his pockets.

            Spike reached out with one finger and lifted Xander’s head.  He smiled, hoping to erase the worry in those brown eyes.  “I’d love to.  If you made it, it’s bound to be perfect.”

            Xander opened a large drawer and pulled out a cloth-wrapped bundle.  He set it on the bench, opened the cloth, and revealed two short scimitars and a single knife.  The knife blade was curved to match the scimitars.  The handle of each piece was made of silver, and cunningly shaped into a pale tiger, the stripes somehow suggested with shallow grooves, nose wrinkled and lips lifted in a snarl that revealed the long canines.  “The last piece is a mate to the knife.  All that’s left is to set the stones for the eyes and polish the silver.”

            Spike reached hesitantly for the knife, looking to Xander for permission.  When the mortal nodded, he picked it up and studied it.  The balance was superb, the blade made of rare fire steel, and the tiger’s eyes were tiny chips of blue topaz.  He knew without touching them the scimitars would have the same feel in his hands, like living things that waited for his touch and his alone.  Spike was stunned.  He’d known it would be well-crafted and beautiful, just going by what he’d seen here and at the watcher’s, but this was beyond anything he’d expected.

            “Xander this isn’t a weapon, it’s a work of art.  No question why a gallery would be interested in your work.  It’s beautiful, innit?  I don’t know what to say, except thank you.  I’m honored that you made this for me.”

            “I chose a Siberian tiger for the handles because that’s what you remind me of when you fight.  A big cat, pure predator, snarling, and fierce, and, and beautiful.”  His head dropped and his voice faded to a whisper on the last word.

            Spike carefully placed the knife back on the bench and his hands on Xander’s shoulders, using them to pull him close.  “Have to say, you’re one of a kind, Xan.  No need to hide from me, I like the real you just fine.”  Xander felt the hyena rumble her approval, and smiled into the cool neck.

            “Primal must be talkin’ to you, luv.”

            “How’d you know that?”  He lifted his head and Spike stroked his cheek.

            “Your scent changes when she’s more, hmm, present, I s’pose you’d say.  By the by, did you know your eyes turned green a couple times last night?  Just for a second, but I saw it.”

            “When she’s closer to the surface, my senses sharpen.  Didn’t know my eyes changed.”

            “What brings her out, then?”

            “Strong emotions, mostly.  Or adrenaline, like if I’m in fight or flight mode.”

            Spike shifted, and began to plant soft kisses on his neck.  “What about passion?  Would that do it?  I have to say, you were quite ... fetching.  All that dark, silky hair,” a kiss to his ear made him shiver, “warm, bronze skin,” a tongue-flick to the pulse point on his neck, “and wicked, green eyes.  Oh yeah, a lovely picture you made.”

            “Ah, Jesus.”  Xander drew in a ragged breath.  “You, you don’t expect me to think, do you?  Hope not.  Don’t want to... Just want...”  His tongue requested entrance to the vampire’s mouth and swept in when it was granted.

            Spike feasted on the mortal’s mouth until he felt his true face come out.  He broke away, panting.

            “What?  Did I do something wrong?”

            “Not likely.  Did everything right, you did.  Just gotta stop for a bit if we’re gonna take it slow, yeah?  Gettin’ me all worked up.”  He felt the ridges melt away.  “Gotta say, if snoggin’ is this good, can hardly wait for full-on loving.  Gonna be spectacular.”

            Xander sighed and leaned his forehead against Spike’s.  “Hmm, yeah.  About taking it slow.  I’ve never felt more sure of anything than I do us.  You’re right for me.  We’re right together.  All of me feels like I’m home when I’m with you, and it feels like I’ve wanted this forever.  And yet I’m scared and excited and confused.  How can it seem so right, when all we’ve done is kiss?”  He dropped his head.  “Am I making any sense?”

            Spike gently gripped the warm chin, bringing Xander’s head up.  “I feel the same, Xan.  Part of it’s meeting your other half, corny as that sounds.  Part of it’s you, the empath, forging a link between us.  Couldn’t happen if there wasn’t something there to begin with – your ability just compresses the time factor.  But we have to be on the same page.  Told you I’ve wanted you for a long while, yeah?  Don’t want a shag and a thanks.  Want the long haul.  Want you to want me for m’self.  No one’s ever done that.”

            “What about Dru?  She... You two were together for so long.”

            “Yeah, but not because she wanted me for _me_.  Dru kept me around because I took care of her.  Angel and me – well, that’s more talking than we have time for today.  Suffice to say, we have enough issues to open a magazine stand.”  He tilted his head.  “I know how all of me feels about you.  And making love to you is gonna bring my demon forward, no doubt there.  It’ll want to claim you, make you mine.  Gotta be sure you’re ready for that.”

            “Want _you_ , Spike.  Body, soul, and demon.  Want your loyalty, your possessiveness, your passion.  Want all of it, all of you.”  He paused, biting his lip.  “I love you.  You’re my pack, my mate.”  He shook his head.  “Not being real clear, I know.”

            Spike feathered a soft kiss against his lips.  “Clear enough – I feel the same.  Let’s just savor the journey, yeah?  First time only comes once, Sweetness and I want yours to be special.  Never want you to regret a single moment with me.  It’ll be worth the wait, I promise you.”  He leaned back and smiled.  “Now, what say you show me those tunnel entrances, yeah?  Wanna learn my way around your home.”

            “ _Our_ home, Spike.  Gonna have your name put on the papers Monday.  Same for the truck and bike.”  He grinned and led the way to the shop’s tunnel entrance.  “Although I suppose you could buy whatever transportation you want.  And that reminds me, how come you’ve been living in a crypt, and own next to nothing?”

            “Didn’t particularly care where I lived, and I didn’t want to keep much in the crypt.  Figured if you and the rest knew I had money, you’d wonder why I chose to stay.  Be suspectin’ me of all kinds of mischief.  Thought if I made it seem I needed help, you’d all be less chary of me.”

            Xander showed him the hidden button that moved an entire shelf unit away from the wall, and pointed out the key that fit the lock.  “Um, I kinda ruined that.  I told Giles that you have money.”

            “This is right clever, pet.”  He pushed the shelf back against the wall, and they crossed the room to the outside door.  “Yeah, heard you talking to Rupert.  Doesn’t matter since they never accepted me anyway.  Wasn’t one of my better ideas.  Although I did get to see more of you that way.”

            Xander laughed.  “Yeah, you even got to stay at the Harris Hilton.  What a joke that place was.”

            “Wasn’t all bad—you were there.”  Spike rubbed his jaw.  “Do your folks know about this place?”

            “My folks haven’t known much about my life since I was fifteen.  And nothing at all since I moved out.  My bank sends my mom money every month.  I don’t know what she does with it, but she’s got it if she needs it.  If she ever decides to leave the worthless piece of shit that donated sperm, I’ll help.  Otherwise, I have no time for either of them.”

 _Likely she stood by while his da lit into him, and never helped him_.  “Fifteen, hmm?  Was that when the Primal came along?”

            “That’s when Buffy moved here.  The hyena possessed me when I was sixteen.  We weren’t joined well enough for her to help me stand up to my dad.  It wasn’t until I moved out and started training with Ethan that the two of us were able to communicate more than simple emotions.”  He shook his head.  “I sound like the poster boy for multiple personality disorders.”

            “Know what it’s like, don’t I?  The demon has its own way of making itself clear.  Much more basic in its wants and needs than the human part of me.”

            They moved into the garage, where there was another neatly hidden door to the tunnels, this one at the back of a storage closet.  Then it was on to the bedroom, where he was shown the last door, hidden in the paneling beside the bed.  “Makes for quick getaways, should anyone get into your house, yeah?”

            “Yeah, but that will only happen if the wards fail.  Ethan and I check them every month.”  He dug a toe into the carpet and slanted a glance up at Spike.  “What would you like to do today?  We still have a few more hours until sunset.”

            He raised his brow.  “Got something planned for us this evening?”

            “Um, well, I thought you might like to go out.  There’s a nice restaurant just outside town that caters to mixed crowds.  And they have a no-violence spell on the place.  Makes it nice for the fragile mortals.”  They returned to the living room and settled on the couch.

            “Makes sense.”  He ran his hand over his hair.  “Gotta ask, cuz it’s drivin’ me barmy.  When did you, er... I didn’t know... Bollocks.  How come no one knows you go for blokes, Xan?”

            Xander shrugged.  “Probably cuz I didn’t know until Ethan and I started working together.  The spell that made me hate vamps had a weird side effect.”  He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.  “See, Jesse and I were more than just friends.  Might have been headed toward being lovers, when we got a little older.  The spell was cast just after he died.  The side-effect was that I lost the memories of those feelings.  I don’t know if it was an intentional part of the mojo, or what.  Ethan freed me from all aspects of the spell, and then I realized why I, um, noticed guys so much.  You in particular.”

            “Can see why you don’t care for magic bein’ used on ya.  ’S caused you enough trouble, yeah?”

            “Yeah.  So, about dinner – wanna go?”

            “I’d love to take you out and show you off.  Make everyone jealous, cuz I’ve this handsome man all to m’self.”

            Xander snorted.  “As if.  Probably the other way around.  They’ll all wonder how someone like me got someone like you.”

            Spike pulled him in for a quick kiss.  “And if they ask, I’ll tell them I’m lucky that way.”

*********

            Willow waved from her table when Buffy arrived at the coffee shop.  The blonde joined her after getting her order, and Willow stared at her iced mocha and sighed.  “I don’t get it.  I mean, why is everyone so angry?  Even Tara’s upset with me, and now she won’t even talk about it anymore.  And Giles, with the wanting to wait, and Xander yelling... It’s like they don’t even care that we’re just trying to help.”

            Buffy sipped a frappuccino and nodded.  “Well, Xander would never want to admit he’s in trouble and needs our help.  I don’t get Giles, though.  He’s usually right there with warning Xan to be careful and stop messing around.  Now he’s all ‘leave him alone’ instead of fixing whatever’s wrong.  Oh, and I found out about Xander and Angelus – you know, the White Knight comment.  It was from when I was in the hospital.  Angelus came to, uh, visit me.  Xander told him off and made him go away.  That’s what Spike was talking about.”

            Willow stared at her friend.  This was the first time they’d talked about Angelus.  When Buffy had returned to Sunnydale that summer, she’d made it clear the subject was taboo.  “But that means Xander’s been hiding stuff from us all this time.  Why wouldn’t he say... I thought we were best friends.”

            Buffy snorted.  “Yeah, right.  Best friends don’t lie to each other, and they don’t hide important stuff from each other, either.  I don’t know what to do, who to talk to about this.”  She looked up and waved.  “Riley’s here.  Maybe he can help.  Or at least make us feel better for trying to do something.”

            Riley slid into the booth next to Buffy and kissed her cheek.  “Hello ladies.  Why so glum?”

            Willow sighed again.  “Just stuff – Xander stuff.”

            “That doesn’t tell me much.  What’s happening with him?”

            Buffy explained what had gone on and Riley frowned.  “So, the watcher’s pissed because you tried to help Xander?  That doesn’t make any sense.  It’s obvious to me he needs help.  Something sure isn’t right, at least from what you say.  Maybe Mr. Giles is too emotionally involved to see things clearly.”

            Willow looked up, a small frown on her face.  “What do you mean?”

            Riley shrugged.  “He sorta thinks of you all as his kids, doesn’t he?  And with Xander being the only guy, that makes him like a son.  Men can be kinda funny about anyone thinking their ‘son’ is less than perfect.  Especially since the watcher doesn’t really have any blood kin.”

            Buffy nibbled on a fingernail.  “Maybe.  What do you think, Wills?”

            “It could be, but if that’s the problem with Giles, then what can we do?  I don’t know how to make him realize how wrong things are.  And they are wrong.  Xander was mean, and rude, and he yelled at me.  And Spike was all growly over how he thinks we treat Xander.  That’s not any version of normal.”

            Riley leaned back in the seat, one arm slung around Buffy’s shoulder.  “Well, I bet we can come up with a way to either get things back to normal, or open up Rupert’s eyes.  We just have to put our heads together.  Because I think you’re right – why would Spike and Xander stick up for each other if there wasn’t something hinky going on?  Spike’s a vampire, he has to have a scheme of some kind brewing.  Xander’s just being duped.”

            Buffy nodded.  “So, what are we waiting for?  Biteless and Xander will probably be at the Scooby meeting tonight.  Let’s get with the planning.”

*********

            Anya looked up from the computer screen, bit her lip, and sighed.  _Time to open some eyes_.  “Rupert, would you come look at this, please?”

            He strolled over, glanced at the computer, and grimaced.  “You know I loathe those things, dear.”

            “I’m not asking you to operate it, just look.”  She brought up a web page displaying weapons, and he bent closer.

            “Those are lovely.  Whoever made them is quite the skilled artisan.  Is there more to see?”  She clicked to another screen and he gasped.  “That’s ... that’s Gnarkin fire steel, and the other’s Fristian ice.  I haven’t seen a weapon worked in those in; well, never, now that I think on it.  I’ve only read about and seen pictures of the metals.  Bloody hell, these are marvelous pieces.  Are these just for display, or does the maker sell them?”

            “They’re for sale.  Would you like to see the page on the man who designs these?”

            “Yes, please.”  He leaned closer and sighed.  _Perhaps he has something small I could afford.  To own anything made by such a craftsman would be a treat._

            Wordlessly, she clicked to the page that displayed the artisan’s information.  Rupert read the page – twice – and sat down heavily in the chair beside her.  “A. L. Harris - _Xander_?  He made these... Dear lord, my sword and Buffy’s axe.  I never even thanked him.  But when did he... Where did he learn?”  He rubbed a hand over his face.  “I truly have underestimated him, haven’t I?  What else have I missed?  How do I begin to make it up to him?”

            She smiled at him.  _Finally, he’s getting it_.  “You start, lover, by getting to know him.  The real Xander Harris, not the mask he shows.  Believe in him and trust him.  You might also try talking to him, and listening when _he_ talks.  It’s been known to work.”

*********

            Willow hurried down the hall, rapped on Buffy’s door, and peered inside.  Buffy grabbed her bag and followed Willow back to the witch’s room.  The red head babbled as they walked.  “Okay, so I found the perfect spells.  One’s a detection spell, and that’s what we need, sure.  But I’m gonna add an immobolizing spell to it, so he’ll be still for at least thirty minutes after it hits him.  That’ll give me time to check into what kind of spell, or thrall, or whatever is on him.  I mean, some of them are hard to figure out, even with the detection potion, so I’ll need more time than just a few seconds, and besides, he’d get mad and walk away unless I stop him somehow, and this was all I could think of to hold him in one place.  Anyway, I’ve got everything I need.  We just have to mix some herbs and things, and I use an incantation over them, and then we sprinkle Xander with it.  Okay?”  She pushed Buffy into the room Willow and Tara shared, and waved toward the desk.  “This is everything we need.”

            Buffy blinked.  “Whoa, Willow – breathe, all right?  What do you need me to do?”

            “It’s just like baking; you follow the recipe.  Just read it to me, and I’ll get started on it.”

            “I can do that.”  She took the directions from Willow, and began reading.  “So, where are we gonna do this?  Can’t be at the coffee shop, that’s too public.  We don’t know where he lives, so his place is out.  And I don’t think it’s a good idea to bring him here, even if he’d come.  I know Riley said he’d help at the meeting tonight, but we should do this first, right?  Then we’ll know what to tell the others.”

            “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”  Willow ground some herbs, and added the next ingredient.  “What about the training room at the Magic Box?  No one would disturb us there.”

            “Good idea.  Now, how do we get him there?”

            “Oh, that’s easy.  Is that two or three teaspoons of ground madarksa root?”

            “Uh, two.  And how is it easy?”

            “I just have to call and tell him I want to apologize.  In person.  If I get a little teary and choked up, he’ll fall all over himself so we can make up.  It always works.”

            “If you’re sure...”

            “Of course I’m sure.  No one knows Xander better than I do.  Oh, and I’ll leave Tara a message.  I don’t want her calling in the middle of everything.”  Willow left a message with Tara’s voice mail that she was going to a movie with Buffy, and would see her later.  Then she called Xander, hoping he’d pick up the phone.

*********

            Spike and Xander were curled together on the sofa, in what was becoming their favorite position – Spike nestled into the corner while Xander leaned against him, back to front.  They’d had a brief sparring session so Spike could evaluate Xander’s progress. They’d discussed a better training schedule, filling in the broad strokes and waiting to work out the details as they came up.

            Spike frowned.  “You sure this won’t cut into your business?”

            “I can work when I want.  Specialized weapons bring a good price, there’s the gallery stuff, and Anya’s a wiz at investments.  I could sit back, be lazy, and get fat without lifting a finger.  Wouldn’t do it, cuz I’d get bored, but I’m pretty much set.  I even have a retirement plan, can you believe it?  Oh, no luxury yachts or Lear jets in my future,” he snorted, “although why the hell I’d want them I don’t know.  But I don’t _have_ to work.  I do it because I like it.  Working the metal, designing the shapes, the precision of the work; it all calls to me.  And I love the smell of wood, the beauty of the grain, making something from a slab or block that just comes alive.”  Spike nuzzled into his neck and Xander shivered. 

            “What about customers?  How do they get in touch with you?”

            “Most through the website, some by word-of-mouth.  I have a business phone that’s separate from the house phone.  Speaking of phones, I want to pick up a cell phone for you.  Do you want your own account, or should I just add a phone to mine?  That way’s cheaper.”

            “Whatever’s easiest, luv.  How many people have your cell phone number?  Will it be ringing at all hours?  If so, I’ll turn the bloody thing off, you know.”

            “Ethan has it.  Tara, Joyce, Dawn, and David and Elaine.  I’m particular about who can reach me twenty-four/seven.  When you get one, that’ll make six people who have that number.”

            “None of the rest of the Scooby gang?  I’m... Well, not so surprised at that as I would have been a few days ago.”

            “They could’ve had it, if they’d shown any interest in my life.  All they ever want to know is if I’ll be at the next meeting, and can I stop for coffee on the way.”  He tipped his head back and closed his eyes.  “I don’t understand it.  I know I’m nothing special, but I’ve helped as much as I can.  Why can’t they see that I’ve changed?  Am I that unimportant to them?”

            Whatever answer Spike might have given was stopped by the ringing of the house phone.  Xander stilled and listened when the answering machine picked up, hearing Willow’s trembling voice asking him to please forgive her.  He sighed and rose, walked over to the phone, and lifted the receiver.  “Hey, Wills.  Stop with the hairshirt, okay?  Yeah, I know you’re just thinking of me, but... Well, I have plans for... Now?  Um, I wanted to stop by the mall anyway, so... Okay, yeah, I’ll see you there in a bit.”  He hung up and plopped down next to Spike.

            “I heard it all, pet.  You think she means it?”

            Xander shrugged.  “Probably, but that doesn’t mean it’ll last.  Next time I do or say something they think is out of character, it’ll start all over again.”

            “Gotta work on making them see you as you are – capable, strong, intelligent.  Isn’t easy changing the way people think of you, not when they’ve had years to reinforce a certain image.  I’ll help all I can.  It’ll get better, you’ll see.”

            He leaned in for a kiss and then batted his lashes at the vampire.  “Want to come with?  Protect my honor?”

            Spike grinned.  “I think...”  He stiffened and turned toward the door.  “Bloody hell – Angel’s here.”

            Xander swallowed once, straightened, and moved quickly to the door.  He yanked it open to see Angel lowering the blanket he’d draped around himself.  “Xander, uh, hi.  I’d like to... Is Spike really all right?  He called, but—”

            “Oh my god, you were worried.  Who’da thunk it?”  Xander shook his head.  “Two things before I invite you in.  One, this place is heavily warded, so if you mean any harm, the invite won’t work.”

            Angel blinked.  “I don’t... No, no harm.  On my honor.”

            “Cool.  Second thing – how the hell do you know where I live?”

            Angel looked down at his feet.  “Doyle said you’d pick up on that.  I, uh, I’ve ordered weapons from you.”

            Xander snorted.  “Think I’d remember your name on the order form, Deadboy.  Try again.”

            Angel’s head jerked up at the old nickname.  “Yeah.  Well, um, I didn’t use my... That is, I wasn’t sure you’d... Oh hell.  I’m Hyper Enterprises.”

            Xander laughed.  “That name is so not you.  Okay, come on in, Angel.  Spike’s—”

            “Right behind you, pet.”  The vampire leaned against Xander’s back, half-glaring at Angel.  “I’m fine, as you can see.  Why are you here?”

            Angel stepped inside, Xander closed the door, and the vampires followed him the kitchen.  “Look, you two work it out.  I have to jet.  Spike, I’ll leave my cell phone here and call you when I get the new one set up.  Oh, and you know how to ditch Mr. Broodypants if you want.”

            The blonde pulled Xander into his arms, wrapping him in cool comfort.  “Sure you don’t want me along?  Peaches and I can catch up later.”

            Xander ran his finger over a sharp cheekbone and smiled.  “Always want you with me, but I can manage, honest.  You stay and do whatever it is you two need to do.  Just try not to break too much furniture.”

            “We’ll keep the damage to a minimum.”  He kissed him so thoroughly that Xander forgot about Willow, about Deadboy and nearly forgot his own name.  Spike drew back with a smirk.  “That should bring you back soon.”

            Xander blinked.  “Um, yeah... What?”  He shook his head.  “Evil incarnate, Blondie.  Get thee behind me.”

            Spike laughed.  “Later for that, luv.  Off you go, and mind the road.”

            Xander pouted and then chuckled.  “Back soon.  Bye, Angel.”

            The tall vampire looked confused.  “Um, bye.”

            Xander stepped into the garage, shut the door, and switched his mind to the meeting with Willow.  _First stop the mall – might not feel like it after the big apology scene._

*********

            “He’s on his way?”  Buffy paced back and forth in the small room.

            Willow was gathering up her supplies, the potion safely stored in a baggie.  “That’s what he said, but I’m not sure if he’s going to the mall first or not.  So we need to get to the Magic Box, and you’ll have to spin some tale for Anya so she won’t come into the training room while we’re in there with Xander.  Oh, and you should be behind the door, so you can dump the potion on him as soon as he’s inside.  He’ll be expecting to see me waiting for him, so I can’t do it.”

            “Yeah, okay.  I’ll tell her we want to make it up to Xander for being so bitchy last night.  She’ll buy it.  Let’s just get going and get this over with.  I don’t like Xan like this, all mean and grumpy and almost cold.”  _He should be tripping over his feet to do what I want – just cuz that’s normal.  Not because I like him all puppyish.  But, this new Xander is ... creepy._   “If we take a cab, we’ll get there before him.  I’ll split the cost with you.”

            “Good idea.”  Willow zipped up her bag and headed for the door.  “I’m ready now.  Let’s go.”  She reached for the doorknob only to feel it turn under her hand.

*********

            Tara entered the room and stared in surprise.  “Hello, Buffy.”  She shut the door and smiled at Willow.  “I got your message, love.  I didn’t think you two would still be here.  What movie are you going to see?”

            Willow kissed Tara’s cheek.  “Um, hi.  I thought you had that meeting with your Wicca teacher, but you’re here.  Why are you here?”

            Tara crossed the room to the desk and began to hunt through the notebooks and papers scattered over it.  “She wanted to see my spell book, but I must have left it here.  So, are you still going to the movies?  Should I pick up something for dinner?”

            “Uh, well, we, we didn’t actually—”

            Buffy stepped forward and grabbed Willow’s arm.  “We haven’t decided on a movie yet.  We’ll figure that out when we get there.  And we really should be going.”

            Tara uttered a quiet exclamation as her search knocked some papers and a notebook off the desk.  She bent to pick them up.  “Okay; what about dinner?”  She closed the notebook, gathered the papers, and placed everything neatly on the desk.  She spied the corner of her spell book under another stack of papers.  “Oh, here it is.  We need to be neater, Willow.  I can never find anything without hunting.  Now, what about dinner?”  She tucked her spell book into her backpack and turned to her lover, who was staring at the desk.  “Willow?  Dinner?”

            “Oh, um, why don’t you pick up something for yourself?  Buffy and I will eat while we’re out.”

            Tara studied her friends.  “Are you two all right?  You seem a little nervous.”

            Buffy smiled.  “Nah, just full of caffeine-y goodness and ready to have some fun.  Speaking of – come on, Wills.  Gotta get there early enough to pick out a movie.”

            Willow nodded.  “Right.  We should go.  Bye, Tara.”

            Tara shook her head as the two practically ran out the door.  “They really need to switch to decaf.”

            She made sure she had everything she needed, locked the room, and strolled across campus to her meeting.

            Entering Beth Windsor’s office, Tara handed over her spell book and waited.

            Mrs. Windsor smiled at her and motioned to a chair.  “Have a seat, Tara.  You wanted me to check on a spell you want to change, right?”

            “Yes.  It’s something that might come up in the future.  I know it has to be done carefully, so I thought if we went over a very basic, simple spell I could learn the fundamentals from the start.”

            “Very wise – and very refreshing.  So many new Wiccans want to skip foundation work and get right to what they consider the exciting parts.”  She sighed.  “That can be dangerous.”

            Tara nodded.  “I know.  My friend has a habit of changing the words in spells, or substituting ingredients to make a spell stronger... Oh, no.”  Tara yanked a pad and pen from her bag.

            Beth leaned forward and touched the back of Tara’s hand.  “What is it?  What’s wrong?”

            Tara wrote swiftly and then shoved the pad at her teacher.  “This spell – I saw it today, with the changes I’ve jotted down.  What will it do?”

            Professor Windsor looked the spell over and frowned.  “This is a geas, Tara – a compulsion.  Very powerful and dark.  Who wrote this?  Did they intend this result, or is it carelessness?”

            Tara quickly gathered her things.  “I, I don’t know if she means it the way she wrote it.  She doesn’t always think.  But if she uses it...”  Tara stood, slinging her backpack over her shoulder.  “I’m sorry, I have to go.  I need to warn a friend.”

            Outside, she found a quiet corner, dug in her backpack for her cell phone, and pulled up the number Xander had given her months ago.  While the phone rang, she tried to think of how she could convince him that his two best friends were plotting against him.

*********

            Spike heard Xander’s cell phone ring, grabbed the phone from the table and flipped it open.  “Forget something?”

            “Xander?”

            “He left about half an hour ago.  Who’s this?  Red?  How’d you get this number?”

            “No, n-not Willow.  T-Tara.  Spike?”

            Tara had always been decent and kind to him; Spike held no grief for her.  “What’s wrong, Glinda?”

            “I-I-I need to talk to Xander.  It’s important.  Will he be back soon?”

            “Should do – he had a few errands to run.  We’ve dinner plans, so he won’t be out much past six, for certain.”

            “O-okay, I’ll be there as soon as I c-can.”

            “What’s wrong, pet?  Anything I can do?”

            “No, I...  It has to be Xander I tell, I can’t... I’ll explain when I get there.”

            “You need a ride?”

            “No.  I’ll take a cab out.  Spike?”

            “Yeah?”

            “Ask Xander if I can spend the night.”

            There was a click and then nothing.  Spike shut the phone, replaced it on the table, and stared at it.  The blonde witch hadn’t stuttered like that in over a year, and she hadn’t spent a night apart from Red in longer than that.  “What the hell has that stupid bint done this time?”

*********

            Giles walked into the Magic Shop, laden with packages from the post office.  “Hello, my dear.  I thought I saw Xander’s pickup outside, is he here?”

            Anya took some boxes from him and set them on the counter.  “He, Buffy, and Willow are in the training room.  I suppose they’re trying to apologize for their behavior last night.”

            “Ah.  When he comes out, I need to do the same.  You were right, you know, he has matured into a fine young man, and I don’t know how I could have missed it.”  He pulled her close, once again thankful that fate had brought them together.  He dropped a gentle kiss on her forehead.  “I’m glad I have you to talk to, and glad that you got to know the new Xander.  You’ve opened my eyes to a great deal in the last twenty-four hours.”

            Anya turned her mouth up for another kiss, and the two held each other, enjoying the quiet moment.

*********

            Xander walked further into the training room, looking for his childhood friend.  “Okay, Willow, I’m here – what did you want?”

            Xander closed the door behind him, turned and spotted Buffy just as she dumped something over him.  He started sneezing, felt his amulet vibrate strongly against his chest, and pushed Buffy over onto her ass.

            “Oh yeah, great plan, Wills.  Now what?”  Buffy rolled easily to her feet, eyeing Xander cautiously.

            “What the hell were you trying to do?  What is this stuff?”  He brushed at his hair and clothes.  “Willow, what’s going on?”  Xander’s voice was quiet, but anger throbbed in every syllable.

            “It, it, it’s just a revealing potion.  And an immobilizing potion, to, to keep you still so I could read the spell or whatever you’re under.  That’s all.  It wouldn’t _hurt_ you, and I don’t understand why it didn’t work.  I followed the directions, and combining the two was really simple, so I don’t... But it didn’t, and now you’re all mad, and I just wanted to _fix_ you... But now I can’t, and you probably won’t speak to me for ages... I just wanted things back the way they were!”  Willow’s lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears.

            Now his voice rose.  “I don’t believe you two.  Nothing is wrong with me!  I don’t need to be _fixed_.  And I fucking hate having magic used on me without warning.  What the hell kind of friends are you?”  He turned to the door that led outside, but Buffy was standing in his way.  “Move, damn it.”

            “No, not until you calm down.  We’re doing this for your own good, which you’d know if your head wasn’t all screwed up by Spike.  I swear, next time I see him, he’s dust.”

            He felt the hyena straining at his control, insistently clamoring _defend us, protect mate, want OUT_.  He crossed to the other door, the one leading into the shop, only to find it blocked by Willow.  “Willow, get out of the way.  I’m too angry to talk right now.”

            She shook her head, tears running down her face.  “If you leave, you’ll never speak to me again.  I know it.”

            “Cut the tears, Willow ... they haven’t worked in a long time.”  Her green eyes flickered, and he started to turn, cursing himself for not paying attention to Buffy.  The slayer grabbed him, pinning his arms to his sides, and his control snapped.  The hyena leaped into dominance, and he bellowed in anger.

*********

            Rupert’s head snapped up.  “Bloody hell, what was that?”

            Anya darted to the back of the store.  “Xander.”

            They yanked open the training room door and froze at the tableau before them.  Buffy was sprawled by the exit, with Willow bent over her.  Xander was balanced on the balls of his feet, his arms and hands in position to grapple, anger and power in every line of his body.  He turned his head at their arrival, and Giles gasped at the flashing green eyes.  _His eyes, good god, it’s still there_.  He stepped away from the door, pulling Anya with him.  He left a clear path between the exit and Xander.  He could smell the magic in the air.  _Willow_ _.  Stupid child_.  “Anya, don’t move, please.  Xander, you can leave now.  No one will stop you.  I didn’t know what they’d planned.  Neither of us did.  Do you believe me?”

            He got a jerky nod from the young man.  Buffy stirred, and Giles clearly heard a rumbling growl.  “Be still, both of you.”  He spoke calmly to Xander.  “It’s all right, I’ll get this straightened out.  You can either wait in the shop for me, or go on home.  I’ll call you later, if you like.”

            Willow took a step forward.  “No, Giles, you can’t let him go.  He attacked Buffy, and he, he, he’s not ... something’s wrong, we have to make it better.”

            Xander whipped his head around and snarled at her.  She sobbed and stepped back.

            “Home.  You call, not them.”  His voice was deep and rough.

            “Yes, of course.  I’m very sorry this happened.  Are you all right to drive?  Should I call anyone?”

            Blazing green eyes flickered to the windows.  He shook his head.  “Be okay.”  Xander took a deep breath and blinked.  His eyes were brown again, Giles saw.  “Just keep them away from me.”  He strode out of the room, and seconds later Giles heard the bell over the shop door jangle.  He turned to the young women, and felt his mouth compress into a thin line.

            “Buffy, Willow – explain yourselves.”

*********

            Angel took the mug of blood Spike offered him and raised it to his mouth without thinking.  His eyes opened wide at the first taste.  “He stocks human blood?”

            Spike snorted.  “Course he does.  Xan wouldn’t keep me on that shite the watcher offers.  Wants me healthy, he does.  ’S why he destroyed the chip, innit?”

            The older vampire drained the cup in one long chug and licked his lips.  Spike refilled it without a word.  “Yeah, about that – are you really all right?  You’re sure it’s gone?  And how did he do it?”

            “Just why do you want to know?  Weren’t all that concerned when Dru was so sick, were you?”

            Angel lowered his head.  “When you first came to Sunnydale, you were so cold, so focused.  I thought you were still under Darla’s rule.  I hadn’t seen you in a while, and I couldn’t take the chance that you’d hurt these people.”

            “A _while_?  It was a bleedin’ half-century and more, you ponce.  You didn’t even ask – just assumed I was here to kill the slayer.  Fuck!  Of course I was _focused_ ; was worried sick about Dru, wasn’t I?  And you couldn’t be arsed to help.  Just fought me at every turn.  Left me no choice, ya prick – how else was I supposed to act?  She was _dying_ , and you did nothing but get in my way.”

            “And I’ll be forever sorry for that.  How the hell I let myself get so caught up in a damn slayer, I’ll never understand.  My connection to Dru isn’t very strong anymore, but I have people hunting for her.  Once I find her, I’ll do whatever I can to help.”  He sighed.  “William, please.  I’ve been very worried about you.”

            Spike nodded.  “Apology accepted, Liam.  Right then, here’s what happened...”

*********

            Xander sat in his truck, hands clenched on the steering wheel.  The hyena was rumbling in his mind, pacing and growling.  The soldier offered up choice bits of profanity, and a diatribe on the lack of loyalty in his so-called friends.  “Stop it,” he whispered.  “Please stop, I can’t... This isn’t helping.  Oh god, I need Spike.”  He fumbled for the new cell phone, cursing when he saw the low battery signal.  He’d been in a hurry, and left the store before they could charge the battery. He glanced at the sky, realizing it was still too bright for the vampire to venture out into the anyway.

 _Okay, I just have to pull it together and get my sorry self home.  I can do this, no problem._   He started the truck, checked his mirrors, and pulled into the street.  He sped home, hoping he’d get there in one piece.

*********

            Angel leaned back, relaxed and enjoying Spike’s company.  “If you’re sure it’s love, that it isn’t his ... abilities influencing you, then I’m happy for you, William.”

            “Wanker.”  Spike’s tone was amused.  “You know even strong empaths like Xander don’t have a lasting impact on vampires.  Can only affect us for a short time.  Once we’re away from ’em, things get back to normal.”  Spike sobered.  “I’m sure, he’s the other half of me soul, Liam.  Felt it ages ago, just wasn’t sure how to approach him.  Then the Initiative happened, and... Well, it never got easier, did it?”  Spike smiled.  “Now we’ve cut through all that crap, and he’s mine.  Or will be, soon as makes no difference.”

            “It’s that serious?  You’ve never wanted to claim anyone before.  So he’s to be what – a consort?”

            “Want him as my mate, Liam.  Nothing less will do.”

            “And have you spoken to him about what’s involved?”

            “Not fully.  Will do, and soon.  He’s inexperienced in male loving.  Want to take my time, make it special for him, yeah?”

            Angel smiled.  “You always were the romantic of the Aurelius clan.  Glad to see that hasn’t changed.  You know I respect Xander.  It’ll be good to welcome him to the family.”

            Spike opened his mouth to reply and was interrupted by a knock on the door.  “Who the bloody ... oh, hell, of course.”  He opened the door and motioned Rayne inside.  “Forgot you were coming over, mate.  Xan should be back soon.”

            The mage raised an eyebrow.  “You forgot?  That seems unlike you.”

            “Yeah, it’s been a bit harried, what with—”

            “Angel.  Why are you here, and does Alexander know?”  Ethan’s voice was smooth and cold and his eyes were chips of anthracite.

            “Rayne.  I’m visiting Spike.  Xander let me in.”

            Spike looked from vampire to mage.  “What’s with the bad blood ’twixt you two?  Didn’t know you’d even met.”

            Ethan shrugged.  “We haven’t, but how else would you expect me to react to someone who tortured Rupert?  He and I may not see eye to eye any longer, but I still care about him.”

            “I paid for that, and everything else I did then, with three hundred years of solitary confinement.  I thought you’d accepted that, since you never carried out any of the threats you made when I returned.  Did I misunderstand?”

            “Well, if you put it that way, shall we bury the hatchet?”

            “As long as you don’t plan to bury it in me, sure.”  They offered each other polite smiles, and settled at the table.

            Suddenly, Spike shifted to his true face, sniffed the air, and bolted for the garage.  Angel and Ethan followed, sharing a look of concern.  They found Spike pulling Xander from his truck and the vampire was growling.

            “William, what is it?  Is he hurt?”  Ethan hurried to help.  Xander was shaking so hard he could barely stand.

            “No blood, but he smells... Damn, it’s never been this strong.  Come on, pet, let’s get you inside.  I’ll make some hot chocolate, we’ll sit down, and you can tell me all about it, yeah?”  He guided the human to the kitchen.

            As they passed, Angel could scent the misery, sorrow, and pure rage pouring off the boy.  He smelled feral and spooked, ready to either curl up in the dark away from everyone, or rip open the first person who bothered him.  There was something else, something dry, dusty and foreign to the boy.  “Get him settled.  I’ll start the chocolate.  Does he have anything to put in it besides marshmallows?”

            “Xan doesn’t drink the hard stuff.  Doesn’t even keep much beer in the house.  Cocoa will have to do.”  He tried to guide Xander to the table.  “Whatever it is, we’ll take care of it, yeah?  Need to calm down, luv, you smell ready to tear someone apart.  Can’t have that, you’d be upset after.”  Angel pulled a chair out, and Spike nodded his thanks.  “Here, sit down.”

            Xander shook his head and started brushing at his clothing and skin.  “Can still smell it.  Gotta get it off.  Get it off me, Spike.”  He rubbed harder at his flesh, reddening it.

            “Shh, it’s okay, we’ll take care of it.  C’mon, let’s get you to the shower.  Get you all clean and dressed in fresh clothes.  Angel will keep the chocolate warm, and we’ll talk after, okay?”

*********

            Angel busied himself at the stove, keeping his true face back by force of will.  Someone had hurt Xander.  Xander was Spike’s Pledged.  Someone had to pay.

            “Growling at the milk will not make it heat faster, Angel.”  Ethan bent to pick up a drift of ground herbs, rubbed them between thumb and forefinger, and sniffed.  “On the other hand, I’d join you if I could.  This has to be Willow’s doing.  That irresponsible chit.  I’ve stood aside as long as I can.  I shall have to speak to Rupert about this.”  He swept up the herbs and deposited them in the trash.

            “Will Giles listen to you?”  Angel raised a hand, palm out in a gesture of peace.  “I’m not being snide, I’m just asking.”

            The other man sighed.  “I’m not sure, but I must try.  If I hadn’t given Alexander the amulet, if he hadn’t worn it... Dear god, she simply has no idea the harm she could have done, the harm she _has_ done.  This cannot be allowed to happen again.”

            “Can you tell what that stuff was meant to do?”

            “Two of the herbs used are quite common.  One reveals, the other binds.  Used together they could have released his subconscious and bound the conscious part of him that controls it.  Thankfully, the spell itself hasn’t affected him, but the betrayal by those he considers his friends has obviously caused him enormous distress.”  He sighed.  “As to your question, without seeing her spell book or questioning her, I cannot ascertain precisely what she intended the potion to do.”

            Angel shook his head.  “That’s not likely to happen.  We’ll have to ask Xander when they come back.”  He turned the gas down to keep the cocoa from scorching.  “In the meantime, tell me why Xander smells like a wild animal?”

*********

            Spike got the shower in the master bath adjusted and turned to help Xander undress.  The boy’s eyes were flickering between brown and green, and he was still shaking.  The sounds coming from him alternated between words whispered so low even vamp hearing couldn’t pick them up, and a rumbling growl that was just audible.

            “C’mon, luv, get your kit off and hop in.  Whatever it is, we’ll get it washed off, yeah?”  He maneuvered Xander out of his clothes and into the shower, and then stripped and climbed in with him.  He grabbed the soap, lathered up his hands, and began to wash the warm, trembling body.

*********

            Angel scrubbed at his face.  “I knew about the possessions, although I didn’t realize the hyena was a Primal.  Spike just told me about Xander’s empathic abilities, but I never dreamed... The boy’s incredibly strong to have survived all that.”  He chuckled.  “No wonder I backed down at the hospital.  And thank god I never followed through on my idea to turn him.”

            “I take it you’re speaking of your brief sojourn here as Angelus?  I didn’t realize you had any dealings with him during that time.”

            “Buffy was very sick, and they’d left her alone at the hospital.  Xander decided to act as her guard, which was lucky for her.  He faced me down, Rayne – a seventeen-year-old boy stood there in the corridor and made me leave.  I was furious, but by the time I got to the mansion I was puzzled.  Couldn’t figure out why I left.  I thought he was just a kid, you know?  Now I understand that better.  He must have ... projected everything he was feeling.  His determination, protectiveness, anger, and hostility.  I was overwhelmed, I think.  Normally, empaths don’t have much impact on vampires, but he managed somehow.”

            “At that age, the strength of his abilities would have been peaking, and the situation was rather tense.  I imagine the circumstances amplified everything.  You weren’t at your most stable, either.  As for turning him, be very glad you didn’t.  An empath and a Primal combined with a vampire demon isn’t something I’d want to see.  Ever.”  He sighed.  “I suppose I should have a talk with William about that.  He seems quite close to Alexander.  I know what the natural progression could be, and don’t want any mistakes or misunderstandings.”

            “You don’t have to worry about that.  Spike has no plans to turn the boy.  As he put it, nothing less than a Mate claim will do.”

*********

            Xander knew he was home, knew Spike was bathing him, knew he was safe.  Still, the hyena paced and the soldier ranted – they wouldn’t stop, and he could feel himself splintering.  The only thing grounding him was the feel of Spike’s hands and the scent of Spike’s body.

 _Mine, mate, want_.  Spike’s scent got stronger as the hyena surged eagerly forward and the soldier, for once, had little to say.  Xander struggled to regain control as he felt his body responding to Spike’s touch.  _Want mate_.  The hyena whined and grumbled its discontent.

            “Shh, luv – you’re home now, it’s all right, Xan.”  Strong, slender hands turned him and began to wash his chest.

            “She, she, she said ... gonna s-stake you.”  Xander was gasping, trying to get the words out.  _Mine, protect, MINE_.

            Spike lifted his head and met Xander’s eyes.  “Never happen, don’t you fear.  More worried about you, Xan.  Gotta calm down, yeah?”

            Xander’s eyes locked on those perfect lips and he bit his own.  When Spike’s soapy fingers brushed over his nipple, he groaned and bent his head to capture his lover’s mouth.  As the taste of copper and something he couldn’t place exploded on his tongue, his control vanished.

            He pushed the vampire against the shower wall and let his hands roam over the pale body.  Spike moaned into his mouth, and Xander felt their erections rub together.  He whined.  It wasn’t enough, he needed more.

            He yanked his mouth away, gasped in a quick lungful of air, and dove back in.  He shoved his hips forward, trying to align their cocks and hold Spike steady at the same time.  A cool hand slid between their bodies.  He whimpered at the vampire’s touch.

            “Let me help.  Know what you need, yeah?  I need it too.  I’ll take care of you, pet.  Just let me... Yes, that’s it, move with me... You’re so bloody hot, luv.”  Spike held their rigid lengths together and began a steady thrusting, creating just the right amount of friction.  His other hand slipped around to curve over a quivering buttock.

            Xander joined in eagerly, snuffling and licking at Spike’s neck.  “Mine,” he growled, feeling his balls tighten and a tingle begin at the base of his spine.  “Mine,” he repeated.

            “Yours, luv, only yours.”  The vampire was panting for unneeded oxygen, his face shifting in and out of his demonic features.  “Fuck, Xan, feels so good.”  He slipped his hand further down, stroking between the cheeks of Xander’s ass.  “Come on, that’s it... Close, Sweetness, so close...”

            Xander uttered a yip, bit down hard on Spike’s shoulder, and spurted hot and wet over the vampire’s hand.  Spike followed with roar, his cooler essence flowing and mixing with Xander’s.

            Xander came back to himself slowly.  His damp skin was being caressed with a warm, fluffy towel.  He opened his eyes and found crystal blue gazing back at him.  “Hey, gorgeous.  Did we just blow the kissing-only thing outta the water?”

            Spike’s lips curved up.  “Well, we were in the water when it happened, but you could say that.  You back with me, now?”

            “Hmm?  Yeah, I’m... Oh god, did I... I bit you, didn’t I?  I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have... Couldn’t control myself.  So sorry – please don’t be mad.”

            “Now why would I be angry, Sweetness?  Vampire, neck, bite; it’s all good, yeah?”

            “God, Spike, I practically raped you.  Didn’t want... Well, yeah, I wanted... but not like... Fuck.”

            “You can’t rape the willing, Xan.  We both needed to connect on that basic level.  Besides, was bloody wonderful, wasn’t it?”

            “You, you didn’t mind?”

            Spike led him into the bedroom and pulled sweatpants and a tee shirt out for each of them.  “No chip, remember?  If I’d minded, if I hadn’t wanted it as much as you, I was perfectly capable of stopping you.  Quit agonizing, luv, you’ll ruin the afterglow.”  He dressed himself quickly and then handed a tee shirt to Xander.

            Xander shook his head, dressed, and pulled Spike into his arms.  “Love you, Blondie.”

            Strong arms curved around him.  “Love you, Xander.”

*********

            Anya listened to the choppy cadence and sharp tone of Rupert’s voice as he spoke to Buffy and Willow.  She couldn’t hear what he was saying, but she could tell he was angry.  _And so he should be.  What were they thinking?  What they did was an insult to both Xander and Spike._   She truly hoped Rupert wouldn’t go easy on them.

            He strode out of the training room, followed by two chastened-looking girls.  “I’ll drive you to the dorms in a moment.  When we get there, Willow, you will bring me your spell book.  Until we meet again tomorrow night, you will both refrain from calling, harassing, or even thinking hard about Xander and Spike.  Do you understand?”

            Buffy and Willow nodded, keeping their heads down.  Rupert made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat, picked up the phone, and dialed Xander’s house.

*********

            Ethan and Angel looked up at the noises coming from the bathroom.  “Well,” Angel said.  “I suppose that’s one way to calm Xander down.”

            Ethan chuckled.  “Indeed.  I’m sure William found it a less than dreary task.”  He tilted his head and curled his lip in a smirk.  “If they’re always this vocal, I may want to teach Alexander some sound-proofing spells.  After all, he does have neighbors within a ten-mile radius.”

            Angel grinned.  “That close, huh?  Yeah, might want to soundproof the whole damn house.  Spike never was one to keep it in the bedroom.”  He swiveled to the stove and turned the heat up on the chocolate.  “They’ll probably be joining us soon.”

            Ethan sobered.  “In that case, I should call Rupert now.”  As he reached for the phone, it rang.  Without thinking, he pressed the speaker function and answered.  “Harris residence.”

            “Did Xander get home?  Is he all right?”

            “Yes, he arrived.  No, he was not all right.  However, he will be soon enough.  If you’d like to wait a moment or two, I’m sure he’ll speak with you.”

            “Ethan?  What the devil are _you_ doing there?”

            “Hello to you, too, Rupert.”


	5. Chapter Four

            Willow looked over at Buffy.  “Ethan Rayne?  Oh no, if he’s at Xander’s... Maybe, maybe that’s what’s wrong.  And it would explain why the potion didn’t work, because he’s a Chaos mage, and much stronger and more experienced than me, and oh my god, Xander’s under his control.  This is worse than Spike thralling Xander.  Rayne could make him do anything.  Xander can’t fight someone like him, he doesn’t have the strength or the knowledge... No, not my Xander.”  She jumped up and grabbed the phone from Giles.  “You leave my Xander alone, you hear me?”

            “Willow!  Sit down!”  Giles took the receiver from her and pointed to a chair.  She opened her mouth and then shut it when he turned frosty gray eyes on her.  “Not ... one ... word.  Sit.”  Once she was seated, he returned his attention to the phone.  “Ethan, you haven’t answered my question.”

            “Haven’t had a chance, have I?  I’m here as Alexander’s friend and mentor.  I mean him no harm, and certainly do _not_ have him under some sort of spell.”

            Giles pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.  “His mentor.  And I should believe you why?”

            “Whatever else you may think me capable of Rupert, I’ve never lied to you.”

*********

            Xander and Spike entered the kitchen in time to hear most of Ethan’s conversation with Rupert.  Xander sighed and reached for the phone.  “Let me talk to him, Teach.  Please.”

            Rayne spun away from the phone and walked into the living room, his shoulders stiff.  Xander frowned and turned off the speaker.  “Giles, think what you like about me, but don’t insult my friends.  Ethan’s here because I trust him.”

            “My apologies, Xander.  I was surprised to hear his voice.  And, I admit, a bit concerned.  I didn’t realize the two of you were, ah, acquainted.  However, as you trust him, I’ll do my best to remain civil.”

            “Thanks, G-man, um, sorry, Giles.  Did you find out what they were doing?  And why?”

            “Yes, but I’d much rather speak with you about this in person.  If you’re willing, that is.”

            “Yeah, sure.”  He gave Giles directions to his house.  “Just you, Giles.  Buffy and Willow need to stay away from me for a while.”

            “Yes, of course, I wouldn’t dream of bringing them by at this time.  Are you sure you’re up to going over this right now?”

            “Don’t wanna wait – let’s get it over with.”

            “Very well.  I have to take the girls to the dorm.  I’ll head your way as soon as I’ve dropped them off.”

            Xander glanced at the clock.  Five-thirty.  “How does Chinese sound?”

            “You needn’t feed me, Xander.”

            He sighed.  “Maybe not, but we’re gonna eat, and I may be a lot of things, but rude to a guest isn’t one of them.”

            “No, of course not.  I apologize.  Chinese will be fine.  I’ll see you in roughly thirty minutes.  Goodbye.”

            Xander set the phone down and collapsed onto the nearest chair.  He looked up when a mug of hot chocolate was placed in front of him, and blinked.  “Angel?  Uh, thanks.  Forgot you were here.  Sorry.”

            The tall vampire smiled.  “It’s been that kind of afternoon.”

            Spike settled in next to Xander, and Ethan and Angel took chairs across from him.  “Pet, are you sure you’re up to this tonight?  You were more Primal than Xander when you got home.”

            “Yeah, I know.  Like I said, though, I’d rather deal with this now.  Don’t want it hanging over me when I try to sleep.”  He took a sip of the chocolate and sighed.  “God, I’m tired.”

            Spike twined his fingers with Xander’s.  “We might want to talk a bit before Rupes gets here.”  He dropped a quick kiss to sun-browned knuckles.  “Need to know what you’re comfortable telling him, pet.”

            Xander shrugged.  “Anything.  Everything.  I’m done hiding myself from them.  I think it’s time my friends got to know the real me.”

            “What about me, luv?  You don’t have to tell the watcher right now.  Might be best to deal with what’s in front of us, yeah?”

            “Giles is going to hear a lot of things tonight he won’t like.  He’ll probably go all Ripper on us.”  Xander dropped his gaze to his cup.  “I’d like your support, Spike and I don’t want to face this alone.  If, if you really don’t want him to know, I’ll keep quiet.  But I want to tell him.  Get it all out now.  If he doesn’t like it, he can leave.  If he wants to hurt you, he’ll have to go through me.”  He looked up at Angel.  “Don’t know how much you know about Spike and I, or what you think, but the same goes for you.”

            Angel’s mouth lifted in a wry smile.  “I know he loves you and wants to claim you, and the only thing I have to ask is – do you love him?”

            Xander gazed at the dark vampire and then glanced at Spike.  The blonde’s eyes were directed at the tabletop, and Xander thought he looked uncertain.  No way he would leave Spike in limbo.  _Fuck it, let’s lay down all the damn cards_.

            “I’ve wanted him for a long time, Angel.  Even when I didn’t trust him.  Now I can’t believe how right and essential he is to me.  Yes, I love him.”  Xander kept his gaze steady on Angel.

            “In that case, welcome to the family.”

            Xander covered Spike’s hand with his, but before he could speak, he heard the doorbell ring.

            “This place is as busy as a bank on payday,” Spike muttered.

            Ethan crossed to the door and opened it.  “Xander, there’s a young lady here who—”

            Spike groaned.  “Tara – I forgot to tell ya she called and was on her way over.”

*********

            Tara sat in a chair, all but disappearing into the deep cushions.  Spike paced behind the couch.  His eyes glowed golden and he was quietly growling.  Ethan and Angel had returned in the kitchen.

            Xander alternated between wanting to join Spike in expressing his anger, sorrow for Tara’s pain, and frustration that Willow and Buffy thought so little of him that they wouldn’t believe him when he’d said nothing was wrong.  They just assumed he was in trouble, and that they had to get him out of it.  He sighed.  _First, deal with what’s in front of me_.  “Spike, please.  Stop with the Animal Planet soundtrack, okay?  Not helping.”

            The vampire joined him on the couch.  “Sorry, I’m just angry for you, yeah?”

            Xander cupped the back of Spike’s neck with his hand.  “I know, but we have to keep our heads if we wanna get through this.”  He looked over at the quiet witch.  “Tara?  Honey, what do you need me to do for you?”

            Startled gray eyes met his.  “Do?  F-for me?  I... Xander, I don’t need... I wanted to w-warn you.  B-but I was too late.”

            He nodded.  “I know honey, but I still appreciate it.  You made a tough choice, and I respect that.  Do you need any of your things from the dorm?  An escort to pick stuff up, or transportation to classes?  I could let you use the SUV.  I’ve got the Harley if I need to get anywhere.”

            “N-no, I don’t need... I j-just... I don’t understand.  She’s so... When we met she was so sweet, and now she... It’s like magic is the answer to everything for her, b-but it doesn’t work like that.  What happened to her?”

            He dropped to his knees in front of her, and pulled her into his arms.  She rested her head on his shoulder, and he felt her tears wet his shirt.  “I don’t know, sweetie, but we’ll take care of you, okay?  Right now, you need time, and I can give you that.  You stay here as long as you need, okay?  We’ll figure it out.  You have my word, Tara.”

            Spike came over and rested a hand briefly on her shoulder.  “Mine, too, Glinda.”  He caressed Xander’s hair and then walked toward the kitchen.  “Gonna start some tea, pet.  Then I’ll get a room ready for her.  You two just relax, yeah?”

            After three cups of tea and half a box of tissues, they’d finally gotten Tara calmed and settled for a nap in the second guest room.  Spike and Xander were once again on the couch, Spike tucked into the corner with Xander’s back resting against his chest, head settled on his shoulder, and Xander’s warm hands covering the cool ones around Xander’s waist.

            “We have to deal with this, Xan.  Can’t let the witch and the slayer think they can get away with this shite.”

            Xander rubbed his head against Spike’s shoulder.  “Deal with this, take care of the new players in town, get my passengers settled – which one first?”

*********

            Giles sat in his car outside the dorms, reading the spell Willow had reluctantly provided him.  “This is an immobilizing spell, but what...”  He flipped back a page, trying to understand the changes she’d made to the two spells, both of which were simple in origin.  “And a revealing spell – but she added ironwood to both potions, to strengthen them.”  He sighed.  “Foolish girl.  She turned the immobilizing potion into a geas; had it worked, she could have compelled Xander to do anything she asked.  She doesn’t realize what damage she might have done.”

            He placed the book on the seat beside him, checked his mirrors, and pulled out of the parking lot.  “Well, I suppose there’s nothing to do but take this to Xander and talk it over with him.  He’s going to be upset, and rightly so.”

*********

            Angel followed Ethan into the living room.  The mage sat across from Xander and Spike.  “I’m sorry to interrupt, Alexander, but before Rupert gets here, what can you tell us about what happened?”

            Angel saw the sudden tension in Xander’s shoulders.  “Why not wait?  Then he only has to tell the story once.”

            Rayne kept his gaze on Xander.  “I know that would be easier, but I believe it’s important to hear what occurred from your point of view, without the filtering or interference that may result from Rupert’s presence.”

            Xander sighed.  “You’re right, Teach.  Problem is I don’t remember much.  I walked into the training room, Buffy dumped some herbs or something over my head, and I knocked her down.  Willow said sh-she wanted to fix me, that something was wrong with me.”  He bit his lip.  “I tried to just leave, I did, but Buffy grabbed me and ... and that’s all I remember.  I don’t know how I got home.  I mean I know I drove, but it’s all a blank between Buffy pinning my arms to my side and Spike pulling me from the truck.”

            Ethan frowned.  “Did Willow say anything about the potion?”

            “Um, yeah, she said she combined a revealing potion with an immobilizing potion.  S-so I’d stay put while she figured out what kind of spell I was under.”

            Ethan’s mouth was set in a thin line, and Spike was emitting a constant, quiet growl.  Angel placed a hand on Spike’s shoulder.  “Hush, William, he’s all right.  And we’ll nae allow any more harm t’come t’him this night.”

            Xander twisted to look at Spike.  “He’s right, I’m okay, Blondie.”

            Spike frowned.  “Physically, yeah.  But I know your heart’s hurtin’ from what your friends did.  Don’t try to fool me on that.”

            Xander opened his mouth to reply, but his eyes lost focus and he slumped sideways.

            Spike caught him before he fell out of the chair.  “Xan?  What’s wrong?  Wake up, please.”  He patted Xander’s cheek gently, holding him close with his other arm.  “Sweetness, you’re scarin’ the Big Bad.  C’mon, wakey wakey.”

            Xander’s eyes opened, and the other men gasped.  They were light hazel, completely unlike Xander’s rich, brown shade.  Spike growled, low in his chest, and Angel rumbled with him.  Ethan leaned forward, his eyes intent on Xander.

            “Who are you?  I’ve met the soldier and the hyena.  You’re neither.”

            The voice that answered him was Xander’s, and not.  It was a young voice, trembling on the verge of adulthood, higher-pitched than Xander’s adolescent voice had been.

            “I’m a friend.  You need to know, there’s gonna be a whole lotta fallout from this mess.”

            Spike snarled again, and hazel eyes turned to him.  “Growlin’ cuts no ice with me, buddy.  I know how you feel about the Xanman –you just gotta settle down and help him.  He’s gonna need all of you to get him through this shit.”

            Ethan sighed.  “Of course we’ll help him, but what... Please, who are you and why are you and the Primal so much in the foreground, now?  And what of the soldier?”

            “The slayer and the witch got him so pissed he didn’t know what to do.  He was afraid he’d hurt ’em – he couldn’t face that, so he withdrew.  Problem is he fell so far back in his mind he almost disappeared.  Hyena was rarin’ to go, and slammed herself into center stage.  As for soldier boy... Let’s just say he didn’t object.  I kinda stayed back.  I figured Xan had too many up front as it was.  Stayed close enough to keep an eye on the others and made sure Xander got home safe.  Soldier drove.  By then Hyena was just pacin’ around, grumbling and growling.”

            Spike held Xander tighter.  “Don’t like this, you’re not my Xan.”

            “Nah, I’m not.  But listen, dude, I’m a part of him.  All three of us have a role in keepin’ Xander safe and sane.  We take control only when we have to.   Not like we had a choice.  He was too angry to take care of things on his own.”

            “So, Xander has a split personality?”  Angel shook his head.  “He seems too balanced for that.  He doesn’t have blackouts, or go around passing out.  The others would have noticed.”

            Ethan sighed.  “He used to.  It hasn’t happened in quite some time.  Oh, not the fainting.  You’re quite right, even they would have noticed that.  But blackouts were rather frequent from the time he was sixteen until a year ago.”  He scowled.  “Whenever things became too frightening or too dangerous for him to deal with, one of the others would take over.  I doubt anyone not looking for it would even notice.  The changing of his eye color is, however, a new development.”

            “Too dangerous?  You’re talking ’bout when he’s on patrol, yeah?”  Spike stroked Xander’s hair.

            Not-Xander answered him.  “Yeah, among other things.  Sometimes Soldier would take over, using those fancy moves of his.  Sometimes Hyena would step in and give him an edge with better senses, more speed, and stuff like that.”

            Angel frowned.  “What about you?”

            “Me?  I’m the voice of reason.  And if you knew how weird that is, you’d laugh.  Right now, you guys just need to help him.  It’s gonna take some work to get things squared away again.  And you need to understand that we’re all here, all the time.  Not going anywhere, not anymore.  He wouldn’t let us before, and now we don’t want to leave.  We respect him, like him, and want to help him.”  He frowned.  “Might be a good idea to keep me under your hats for now.  Even though I’ve been here the longest, he doesn’t really know about me and I’m not sure how he’ll handle that information.  Let him get this crap with the watcher guy settled and give him some comfort food.  A good night’s sleep would help, too.  We’ll talk again, sometime.  Bye now.”

            Xander slumped into Spike’s embrace.  Spike looked at Ethan.  “Right then – what the fuck was all that about?”

            Ethan opened his mouth to answer, and the doorbell rang.  Spike sighed.  “Someone answer that.  It’s either food or the watcher.  If it’s food, the money’s on the stand by the door.  And give the guy a good tip.”

            Ethan left the kitchen and Angel began to set the table.  Xander stirred, yawned, and rubbed his eyes.  “Spike?  Sorry, didn’t mean to... Did I miss anything?”  Befuddled and blinking slowly, he looked like a small child waking from a nap.

            “Not to worry, luv, you nodded off for a bit, but I’d say you had a right.  You’re awake now, that’s all that matters.  We’ll eat, talk, and then relax for the rest of the night, yeah?”

            Ethan returned with food and Giles, who stared with narrowed gray eyes at the two vampires.  “Why are you still here, Spike?  I thought you’d be gone now that you’re healed.  And why is Angel here at all?”

            Xander sat up straighter and met the watcher’s eyes.  “Spike’s here because he lives here, and Angel came to make sure Spike is all right.  Any other inappropriate questions?”

            “Questions, no.  However, while I don’t approve of the method employed by Buffy and Willow, I’m beginning to think their theory may have some merit.  What are you thinking, having two master vampires and a Chaos mage here?”

            Xander’s eyes narrowed.  “I’m thinking my home is warded better than your place, Giles.  I’m thinking Angel has a soul, Ethan is my teacher, and Spike is my lover.  And I’m thinking it’s none of your fucking business who I invite into my home.”  He took a deep breath.  “If you’re here to share information that may be helpful, fine.  If you’re here to belittle my choices in friends, to put me down for loving Spike, or to go off on some rant or other because I don’t happen to share your views on everything, you can turn your ass around and leave.  I’ll manage.  I always do.”

            The watcher’s eyes darkened to nearly black, and Angel felt the gathering of mystical energy.  When Giles spoke, his voice was deeper than usual.  “I’m not one of your little chums.  You’ll show me some respect or I’ll know the reason why.”

            Xander stood and faced Giles, his posture reminding Angel of their showdown at the hospital.  Angel watched Spike take up a position directly beside the mortal, his eyes golden.  _Oh shit, this isn’t good_.

            Xander narrowed his eyes.  “Respect?  Why would I respect a man who’s been less than honest with me from day one?  Who thinks I’m just the clown of the group?  Who doesn’t hear me unless what I’m saying annoys him?”  He stalked closer, his body moving with unexpected grace.  “Why didn’t you tell us the truth about vampires, Giles?  How they’re made, what they’re like?  Why didn’t you ever mention the fact that most of them retain their souls?”

            The magic dissipated and Rupert stood perfectly still, only his eyes moving to follow the young man.  “Wh-what are you talking about?”

            Xander tilted his head.  “For that matter, why didn’t you tell us that your reports to the Council were so comprehensive?  I’m sure Willow, Tara, and Oz would be more than interested to hear that they’ve been immortalized in the Council’s records.”

            “I don’t understand.  What... How...”

            “Stunned that I know words of more than one syllable?  Let me make it simpler, then.”  He paused, sniffing lightly.  “Why have you lied to us?”

            Ethan stepped forward.  “Alexander, please calm down.  This isn’t what we need to discuss.”

            “I don’t need your help, Ethan.  Kindly stay away from me.”  Rupert’s voice snapped back to icy disdain.

            Xander frowned and his head lifted as if scenting the air.  _Probably is_ , Angel thought.  _But for what?_

            “You gold-plated son of a bitch.”  A deep rumble turned Xander’s words into a growl.  “All this time, warning us about Ethan.  All this time, painting him as evil, vindictive, and unworthy of trust.  All this time, making our decisions for us by giving us only the information you wanted us to have.”  He drew back from the watcher.  “My family may be pathetic, my father may have beat me, and my mother may have ignored me, but even they weren’t this low.”

            “Alexander, don’t.”  Rayne’s voice was choked.

            “Were you ever going to tell us the truth about _anything_?  Like the fact that you and Ethan are brothers?”

*********

            “You... I never... How could you know?”

            Spike listened as the watcher stuttered, but kept his gaze on Xander.

            “I can see it, it’s in your eyes and your heart.  I can smell it on you.”  Xander stepped back, and his shoulders drooped.  “All these years, all the lies – why?”

            “I, I did it to protect you, and to best serve my slayer.  You were all so young, so innocent, so ... so eager.  I didn’t mean any harm.”

            Xander stared at him.  “I could have – if you’d just told us – I staked my best friend because you... Oh, god.”  Tears formed in chocolate eyes.

            “I’m not sure what... I didn’t lie about... It was simply that indecision could have gotten you killed.  I had to, to make things black and white, clear cut – even after knowing you such a short time, I couldn’t bear the thought of any of you dying.”

            No one moved or spoke.  Spike was aware of the others in a small corner of his mind, but the bulk of his attention was fixed unwaveringly on his Xander.  A swirl of scents surrounded his Pledged, matching the emotions he felt pouring from the mortal, anger, sorrow, betrayal and the beginnings of absolution.  Woven through it all was an overriding thread of love and loyalty, Xander’s trademark.  Spike smelled his confusion as well, and wondered how the man withstood the maelstrom of his feelings.  _How can he hold all that within himself and not go insane?  All his life, swamped by the emotions of those around him, bottling it up inside himself, and yet he remains sweet, loving, and full of laughter.  How does he do it?_   Before he had time to ponder further, the dam broke.

            Fists clenched, muscles rigid, and brown eyes stormy, Xander raised his head and screamed.  The others winced at the raw agony in the sound and at the wild mix of emotions that washed through them.  Tara ran in from her room, eyes wide and frightened.  Xander swayed and his knees buckled.  Even as he started to collapse, Spike was there.  He caught and held his precious burden, murmuring soothing words and stroking silken hair.

            Hands touched his shoulder and he looked up to see Ethan beside him.  “Come, William, put him on the couch.”  The mage turned dark eyes to his brother.  “And then, Rupert, you and I need to talk.”

*********

            Once the mortal and the vampire were settled on the couch, Ethan turned to Rupert.  “Do you have any idea what you’ve done today?  What those two irresponsible girls have done?  What’s been done, over and over, for the past six years?”

            “Ethan, I—”

            “No, of course you don’t.  You don’t because all you can see is your slayer.  I understand that – you are, after all’s said and sifted, a watcher.  Watchers put their slayers above everyone else.”

            “I’m no longer a member of the Council, as you well know.”

            “Oh yes, draw that cloak of righteous indignation a bit closer around you, Rupert, it matters little.  In your heart, in your mind and at your core, you think like one and you act like one – paid or not, you’re a watcher.”

            “If it walks like a duck,” Spike’s words were quiet.

            Ethan nodded.  “Indeed.  As a watcher, you’ve little brief for the satellites who gravitate around the sun of your slayer.”

            “That’s not true, Ethan.  I, I care for all of them.”

            “Hmm, and this is how you show it?  You come into Alexander’s home, _at his invitation_ , and verbally attack him.  Yes, I see how deeply you care.”

            “I was concerned!  He doesn’t know what he’s getting into.”

            Ethan tipped his head in curiosity.  “Do you truly have so little regard for his intelligence and his feelings that you would dismiss both out of hand?”

            Giles snorted.  “Perhaps you are unaware of his involvements of the past, Ethan.  He hasn’t always shown the best judgment.”

            “I not only know his history, I know the whys of it.  Which you are about to learn.”  He stood and looked down at Rupert.  “You will sit in that chair, and you will listen.”  Giles opened his mouth and Ethan pointed a long finger at him.  “You will sit, you will shut your bloody gob, and you will fucking well listen to me.  Willingly or not.  Do I make myself clear?”  Rupert glared at him, but nodded.  “Good.  Now then, let me tell you about the Alexander I know.”

            Ethan paced around the living room while he told his brother about the soldier, the hyena, and Xander’s empathic abilities.  He talked about Xander’s childhood, his feelings of inferiority, the training he’d put Xander through and how well the young man had done.  “Every time you or one of your group told him to stand back, every time you belittled him or ignored him, every time you pushed him aside, you diminished him.  When Buffy and Willow started college they left him behind, and you couldn’t be bothered to see the hurt he carried inside.”

            Ethan returned to his seat.  “You don’t see anything but your slayer, and you don’t even see her clearly.  She and the witch have been out of control for years, Rupert.  It’s time you either step aside and leave them to hang on their own, or stiffen your spine and rein them in.  The choice is yours.”  He held up a hand.  “Be advised, however, that I’ll not allow them or you to harm Alexander again.”

            Spike and Angel growled their agreement.  Xander whimpered, and Spike’s arms tightened about the mortal.  He nuzzled into the dark hair and the growl changed to a soothing rumble.  “Shh, pet.  ’S all right, I’ve got you.  Won’t let you go, Sweetness.”  Crystal blue eyes flecked with gold turned to Giles.  “You lot have taken his love and loyalty for granted too long, always thinkin’ he’ll forgive ’n forget.  He might forgive ya, I doubt he’ll forget anything that’s happened.”  His lip lifted in a snarl.  “Know this, Watcher, I don’t grant pardon near as easy as Xan, and vampires have long memories.”

            Giles raised an eyebrow.  “Is that a threat from the... What was it Buffy called you?  Ah yes, the Biteless Wonder.  Should I be worried?”

            Before the smirk was fully formed on his face, Giles was snatched out of his chair by Angel.  “If William chooses to spare ye because of his feelings for yon boy, ye’ve still me t’deal with, foolish man.  Take care ye don’t offend me ‘n mine more than ye have a’ready.”

            He stared at the demon.  “Angelus?  When did... How...”

            Angel tilted his head and regarded the man with glowing eyes.  He turned to the mage, his features shifting back to human.  “Ethan, is it possible he knows nothing of the truth about vampires?  I scent only confusion on him.”

            Rayne sighed.  “Unfortunately, yes.  I didn’t know until tonight, and while the Council might be aware of the truth, they aren’t known for being generous with the information they deign to give their watchers.”

            Giles was dropped back into his chair and Angel returned to his seat by the couch.  “Listen to your brother, Giles.  Maybe by the time he’s done explaining things, Xander will be awake and we can fix this mess you’ve helped create.”  Spike’s rumble deepened.  “Peace, William.  If the watcher cannae bring himself and his charges to see reason, you and yours can make your home with me.”  He smiled at the two on the couch.  “Cordelia misses him, you know.  She’d welcome you both with open arms.”  He chuckled at Spike’s raised brow.  “Aye, she knows how things are ’tween us.  Why else d’ye think she gave me leave t’come here?”

            “Cheerleader runs the show, does she?”

            “Well, we mere males let her think so.  Saves wear and tear on our nerves.”

            “Too right, she’s got a razor for a tongue, yeah?  Xan’s told me about her.  Considers her a good friend.”

            “And she him.  They email each other every week, and talk at least once a month.  She holds him in high regard, although I doubt she’d admit it unless circumstances were dire.  I meant it, you’d both be welcome, anytime.”

            “He won’t leave them, you know.  Not unless they give him no choice.  Xan’s loyal to those he calls friends.”

            “I know that.  Still, should you need a place to regroup, you’ve got one with us.”

            Spike nodded, then turned to Ethan.  “Shouldn’t he be waking?”

            Rayne spread his hands.  “He released an enormous amount of pent up emotions.  Given the confrontation with his friends earlier, he’s bound to be exhausted.  Give him a bit longer, William.  In the meantime, Rupert, let me educate you about a vampire’s real nature.”  He gave a quick summary of vampires and their society, leaned back in his seat, and waited, his eyes on his brother.

*********

            Rupert looked on as Spike ran trembling fingers through Xander’s hair and murmured softly to him.  He twitched when Tara touched his arm.

            “Shall I tell you what I see when I look at them together like this?  Their auras, I mean.  They’re beautiful.”

            Giles smiled at her.  “I quite forgot that you read auras, my dear.  Please, I’d like to know what you see.  You’ll have to explain it to me, however; I’ve never studied that particular art.”

            “It isn’t difficult.  It’s just another way of looking.”  She studied the mortal and vampire for a moment.  “They each have two primary colors, and they share a third color.  Spike is predominantly sapphire and ruby red.  Red means passion, and stands as well for grounding, trustworthiness and belonging. Blue is also indicative of being trustworthy, but also stands for speech, hearing and spiritual communication.

            “Xander’s main colors are vibrant green and the browns of the earth.  Green means harmony, and is the color of the heart chakra.  The heart chakra bridges the gap between the physical and spiritual realms.  Brown shows he’s reliable, stable, and easily approached.”

            “And what color do they share?”

            “Golden yellow.  Yellow means optimism, happiness and enlightenment.  It’s the chakra for vitality and will.  As it’s showing as golden, I believe those characteristics are stronger than normal.”  She smiled shyly.  “As amazing as their auras are separately, the way their colors reach for each other and blend into this wonderful whole is, is – I don’t know how to describe it.”

            “I wish I could see it.  It sounds breathtaking.”

            She nodded.  “It is.”  She yawned and blushed.  “I’m sorry, but it’s been a r-rough day.  If you’re all sure Xander will be all right, I think I’ll go back to bed.”

            Ethan patted her shoulder.  “Alexander will be fine, Miss MacClay.  Take some food with you and then get some rest; things always look better after a meal and a good night’s sleep.”

            Tara drifted over to drop a light kiss on Xander’s forehead and another on Spike’s cheek.  “Blessed be,” she murmured, and quietly left the room.

            Giles took off his glasses, scrubbed his face with one hand and turned to Ethan.  “Everything you’ve told me – it’s true, isn’t it?  Most vampires retain their souls, Spike and Xander are in love and Xander’s an empath.”  Ethan nodded and Rupert groaned.  “And if those things are true, then so is the rest.”  He looked over at the sleeping man and sighed.  “Oh my dear boy, what have I done?  Anya tried to make me see, and I thought I did, but at the first obstacle, I let you down.  How will I make this up to you?  Can it even be done?”

            Ethan snorted.  “Of course it can.  Quit being a melodramatic twit.  In case you haven’t figured it out, Xander loves you – all of you.”  He leaned forward.  “Be honest with him in your apologies and open your heart to him.  He’s a wonderful young man, Rupert, he’ll enrich your days if you just let him in.  And that’s all he really wants.  To be seen for who he is, and allowed to share your life.”

            Giles polished his glasses, settled them on his nose and grasped Ethan’s wrist.  “And what of you?  What do you want from me?”

            Ethan shrugged.  “What I’ve always wanted.  I want my brother back.”

            “You’re still a chaos mage and you know I don’t approve of dark magic.”

            “It’s only dark if that’s how you use it, Giles.”  Xander’s hoarse voice got everyone’s attention.  “Magic is neutral.  It’s people who shape it for bad or good.  Thought you were smart enough to know that.”  He turned brown eyes to Spike and smiled.  “Hey, beautiful.  Why so worried?”

            “You’ve been out of it nearly two hours, luv.  Was afraid the witch’s potion had done something to you.”  He pulled Xander up until he was sitting sideways in Spike’s lap.  “Scared me, Sweetness.  I can’t lose you.  I just found you.”

            “Not gonna lose me, I promise.”  He rubbed his cheek against the blonde’s hair.  “I’ll still be around years from now, making bad jokes and teasing you about your hair dye.”

            Giles cleared his throat and shifted in his seat.  “Xander, I, I owe you so many apologies I hardly know where to start.  I didn’t know... Well, I won’t try to blame my behavior on lack of knowledge.  Even without understanding things as I do now, I should have trusted you, and I should have opened my eyes years ago to the way we’ve all behaved toward you.”  He looked down at his hands and then back up to the man in front of him.  “Can you find it in yourself to give me another chance?  I’d like to be someone you can proudly call a friend.”

            Brown eyes fixed on him, and Giles fought to meet those eyes without wavering.  He felt he was being measured, and hoped he wouldn’t be found wanting.  And then Xander gave him a shy smile that warmed Rupert’s heart.  “I’d like that, no one has enough friends.”

            Ethan gestured to the kitchen.  “Dinner was delivered some time ago, but even cold it would taste good right now.  Shall we?”

            Xander grinned and stood.  “Teach, don’t you know that the primary function of a microwave is to reheat dinner?”

            Spike slid his arm around the mortal.  “Warm’s blood a treat, too, pet.”

            The mage chuckled.  “Thus we reduce the wonders of technology to such mundane activities.”

            Angel and Spike began a good-natured argument about heating blood on a stove versus in the microwave.  Rupert lagged behind, waiting for the others to sit down before approaching the table.  Xander looked up and waved him over.  “Come on, Giles, before these bozos eat everything.”

            “Xander, I wonder if you... That is, I wouldn’t mind if... Do you think you could call me G-man?”

*********

            Dinner was over and Ethan and Giles had left together.  Tara was in her room, presumably asleep.  Spike was seated on the couch, his legs stretched out and comfortably propped on a footstool.  Xander was dozing, warm and quiet in his arms.  Angel leaned back in a chair, sharing the footstool with Spike, and studied the picture the two of them made.

            “You look good together.  You _are_ good together.  You’ve chosen well, William.”

            Slender fingers combed through the dark hair.  “Thank you for coming here to check on me.  And for your support tonight.  Means a lot, yeah?”

            “Should’ve been there for you all along, I just couldn’t get my head straight enough to see what was important.”

            “Pfft.  Was the curse, any of us would be at sixes and sevens having our demon buried like that.  The chip ‘bout drove me round the bend, and it didn’t divide me like you were.”

            Angel frowned.  “I meant to ask – if a simple spell was all it took, why didn’t Willow or Giles do it?  I had Wesley looking into it, and he never found a spell that would work.  He says technology and magic are an uneasy mix.”

            “Didn’t say it was a _simple_ spell, did I?  Xan wrote it special.  Took him and the chaos mage three months to get it just right.  Said he reduced the bloody thing to its original components.  Didn’t think just shutting it down was the way to go.”

            “He _wrote_ it?  At least that explains why no one else could find anything.  Although I would’ve thought Giles—”

            “Doubt the watcher was trying all that hard, mate.  And your Wesley’s not as advanced in magic as Giles or Ethan are, is he?”

            “No, he isn’t.  You know, I don’t think I’ve ever known a magician who wrote their own spells.  I thought they relied on existing ones, and just changed them a bit.”

            “Xan thinks differently than most.  Always has.  Put an obstacle in front of him, and he’ll find a way around, under, over or just plain through it.”

            “He’s persistent, that’s true.”

            Spike snorted.  “Stubborn as a bloody ox.  Never gives up.  Gotta love that, yeah?”

            “Yeah.”  That was one thing Angel knew without a doubt; Xander's loyalty was never-ending.  He'd seen it over and over.  “Cordy told me something about Xander you’ll enjoy hearing.  Their senior year of high school, her folks lost all their money.  Cordy was working at a dress shop, trying to save enough money to buy a prom dress.  Xander found out somehow.  She said she expected him to tell everyone, or at least make fun of her.  But, as she put it ‘even after I dumped him, treated him like last year's fashions, he still considered me his friend.  He bought my prom dress.  When I moved to Los Angeles, Xander started calling me once a week; just to make sure I was all right.’  He’s a rare man, William.  He never gives up on a friend.”   Angel stretched and stood.  “It’s too late to head back home.  Is it all right if I sleep on the couch?”

            “Sod the couch, take my room.  ‘M not letting this one outta my sight or my arms tonight.”  Spike stood, easily holding the mortal, and nodded for Angel to follow.  “Come on, you can turn down the covers for us before you toddle off to bed.”

*********

            Xander woke to the feel of cool arms wrapped around him, and a cool chest under his head.  He sighed and snuggled closer.  “I keep fading out on you.  Sorry.”

            “Not a problem, you’ve had a lot to handle today.  How ya feelin’ now?”

            “Still wiped out, but not ready to sleep again.  Did everyone make it home okay?”

            “Watcher and the mage left shortly after you fell asleep on the couch, Tara’s in the spare room and Angel’s dossin’ down in my room.”

            Xander lifted his head and gazed into blue eyes.  “That mean you’re staying here?”

            “Long as you don’t mind, luv.”

            He shook his head and settled it onto Spike’s shoulder.  “Don’t mind, want you here.”  He yawned.  “I’m sorry if I’m keeping you up.  You must be tired.”

            “Nah, this is my active time.  ’Sides, after the healing sleep, I’ll be wide awake for a bit longer.  You want to see what’s on the telly?”

            “Not really.  Could we talk?  So much has happened, and I don’t really get most of it.  I heard Giles say he understood things better now, like why I’m such a demon magnet, but no one explained it to me.  Ethan said he didn’t know, but figured it had something to do with my ability.”

            “He’s right about that.  Good demons might be uneasy around you, since you can tell they’re not human, even if they look like Joe Normal.  The bad ones – well, empaths _see_ , don’t they?  They see what’s inside, good or ill, and evil doesn’t want to be seen.  It can sense you, just as restless spirits sense you.  The difference is a spirit wants to take up residence.  Evil wants to destroy the one who sees it.  It’s instinctive and strong, that desire to keep their deeper aspects hidden.  Much like serial killers play the quiet neighbor card.”

            Xander frowned.  “I sorta get it.  But, what about you and Deadboy?  You don’t seem to mind, and he never paid attention to me when he became Angelus.”

            “I’m not your average demon, am I?  The poof saw you, all right.  Both Angelus and Angel marked you as worthy of watching, each in their own way.”

            “Huh?”

            “Angelus put out a ‘hands off’ notice on you.  ’S partly why you got through that mess alive.  No demon in this town dared touch you.  I think he had plans for you, but he was on a proper tear after being imprisoned for so long, and never managed to follow through.”

            “Plans?  He was using Acathla to suck the world into a hell dimension.  How would that have worked in my favor?”

            “The writings about that statue weren’t very accurate.  As insane as Angelus was, he wasn’t that crazy.  Wasn’t going to send the world to hell, he was going to use Acathla to maintain a portal to another dimension, one he picked special.  Was a right nice place with a sun that didn’t burn and big game for draining, no intelligent life, sorta primeval, yeah?  Had he succeeded, he could’ve come and gone as and when he liked.  _And_ carried you off with him.  See, he didn’t care that you could see him.  He wanted to control you and your gift, although damned if I know what he intended to do with it.  When he came back, he stayed away so you wouldn’t see the truth and spill the beans to Her Blondness.”

            Xander shook his head.  “Okay, confused here.  See what truth?”

            “The truth that his soul is permanently melded with his demon.  A few centuries off by yourself have a way of making demon and soul come to terms with each other, no matter how strong the curse.  Forced them to blend again, didn’t it?”

            “Whoa.  That’s, um... Wow.  I didn’t see anything like that, but I wasn’t really looking for... Wait, why doesn’t he want Buffy to know?”

            “Well, if she’d known the curse was gone, she would’ve been all for them gettin’ back together, wouldn’t she?”

            “Well, she’s got Riley now, but back then, maybe.  So, Angel didn’t ... doesn’t want that?  I thought they were soul mates.”

            “Not bloody likely.  The demon took over because Angel lied to himself and bedded her, knowing a slayer and a vamp were never meant to be.  The man and woman might have loved each other, but the demon and slayer would never be at peace.  It’s against their very natures.  Demon was right pissed about that, and snatched control from Angel soon as he could.”

            Xander grinned, chuckled, and then laughed.  “If she found out ... and he said he didn’t want... Oh, shit, I’d pay to watch that confrontation.”  He wiped his eyes and turned his head to gaze at Spike.  “Still haven’t explained about yourself, you know.  Why do you want me?  To control my gift?”

            “As if I’d know how.  Besides, power’s not my thing.  See, I’ve wanted you since Angel offered you to me.  Even though it was a joke, it made my demon and soul sit up and take notice.  You smelled divine and that hasn’t changed.  But that isn’t what you’re asking, is it?”  Spike ran his hands up and down Xander’s back.

            Xander shifted closer and sighed.  “See, when we, um, in the shower, when I bit you – the hyena was claiming you as her pack and her mate.  _My_ mate.  It... I didn’t plan it, or anything, but you didn’t get a chance to decide, though, so if you... I mean, I’d understand if—”

            “Hush, now.  Told you then, if I hadn’t wanted it, I coulda stopped you.  Knew what it meant.  Primals are much like demons in how they view things, after all.  Who better to understand than another demon?”

            “So you don’t mind?  I mean, you want me the same way?”

            “Told you before.  I love you and want to claim you.  Want you with me forever, Xan.”

            “Y-you want to turn me?”

            “No, luv, never that.  I love you as you are, warm and sweet and able to stand in the light.  Love you fresh from the sun, all hot and sweaty.  Love the bronzed color it gives you.  Would never willingly lose that.”  He pulled him close and buried his nose in silky, dark hair.

            “Okay, so what’s a claim?”

            “There are three different marks a vampire can place on a human.  One claims the human as a Pet, and though I might call you that affectionately, I would never claim you as one.  They’re little more than toys to amuse their master.”  He stroked the mortal’s warm cheek with a gentle finger.  “You could never be just a plaything to me.  A higher level would be Consort.  Consorts are humans vamps are very fond of; someone they will eventually turn into a Childe.  Again, not at all what I want for us.”  He held Xander closer in his arms.  “What I want is to mark and claim you as my Mate.”

            “Mate?  That sounds... Well, like what I want.  But I’ve never heard of a vampire and a mortal being together like that.  Maybe that’s normal in a true vamp society, huh?”

            “No.  Mortal Mates are rare, because few mortals can accept all that a vampire is.  And, in all honesty, few vamps look at mortals as worth the long haul.  That’s what it means.  You and me, joined, forever.  You would gain some of my strengths, as I would some of yours.”

            “Really?  What strengths?”

            “It varies a bit, but all human Mates gain immortality.  Some get physical strength, others heightened senses.  Some Mated couples have a psychic bond – they gain the ability to sense one another over distance, perhaps even communicate mentally.”

            “What would you get?  You don’t... You wouldn’t become mortal, would you?”  There was an undertone of worry in Xander’s voice.

            “No, not that.  Wouldn’t make much sense for the human to become immortal if the vamp loses that, would it?  But again, it depends.  I could get anything from the ability to withstand holy water to being able to walk in the sun.”

            “That would be cool.  And immortality for me.  S-so when you said forever...”

            “Meant forever – you and me, eons into the future.”  He sighed.  “Told you the benefits to the claim.  The down side is that if one dies, so does the other.  Mates can’t exist on their own because they’re linked, y’see?  ’S why you have to be sure.  It’s irreversible – no such thing as a divorce.  There’s a bit of magic involved in the mating claim, and we’d need a witness for part of it.  There’s also stuff that must be done, to bond you to the clan line.  Nothing, er, icky, as you lot say.  Thing is, ya gotta be certain it’s what you want.”

            “Are _you_?  Sure, I mean?  Because you never said anything to me, or asked me out or, well, anything.”  Xander pushed himself up to gaze down at Spike.

            Spike plucked at the comforter.  “Never had to woo anyone before.  Wasn’t sure you’d... Didn’t know what to do, did I?”

            “B-but you want me, right?”

            “Yeah, pet, I do.  Not a doubt in my mind.  You’re my Sweetness, you’re like a sunny day to me.  You’ve shown me that in so many ways.  In over a hundred years, I’ve never found another like you.  Don’t expect to run into your twin in the next century.”

            “Oh well, don’t forget where we live.  I’ve been split into freaky twins once already.”

            “Only you, Xan.”  Spike grinned and stroked the silky hair.  “Why don’t you rest a bit more?  You’re still tired.  We can talk about claims and what all you want when you wake.”

            “Sleep is good.  But I already know.  Wasted all that time putting your things into the spare room.”  He yawned.  “Move ’em into mine, okay?  Want you for as long as you’ll have me.  My vampire, my Spike.”

            “Yes, luv, yours.  Now rest.”  He stroked the lean, muscled back, and felt the mortal melt, boneless and trusting, into his arms.  _You’re one lucky damn vamp, Spike me lad.  And don’t you forget it._


	6. Chapter Five

            Xander woke, stretched, and glanced at the clock.  Five in the morning, but he was slept out.  Spike was curled next to him, tufts of blonde hair peeking from beneath the comforter.  He smiled at the soft curls, wondering if he could get the vamp to forego the gelled look he favored.  He slid out of bed quietly and headed for the bathroom.  Ten minutes later, he was dressed and in the kitchen brewing a pot of coffee.

            He drank his coffee on the patio, cooled by the early morning air.  So much had happened, in such a short time.  _Vampires have souls.  Ethan and Giles are brothers.  Angel and Spike are brothers.  Spike loves me._   He smiled and repeated the thought.  _Spike loves_ me _, Xander Harris, ordinary guy.  He wants to claim me as a mate and spend forever with me._   His smile deepened.  That thought warmed him better than the coffee.  He wasn’t that concerned about Buffy and Willow – between Giles, Spike and Ethan, they’d get the mess straightened out.  Tara’s distress worried him, but he’d do everything he could to help her.  And maybe help Willow at the same time.

            He returned to the kitchen, left a note on the counter for the rest of the household, prepared a small thermos with coffee, and carried it out to the shop.  He had time to get some work done before Tara and the two vampires woke.

*********

            He worked until eight-thirty, then put his tools away and strolled back to the house.  Inside, he collected drafting paper, pencil and an eraser, sat at the table and began to sketch the ideas he’d had while working.  Tara joined him silently, a cup of tea cradled in her hands.  He was jotting down dimensions and notes when the doorbell rang.  A glance at the clock told him it was ten a.m.  Spike and Angel were still sleeping and he hurried to open the door before whoever it was rang again and disturbed them.  He smiled at the two people on the stoop.  “Mama Joyce and the Dawnster.”  He stepped aside and smiled as they entered.  “What brings you to my neck of the woods?  And can I get you anything to drink?”

            Dawn homed in on the fridge for a soda and Joyce pulled him close for a quick hug.  “I’m so sorry to just drop in like this, Xander, but I need a favor.  Would it be possible for Dawn to stay here this week?  The gallery is sending me to New York, and I’d take her, except it’ll be meetings all day and half the night.  She’d be bored, stuck in a hotel room all that time, but it wouldn’t be safe for her to go out on her own.  I know it’s short notice.  The woman who was supposed to go broke her ankle this morning.  I’ll be back Monday.  I hate to put you on the spot like this, but I’d really appreciate it.”

            “Uh, I wouldn’t mind normally, but, um, I have someone living with me now, and I’m not sure... That is, I don’t know if you’d want...”

            Dawn returned from the kitchen and squealed at the sight of the blonde emerging from Xander’s room.  “Spike!  You’re here!  I haven’t seen you all summer.  Where’ve you been?”  She launched herself at the vampire, who grinned and caught her.

            “Hullo, Niblet.”  He swung her around and set her back on her feet.  “Missus.  Been a while, yeah?”

            Joyce shook her finger at him and smiled.  “Why haven’t you been by for hot chocolate, William?  Forgetting your friends?”

            “Wouldn’t forget you and Dawn, just didn’t think your eldest appreciated me droppin’ in on ya.”

            “Last time I checked, I decided who to bring into my home, and you’re always welcome.  Don’t be such a stranger.”  Joyce turned back to Xander.  “Now then, who’s staying with you that you think I’d object to?”

            Xander shrugged.  “I sorta thought you might object to Spike, but I guess I was wrong.”

            Dawn turned to Xander, eyes wide and begging.  “Let me stay with you guys, okay?  Please?  I won’t be any bother, honest.”

            Xander looked over at Spike, who nodded.  “Well, if it’s okay with your mom, it’s fine by us.”

            Joyce smiled and hugged him again.  “Thank you so much, Xander.  And Spike.  I’m sorry I can’t stay, but I have to get home and pack.  My flight leaves early this evening.  Xander, would you walk me to the car?  You can bring Dawn’s bag back with you.”

            He followed her outside and she slipped her arm through his.  “So tell me, have you two finally realized how much you care for each other?”

            Xander felt his cheeks warm.  A couple of years ago, he’d told Joyce how he felt about Spike.  Now he realized the vampire had also confided in the warm-hearted woman.  “Yeah, we talked and, well, we love each other.”  He pulled Dawn’s suitcase from the trunk and chewed on his lip.  “Um, there’s something you should know.  Spike was hurt on patrol the other night and he, he wasn’t healing.  So... I mean, it was regular humans who hurt him... He, he couldn’t fight back, and that’s just wrong, so I...”

            Joyce laid a hand on his arm.  “Did you find a way to neutralize his chip?”  She smiled at him.  “Don’t look so surprised.  I knew about it, and I knew how you’d feel about it.  He’s a good man, Xander, he won’t hurt the people we care about.  You worry too much.”  She kissed his cheek and got behind the wheel.  “I wouldn’t say anything to either of my daughters just yet.  Dawn might not be able to keep it a secret and Buffy wouldn’t understand.”

            “No, I figured he could tell who he wants when he wants.  But you’re trusting me with Dawnie, so you deserved to know.”

            “You’re a good man, as well.  Be careful, honey, and don’t spoil Dawn too outrageously.”  She drove off, waving goodbye.

            Xander entered the house to find Dawn, Spike and a grumpy Angel at the kitchen table.  He looked at Spike, raised his brows and tilted his head at the dark vampire.  Spike grinned.

            “Peaches is a sourpuss if ya wake him before three in the afternoon.”

            Angel glared at the blonde.  “You’d be sour too if your sleep was interrupted by Dawn’s shrieks.  I’m surprised the neighborhood dogs aren’t barking, she had to reach ultrasonic range today.”

            Dawn balled up a napkin and threw it at him.  “Did not, but I could always try again.”

            Xander laughed.  “Nah, let’s leave the broodmeister to his blood and coffee.  How about you and I go for a swim?  Then we’ll laze around and figure out ways to keep you amused.”  He looked over at Tara.  “Would you like to join us?  The water feels real good this time of day, or, well, any time of day, to me.”

            Tara shook her head.  “Not right now, but thank you.  I’m going back to my room.  I n-need to think about things.”  She picked up her tea and left as quietly as she’d entered earlier.

            Xander sighed and gave Dawn a nudge.  “Tara’s in your usual room, so put your stuff in the bedroom next to the office and then change into your swim suit.  Maybe you can help me figure out a few things after our swim.”

*********

            Giles sat in his office, a steaming cup of tea nestled in a saucer on his desk.  Last night he’d told Anya everything that had happened.  She’d listened quietly, and when they’d opened the shop this morning, had shooed him into his office to think.  He went without arguing and now his mind was roaming back over the past six years, trying to view the group – and Xander – in light of the new information he possessed.  It was an unpleasant and humbling process.

            Unpleasant because he could see, with the clarity of hindsight, how often he and the others had slighted Xander; how often they’d pushed him aside without consideration; how often they’d taken his love and loyalty for granted.  They’d ignored him and marginalized him and still he fought at their side.  He thought of what Angel had told him about the confrontation between Angelus and Xander, and wondered at the courage it had taken for Xander to make that stand.  He wondered how Xander had survived school, inundated by the uncontrolled emotions of the teenagers around him.  He’d concealed his hurts and disappointments behind humor, much as he’d hidden physical injuries beneath loose, gaudy clothing.

            Yes, now that the blinders were off, he could see it all.  What he couldn’t see was why Xander still cared, and that was the humbling part.  Because he knew Xander _did_ still love them, was still loyal to them.  After everything they’d done and failed to do, the young man’s heart still held them secure.  _We don’t deserve him, but we will_.

*********

            Buffy knocked on Willow’s door, heard a muffled “Come in,” and pushed the door open to dimness.  Sighing, she crossed the room and opened the curtains, allowing the late afternoon light to brighten the room.  Willow sat cross-legged on her bed, clothed in flannel pajamas and sniffling into a tissue.

            “Okay, I know you’re bummed about Xander and the lecture from Giles, and hurting because of the spat with Tara, but get a grip, Wills.  You blew off classes today, you’re still in your jammies, your eyes are red and puffy which totally looks ucky, and you haven’t even brushed your hair.  This way lies badness and the eating of too much ice cream.”

            Willow swiped at her eyes and nose with a fresh tissue and aimed a sullen look at Buffy.  “ _You_ didn’t get the full Ripper lecture about magic and irresponsibility; _you_ got to sleep with your honey last night, and besides, you have slayer advantages like bouncing back from stuff faster.  I miss Tara, Xander probably won’t talk to me for months, and Giles said if I didn’t stop being so foolish, he’d find a way to bind my powers.  So you tell me why I should be Miss Chipper Wicca today.”

            Buffy dropped down on the bed and gave Willow a hug.  “I’m sorry, really.  I didn’t think things through, you know? I mean, you have every right to be uber upset, and I should’ve realized that.  And I didn’t think things through yesterday, either.  I got all amped up and just dragged you along.”

            Willow sighed.  “It wasn’t just you.  I was right there, ready to jump in with the spells and potions.”  She picked at a loose thread on the blanket.  “It’s just I know Xander, and this new look and attitude or whatever isn’t him.  And I want the old Xander back – the one who never forgot to bring coffee and donuts, who was always ready with a joke or a goofy grin... And okay, I know I’m not always good with things changing, but maybe if he hadn’t become Xander version 2.0 overnight, it would be easier... Only not, because original Xan was reliable, and when I messed up he always forgave me, and—”

            Buffy held up her hand to stop the babble.  “Hey, I agree something’s wrong.  I don’t get why Giles doesn’t see it, but that doesn’t matter.  You’ve known Xan since you two were in kindergarten, so I say you’ve gotta be the one person who’d know when things are off in Xanderland.”  She blew a strand of hair off her face.  “Yesterday reminded me of the Xander we knew when Angel was all Angelussy.  Well, except he never would’ve been standing up for a vampire then.  No, then he was all Angel - vampire.  Vampire - bad.  Slayer kill vampire.  He never got how hard it was for me.  I mean, even when he came to the mansion that night, and told me the resouling was a no go; he didn’t say it like it mattered.  He sounded almost glad you couldn’t do the spell.”

            “He what?  Wait, wait – why do you think I wasn’t doing the spell?  I was, I just needed more time.  I told him to have you stall.”

            “He said... He told me... Oh no, I swear he’s a dead man.”  Buffy gripped the blanket, feeling it tear under her fingers.

            “What did Xander say?  Didn’t he give you my message?”

            “He told me ‘Willow says kick his ass.’  I thought it meant you couldn’t do the spell.  That backstabbing little shit!”  She jumped to her feet and started pacing.  “He was always jealous of Angel, he never understood how we felt about each other.  I’m so going to get him for this.”

            “B-but if he said that way back then... Do you think something’s been wrong with him all along?  I mean, his eyes – remember how they were all glowy green?  Like when he was possessed... Oh, no.  What if, what if it never really went away?  And all this time—”

            “All this time we’ve been fooled.”  Buffy shook her head.  “No more.  Even Giles will have to admit something’s wrong when we tell him this.  I think we should let Riley know about this, so he’ll be prepared to back us up.  We’ll get it straightened out tonight – after I get some payback.”

*********

            Xander closed the dishwasher, stood and sighed in relief.  Angel had left after dinner, as soon as the sun vacated the sky.  The visit had been pleasant enough – at least no blood had been spilled, and no furniture broken – but he still wasn’t comfortable spending much time in the dark vampire’s presence.  He felt cool arms circle his waist, and smiled over his shoulder at Spike.

            “Glad to see the back of him, pet?”

            “Mmm.  I’m happy he won’t go psycho-vamp again, and it’s good you two can be in a room without tearing into each other, but he and I will never be bosom buddies, yanno?  Too much history for that.”

            “Can understand that.  Not like the poof and me are gonna have smooth sailin’ from now on.  Still, was good he cared enough to stop by.”

            “Uh-huh.  Not looking forward to him finding out certain things, though.  Which’ll happen if he spends too much time here.”

            Dawn strolled in from her room, dressed for the Scooby meeting in jeans, tee shirt and sneakers.  “Like what things, Xan?”

            “Like how often I screwed up his plans when he was Angelus.  I’ve seen him hold a grudge, and don’t want it directed at me.”

            Dawn snickered.  “You mean, like the rocket launcher that destroyed the Judge?  And the hospital visit thing?  Or like when you forced him at stake-point to help Buffy with the Master?”

            Xander chuckled.  “Nah, those things he knows about – well, not the Judge.  But, I’m thinking more about the time I lied to Buffy and Angel wound up with a sword in his gut, being swallowed by Acathla.”  He turned in Spike’s arms and kissed the wide-eyed vamp.  “That’s a story for another day.  Time we got to the Magic Shop.”  He glanced at Tara’s closed bedroom door.  “Wish I knew how to make this easier for her.  I know she doesn’t want to go with us, but I hate leaving her alone.”

            The door opened and Tara emerged.  “I changed my mind.  Is it okay if I come with you?”

            Xander pulled her into a hug.  “Whatever you want is all right with us.  You just let us know if it gets to be too much for you.”

            Tara smiled shyly and the four of them made their way to the garage.

            Dawn followed Tara into the back of the truck’s extended cab and leaned forward, resting her chin on top of Xander’s seat.  “Do the others know you and Spike are together, or should I keep my mouth shut about it?”

            “If they haven’t figured it out yet, they’ll know after tonight.  I’m not keeping it a secret; they can like it or not, but too much flak and we’ll leave.  So if I say let’s go, we go.  Okay?”

            “No problem.  Not like I’d want to stick around if they’re being all mean to the two of you.”

            “You sure about this, luv?  We don’t have to tell them tonight.”

            Without looking, Xander found and clasped Spike’s hand.  “I’m not ashamed of you, and I’m not gonna hide how I feel, even if I could.  I want to grab a bullhorn and announce that William the Bloody wants me as his mate.  From now on, we’re a package deal, Blondie.”

            “Mates?  You and Spike?  That is so cool!  Is there a ceremony?  Is it private?  Can Tara and I be there?  Will there be cake?”

            Xander laughed at the teenager’s babble.  “Aim those questions at the evil undead, Red Dawn.”

*********

            They entered the Magic Shop and were greeted with a small wave from Anya.  Giles came out of the office and smiled at them.  “Hello, Dawn.  I didn’t expect to see you here.”

            The teenager grinned.  “Mom had to make a business trip, so the Terrible Twins are stuck with me for two weeks.”  She bounced in place.  “Are you researching tonight?  What can I do?  You guys don’t treat me like a know-nothing kid, and I wanna help.”

            “That’s because you aren’t a know-nothing, Niblet.  Got a good head on your shoulders, ya do.”

            Xander handed Giles several copies of Ethan’s original notes.  “Here’s the unedited version of what Ethan discovered.  Why don’t you, Tara and Dawn look it over?  Spike and I have studied it so much we’re cross-eyed.  Maybe you’ll spot something we’ve missed.  Meanwhile, we can look at the books you’ve gone through, G-man, and hopefully, we’ll figure it out, right?”

            They were deep in research mode an hour later when Buffy, Riley and Willow came in.  Willow and Riley sat down across from the others.  Buffy stood, hands planted on the table.

            “Why are you here, Dawn?  Does Mom know?  Obviously not, because you shouldn’t be here.  And what the hell are you reading?  This is grown-up stuff, not something you can do anything about.”

            “Geez, Buffy, chill.  Yes, Mom knows I’m here.  She had to go to New York, and I couldn’t go with her.  Janice is out of town, so Mom asked—”

            “Mom dumped you on Giles?  Oh, for... Fine, get your things.  I’ll take you back to the dorm.  I’m sorry Giles, I know you don’t want to watch my baby sister.  She can stay with me.”

            Giles looked up, eyebrows raised.  “Actually, I have no objection to Dawn visiting, but—”

            “But nothing.  Mom had no right to just—”

            Dawn glared at her sister.  “Get over yourself.  I’m not staying with Mr. Giles.  I’m staying with Xander.  Mom asked if it was all right, and he said yes.  And for your information, they _asked_ me to look this over.  They wanted my help.”

            Buffy’s eyes narrowed.  “You’re staying with Xander, while Spike’s there?  I don’t think so.  Mom would never agree—”

            Dawn pulled out her cell phone, punched a button and handed the phone to her sister.  “Ask her yourself.  I’m tired of you bossing me around.”

            “Fine.  But when she tells you to come with me, no arguments.  Mom, it’s Buffy.  Dawn told me this crazy story that you said she— What?  No, she’s here at the Magic Shop, and said you told her she could stay— Mom, _Spike’s_ there, and— You _knew_?  But— No, but— Yes, but— Okay, all right.”  She shoved the phone at Xander.  “She wants to talk to you.”

            He marked his place in his book and took the phone.  “Hi Mama Joyce.  Nope, not a problem.  Uh-huh.  Sure.  Oh yeah, we’re researching.  Haven’t gotten very far, but she’s helping.  Okay, I’ll have her call you tomorrow.  Uh-huh, bye.”  He closed the phone and tossed it to Dawn.  “Everything cool now?”

            Dawn smiled and returned to her reading while Buffy transferred her glare to Xander.  “Cool?  No.  But since you and Dawn have my mom wrapped around your little fingers, I can’t do much about it, can I?”  She dropped into a chair near Giles, twirled a stake in her fingers and smiled.  “So, what do I slay tonight?  Can it be Fangless?”

            “I so don’t wanna be like you when I’m older.”  Dawn’s lip curled in a sneer worthy of Spike.  “Threatening people who help us and who can’t fight back is way pathetic.  Besides, Mom likes Spike.  She’d probably disown you if you hurt him.”  She gathered up her papers and walked to the training room.  “I’ll work back here.”  The door shut firmly behind her.

            Xander stood and walked over to stare down at the slayer.  “Enough with the threats, Buffy.  You’ll have to go through me to get to him.  You want to play it that way?”  From the corner of his eye, he saw Spike’s shift into a position that would allow him to move quickly if needed.  “I know I wasn’t thrilled when you were with Angel, but the only time I threatened to stake him was when he was hurting us.  You can give my lover the same damn courtesy.  And if you can’t, we’ll walk.”

            “Your _lover_?  Spike?  What the hell are you thinking?”  Buffy jumped to her feet.  “Giles, you’ve got to see Xander’s being mojoed or something, right?  Xander’s not gay, and he’s talking groiny-ness with the evil undead.”

            “Buffy, I spent a great deal of time with Xander last night and I’ve come to the conclusion that we have all seriously underestimated his intelligence, strength and insight.  As for Spike – well, he isn’t quite the villain we’ve always thought.  I’ve made mistakes in the past that I don’t intend to continue making.  I’ve had my eyes opened, and I’ll not allow myself to close them again.”

            “Yeah, so have I.”  Buffy strode around the table.  “Bet you thought I’d never find out, didn’t you?  Bet you thought you were home free, you lying bastard.”

            Xander frowned.  “What are you talking about?”

            “Willow never told you to have me kick Angel’s ass.  That night, the night I sent the man I loved to hell, she was working on the spell.  She wanted me to stall.  You lied to me, and I tried to kill him.  But it didn’t work, did it?  He came back, so your little plan to get rid of Angel backfired.  And now, I think I owe you something.”  She moved, quick as a snake, and punched him hard enough to rock him back a step.

            Spike roared, leaped over the table and pulled Xander away from her.  “Touch him again, Slayer, and—”

            “And what, No-Bite?  You’ll snarl at me?”

            Xander stepped in front of Spike, placed a hand in the center of his chest and shook his head.  “It’s all right, Blondie.”  He turned to face Buffy.  “I hope you got that outta your system, because that’s the only shot I’ll give you.  Yes, I lied.  Not because I wanted _Angel_ dead, but because _Angelus_ was killing people I knew.  Or have you forgotten Miss Calendar?  Maybe the way he tortured Giles slipped your mind.  Willow was trying to do the spell, but she was concussed, and it wasn’t happening fast enough.  I could see that Acathla was opening, and we didn’t have time to dick around.  I was seventeen, and I did the only thing I could think of to save everyone I loved, you included.  None of which has anything to do with what’s happening now, so deal.”

            “Deal?  You... you...”  She cocked her arm back.

            Xander grabbed her wrist.  “I told you, one shot.  No more.  I’m not your whipping boy.”

            Buffy’s eyes widened, and he knew she was surprised at his strength.  He released her and she stepped back.   

            Willow stood and moved to Buffy’s side.  “You and Spike?  But y-you can’t be... I mean, you wouldn’t...”  Willow gulped.  “You hate vampires.  How could you think you love Spike?”

            Xander leaned back against Spike’s chest and narrowed his eyes.  “No, I never hated vampires.  That was—”

            “Whoa, hold up.”  Buffy aimed a fierce glare at him.  “You’ve _always_ hated vamps.  You hated Angel, and he had a _soul_.  You never missed a chance to snipe at me about him.”

            Xander kept his eyes on Willow.  “Most of them have souls, Buffy.  I just didn’t like Angel much.  Stupid dickhead had to be poked and prodded to get off his ass and do the right thing.  As for the other, Willow knows what I’m talking about, don’t you, Willow?”

            “Why are you... What do you mean?  I, I don’t know what you’re getting at.”  Willow stepped back, green eyes wide and wary.

            “I know about the spell.  I know what you did.  After the Harvest, when I told you about staking Jesse at the Bronze, you performed a little memory spell.  Was it your first, Willow?  Or just the first one you used on me without my knowledge?”

            Giles frowned.  “Xander, what are you saying?  Willow didn’t start practicing magic until much later.”

            “No, that’s just what she told us, what she wanted us to think.  Our Will’s been into it a lot longer.  I get the feeling there’s a lot she hasn’t told us.”

            Buffy sighed loudly.  “Now you’re just making shit up.  Willow couldn’t even levitate a pencil until nearly a year after the Harvest.”

            “So she led us to believe.  I know better.  Gonna ’fess up, Will, or shall I tell them?”

            The red head bit her lip and darted quick glances at the others.  “It wasn’t anything big!  I just wanted... You were so upset, you felt so bad, and I... It was to help you, that’s all.  You... Jesse was dead, and you were feeling guilty.  And it wasn’t even Jesse you killed, but you... It was just to _help_ you.”

            Giles leaned forward.  “What did you do?”

            “It was just a little spell, to make him feel better about... It wasn’t anything big!”

            Xander snorted.  “Oh no, nothing big.  You just tampered with my mind, my memories and my emotions.  You wanted me to hate all vampires, so I wouldn’t feel bad about dusting Jesse, right?”  He nodded.  “Sure, just a simple little spell, for my own good, of course.  And the fact that it backfired, made me forget just how special Jesse was to me, forget what we meant to each other, forget that I was beginning to realize I might be gay... Well, no biggie, right?  I’m just Xander, and you know what’s best for me.”

            “You were hurting and I just wanted to make it better for you.  So you’d be my Xander again, happy and, and not so sad.”

            “Do you hear yourself?  _You_ wanted.  _Your_ Xander.  I’m not _yours_.  I’m my own person.  _Five years_ , Willow – five years of disastrous dates, five years of wondering why I couldn’t be happy, five years of denying my true self and not even knowing I was doing it!  All because you did a little spell.”  He met her watery eyes and shook his head.  “Tears and cookies won’t fix this, Willow.  I don’t know if anything can.”

            Giles slid his glasses up and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “You foolish little girl.”  He looked over at Xander.  “When did you find out, and is the spell completely gone?”

            “Shortly after I met Ethan, and yes.  Doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about it, or forgiven.”

            Riley stepped up to the table.  “Ethan?  Ethan Rayne?  You’d trust him over your friends?  Does this sound suspicious to anyone else?  I mean, Rayne and Spike, two of the worst individuals around, and Xander’s mixed up with them.  I’m not really impressed with your decision making, Xander.”  He edged closer to Spike, one hand in his pocket.

            Xander moved, putting himself between the two men.  “Like I give a damn what you think.  Back off, Finn, and let me see your hands.”

            The bell jangled over the entrance and Ethan rushed in.  “Alexander, thank Janus.  I’ve just discovered something that...”  He looked at the group and walked around the table to stand beside Giles, Spike, and Xander.  “What’s going on?”

            Willow’s green eyes blazed.  “You!  What are you doing here?  What have you done to turn Xander against us?  Did you bring the hyena back?  Is that why he’s like this?”

            “The hyena never left, and he’s helping me learn to control it.  Other than that, he’s done nothing but help me get free of your magic, Willow.”  Xander kept his eyes on Riley and felt his passengers come to alertness.  “Finn, I told you to stand down.”

            Giles rose to his feet, his eyes darkening.  “I’d suggest you do as you’re told, Riley.  I happen to agree with Xander, you see.  I doubt you’re capable of taking on the three of us.”  He turned his gaze to Buffy and Willow.  “You two would do well to consider that before you make any other inflammatory remarks.”

            Rayne smiled.  “Make that the four of us, Rupert.”  He turned his dark eyes to Willow.  “Remember what I am and who I follow, Miss Rosenberg, and consider where much of your power lies.  Do you think yourself more powerful than I?  Shall we test that theory?  And you, Mr. Finn – have you ever stood against a Chaos mage?”  He muttered something under his breath and flicked his fingers at Riley.  “Care to try?”

            Willow looked back and forth between Rayne and Giles.  “Why are you... What’s going on?  Why are you siding with Ethan Rayne?  You always said he was—”

            “I know full well what I said, and I regret every poisonous lie I spoke.  I only hope he can someday forgive me.”  Giles gripped Ethan’s shoulder.  “In the meantime, where else should I stand but at my brother’s side?”

            Buffy goggled.  “Brother?  Okay, way with the freakiness.”  She turned to Willow.  “Maybe Rayne mojoed both of them?  Could he and Spike be working together?”

            Rupert’s voice overrode hers.  “Enough!  There is no spell at work here.  I withheld the truth from you for my own reasons, but now I’m setting things right.  You will please do me the courtesy of remaining polite, at least when in my shop.”

            Riley stepped back, his hands open and held away from his body.  “You were right, Buffy, something’s definitely wrong here.  Maybe we should let them, um, settle down for a while.  We can come back later, maybe with help – get them to calm down and talk to us.”

            “Help?  Don’t bring any of your buddies here, Finn.  They won’t get a warm welcome.”  Xander tilted his head and studied Riley.  “You wanna know what’s wrong with the Initiative, Buffy?”

            “God, Xander, give it a rest.  They don’t exist anymore.  And yeah, Maggie Walsh was psycho lady, but they weren’t _all_ bad.  They killed demons, or kept them from killing people, at least.  I’m not seein’ the downside in that.”  Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes.

            “Yeah, that’s what they did.  And I get that it made your job easier, but their ideology could’ve caused a human/demon war.  What if demons had decided to band together to get rid of the Initiative?  Think they would’ve stopped to wonder if we were the good guys?  Not likely.  We would’ve been caught in the crossfire.”

            Xander paused and looked over at Riley.  “Finn’s still here, along with a bunch of other former members.  So what if they’re stationed at the regular base?  My guess is the Initiative goes by some other name now, and probably has a new and improved manifesto.  But it’s still the same thing – the military trying to control the supernatural without understanding anything about it.  See, I’ve studied history, and every time the government starts deciding that any single group of people is bad, _everyon_ e suffers.  Remember the movie _V for Vendetta_ , and what V said?  _‘People should not fear their government, their government should fear the people.’_ Good line.  Truth in fiction.  And if that isn’t enough, what would you say if a group of people decided to hunt down and destroy all witches just because a few were hurting innocents?  They’ve done it before.  Would that be a good thing in your book?”

            “It isn’t like that! Riley and his people didn’t hurt humans.  Just demons.”

            “Not _just_ demons, _all_ demons.  And not all demons are bad.  You know that; you’ve met Clem and Oz and others like them.  They don’t want to hurt people, or control the hellmouth, or destroy the world.  They just want to live their lives, like everyone in this room.”  He roughly shoved his hair back and gusted out an annoyed breath.  “What if the government decides that anyone who isn’t fully human is a danger?  I mean, I have a Primal inside me.  Want to see me with a chip in my head?”

            “They wouldn’t do that.”

            Riley nodded.  “Buffy’s right, Xander.  I’m part of a new group.  Demon Action Response Team.  We’ve changed and we aren’t going to come after you or anyone here.”

            Giles narrowed his eyes at the soldier.  “So, the Initiative _is_ back.  Did you people learn nothing from your last fiasco?”

            Riley flushed.  “Of course we did.  We’re not... We can’t ignore what we’ve seen, we can’t shut our eyes and pretend demons don’t exist.  But, we have new commanders and we don’t experiment anymore.  We _do_ make sure to monitor hotspots in order to protect military personnel stationed nearby.  We’re using the knowledge we gained at such a terrible price to protect lives – that’s all.”

            “Nice party line, Finn.  Sounds like what those wankers in Germany used to say.”

            “Shut up, Spike.”  Buffy transferred her glare to the vampire.  “D.A.R.T. isn’t going to hurt my friends.”

            Xander stepped forward.  “ _They don’t fucking care!_   Didn’t you learn that when Walsh was around?  What if they decide a Chaos mage is too dangerous to have around, or that Willow’s magic might be a neat study program, or your strength?  Hell, they tried that one the last time.  Spike’s comment about Nazi Germany is right on the money.  Demons captured by them were given numbers.  Why?  To make them _things_.  Ask Willow about the number tattooed on her grandfather’s wrist.  Better yet, look up the Holocaust online.  That’ll turn your stomach, trust me.”

            He could see by her eyes he wasn’t getting through to her, but he kept trying.  “Do you know how they proved people weren’t witches during the trials in Salem?  One way was to weigh the person down with stones and toss them into the river.  If they floated, they were a witch.  If not, oh well, an innocent died.  Burning at the stake was another one.  Most they just tortured to get them to confess.  And hey, guess what?  A lot of them did, just to stop the pain.  They died, of course, but what the hell – just a witch, right?  Not a person like you or me.  _That’s_ the mentality of the Initiative, old or new.  Sorta like the Watchers Council; they know better than anyone else what should be done, and if you don’t agree, they get rid of you, one way or another.  You do recall how they tried to solve their little problem with a stubborn slayer, right?”  He took a deep breath.  “Yeah, you’re the slayer, but that doesn’t make you God.  You’re as prone to mistakes as anyone in this room.  And you’re making one now.”

            Buffy stomped to the table and gathered her things.  “This is just peachy.  You’re standing there spouting garbage about my boyfriend, you’re upsetting Willow, questioning my judgment and now you’ve got my watcher siding with the evil undead.  Fine, see how well you handle things without the slayer and the witches on your side.  Let’s go, Riley.  The air in here is getting rank.  Willow, Tara, come on.”

            Willow turned to Xander, her lower lip trembling and her eyes awash with tears.  “Xander?”

            He shook his head.  “No more, Wills.  If you won’t trust me to know what I’m doing, and can’t keep yourself from using magic on me, we have major problems.  And I’m not ready to forgive you for your latest attempt to _fix_ me.”

            Buffy stopped at the door and tapped her foot.  “Willow, come on!  He won’t listen to reason right now, so just let him be.  Tara, get your things together.”

            The blonde shook her head.  “No.  You’re wrong and I won’t go with you.”

            Xander bit his lip.  “Tara, it’s okay.  You don’t have to take sides in this.  You love Willow.”

            She nodded.  “I know you wouldn’t make me choose, but this isn’t right.  Go on, Willow.  Maybe we can talk later.”

            The bell jingled as the door closed behind them.

            The training room door opened and Dawn peered out.  “Are they gone?  I could hear the yelling and didn’t want to make things worse.  But, there’s something you should look at.”

            Rupert escorted her to the table.  “What have you found?”

            “See these letters at the end of each report?  It’s on every written report you sent in.”

            “Yes, of course.  All my reports were sent to my immediate superior, with copies sent to various people within the organization.  There’s nothing unusual about that.”

            “I know, but look at this.  These are reports I snagged from the old Initiative database.  They have initials at the bottom, too, so I figure the military does the same thing – sends copies to other people.  It’s these initials, here.  They’re on both sets of reports.  It can’t be a coincidence, can it?  I mean, how many upper echelon people connected with Sunnydale would have those initials?”

            Rupert gaped, Ethan’s eyes narrowed, and Tara sucked in a short breath.  Xander looked around the shop, gathered the papers along with some books and walked to the door.  “We need to leave, now.  Grab what books we’ll need.”  He motioned to Tara and Dawn.  “Come on, ladies, into the truck.  Ethan, Giles – follow us back to my place.”

            Giles locked the door to the Magic Shop and faced the group waiting on the sidewalk.  “Do you really think we’ll be any safer there?”

            Xander shrugged.  “Farther away from prying eyes, at least, although with today’s surveillance equipment, that might not be enough.  But I know no one can get in, so the interior’s safe and free from eavesdroppers.  Anyone have a better idea?”

            Ethan shook his head.  “Not at the moment.  This is very disturbing, although it ties in quite well with what I discovered today.  We need a safe place to discuss our findings.”  He turned to his brother.  “Why don’t you give Anya a call – make up some innocuous reason for being out tonight.  Or have her join us for dinner.  Once we get to Xander’s, you and I can set up something to foil any long range listening apparatus our enemies might use.”

            Giles nodded.  “Very well.”


	7. Chapter Six

            The group gathered around Xander’s kitchen table was a shaken one.  Spike eyed them and pulled Tara aside.  “Let’s get some tea and refreshments set out before the confab, yeah?”

            She smiled shakily at him and nodded.  “What can I do?”

            “Raid the fridge for drinks and cheese.  I think Xan’s got some crackers in the cabinet.  I’ll start the tea and put some apples or some such in a bowl.”

            They worked quietly, intent on the small tasks.  “You gonna be okay, Glinda?  Know you had a bunch more hurt piled on you tonight.”

            Her shoulders tensed briefly.  “I’ll be fine.  Not right this minute, but eventually.”

            He nodded.  “Meantime, if there’s anything I can do, you’ve only to ask, yeah?”

            She pressed her lips lightly to his cheek.  “I know, and thank you.  You and Xander have made this bearable.”  She finished placing cheese and crackers on the platter and turned to Spike, her face once more serene.  “Shall we?”

            They carried the food and drinks to the table.  Dawn, Ethan and Giles were going through the paperwork Dawn had found.  Xander sat on the other side of the table, his head in his hands.

            “All right, people.  Help yourself to whatever you like.  Glinda, make yourself comfortable.  Xan, come with me for a bit.”

            Xander stood and followed Spike to a corner of the room.  “What’s up, Blondie?”

            “You tell me, pet.  What’s got you in such a funk you can’t be arsed to look over what the Bit found?”

            Xander glared at him.  “I just raked my two best buds over the coals, sounding more like my damn father with every word, and you think I’m in a _funk_?  Thanks so much for your support.”

            “Didja lie, Xan?  Make up sommat just to get them feelin’ bad?  Or didja tell it the way you saw it, the way it felt to you?”

            “You think I’d _lie_ about this shit?  Who the hell do you think you are?”

            “Just answer the fucking question, Xander.  Did you give them and us a lie?”

            The brunette was in his face now, vibrating with anger.  “No!  I didn’t lie, damn it!  What the hell’s gotten into you?”

            “So, you were honest with ‘em, and they didn’t like it.  Is that your fault?”

            “What?  No, of course not.  But—”

            “No buts.  Ya told ’em how you saw it and ya told ’em what happened, and how it affected you.  Now it’s up to them to deal with it, and no blame to you if they can’t.  So stop your moping and be the man I know – the man I love.  Because this puling _boy_ I see sure ain’t him.”

            Xander’s eyes blazed and flashed green before returning to their normal, warm chocolate.  “That was damn harsh.”

            Spike gathered him close.  “Yeah, luv, I know.  But it got the job done, and fast.  No time to waste on might have beens right now.  Got bigger problems, don’t we?  And we need you on board to help us.”  He ran a gentle hand up and down Xander’s back.

            “Yeah, okay, I’m better now.  Let the brainstorming begin.”

*********

            Xander returned to the table and Spike took the chair beside him.  “Sorry for the pity party, everyone.  I’ll do my best not to let it happen again.”  He poured a cup of coffee, filled a plate with food and looked over at Ethan.  “Before we get started, what did you do to Riley?  I couldn’t make out the words, but I know an incantation when I hear it.”

            “Ah, yes, that.  He was wearing a monitoring device and I deactivated it.”

            Giles frowned.  “How on earth did you know it was there?”

            “I’ve been studying various electronic devices and their signatures for a few months.”

            “Why on earth would you do that?”

            Xander rubbed his forehead and sighed.  “He did it for me.”

            “For you?  Why?”

            “So I could destroy Spike’s chip.  And before you ask the next question – yeah,I did.”

            “Spike’s chip is—”

            “Gone.”

            Rupert fiddled with his glasses.  “I shouldn’t be surprised.  You’ve always been vocal in your dislike of it.”

            “Wouldn’t be much use to ya against these wankers if that piece of shite was still there, Watcher.”

            “Hmm.  And do you still intend to exact retribution upon us for our treatment of you?”

            “Might be tempted, but Xander wouldn’t be best pleased if I did.”  Spike grimaced.  “Wasn’t like I made a good impression on ya, anyway.  Consider it water under the bridge, yeah?”

            Giles pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Given all the circumstances, I shall do my best to consider our slate clean.” 

            “I think we’ve gotten off-topic.”  Tara’s quiet voice interrupted the two men.

            “You’re right, hon.” Xander took a gulp of coffee, washing down the cheese and crackers he’d been munching on.  “Okay, Dawn found something and we need to look it over.  And Ethan, you said you’d discovered something.  Who goes first?”

            Dawn looked down at the papers in front of her.  “It’s the initials on these reports, Xander.  Watcher reports and Initiative reports with the same set of initials.  It really can’t be a coincidence, can it?”

            Ethan shook his head.  “No, Miss Summers, it isn’t.  It ties in neatly to what I discovered this afternoon.  I followed a demon today, and managed to obtain this.”  He handed his brother a photograph.  “I took the picture myself.”

            Giles frowned.  “I’m not terribly surprised; the man knows nothing of honor or loyalty.  This definitely implicates the Watcher’s Council, but I fail to see how this is in any way connected to the Initiative new or old.  The two groups are far removed from each other, both in physical distance and mindset.”

            Xander stood.  “Dawn Patrol, get my laptop from the study, okay?  And bring the spare battery.  Tara, go with her and grab notepads and pens – enough for everyone, please.”  He began clearing the table, moving the food to the sideboard and setting the drinks on a rolling caddy.  Dawn and Tara returned with his computer and writing supplies, and Xander placed the laptop in front of him.  Once he had it powered up, he looked over at Giles.

            “I’m not the wiz at hacking that Willow is, but I get by.  I doubt I can get deep into the base’s files, but I should be able to sneak into their personnel records.  Might take some time, so while I work on this, why don’t the rest of you go over those reports.  This time, look at the substance and see what reports have what in common.  I want to know why the Council is after me.”  He ran a hand through his hair.  “Someone bring Tara and Dawn up to speed on my, um, odd nature.”

            Ethan nodded.  “I can do that.  Ladies, if you’ll come with me, we’ll talk while I strengthen the wards.”  He paused at the doorway.  “Before this night is over, Alexander, you and I will discuss the melding of your personas.  I believe we will need you in top form, and the division within your mind rather defeats that, yes?”

            Xander sighed.  “Yeah.  Maybe Tara and Giles can help with that.  I know it has to be done, but I admit to having a major wiggins about it.  For now, you go power up the wards and I’m gonna hack the military.”

            “Xander, what kind of wards are there here?  They don’t feel like anything I’ve encountered before.”

            “Crystal-based, Tara.  They were enchanted outside this dimension, and given as payment for a set of weapons made from a difficult to work metal.  If I ever move, they’re coming with me.”

            “How do you recharge them?”

            “I’ll explain that, my dear.”  Ethan took her elbow and steered her out of the room.

            An hour later, Xander leaned back from the computer and rubbed his eyes.  He’d been vaguely aware of quiet discussions around him as he worked, but once he moved, all conversation stopped.  “Okay, that wasn’t as tough as I thought.  Thanks to Dawn snagging those reports and my military passenger, I had something to work with.  I accessed Personnel, and found our snake.”  He flipped the computer around so they could all see the screen.  “Behold General Quinn Tremaine, top dog in the original Initiative program.  Otherwise known as—”

            Rupert’s voice was arctic.  “Quentin Travers.”

*********

            Xander frowned.  “Guess we know the connection between the Watchers and D.A.R.T. – Travers runs them both.”  He rubbed his thumb over his lower lip.  “Hard to believe we didn’t connect the dots sooner.  This is Sunnydale, home of the weird, strange, and double identities.  Although I suppose this qualifies as a triple identity.  Still, how the hell do we handle this?”          

            “I can always drain the bastard.”

            Xander smiled.  “Tempting, Blondie.”

            Ethan stood and topped off his cup of tea.  “I don’t necessarily disagree with that approach, although it would leave us wondering who would replace him, and what they might do.”

            Xander sighed.  “So, we seek and destroy – again.  Been there and done that.  I’ll have to break the tee shirt out of retirement.”  He looked up at Giles.  “You know, this could do a lot of damage to the Council.”

            Rupert nodded.  “Buffy, as well.  To find that her boyfriend is, once again, on the wrong side... I doubt she’ll take it well.”

             Xander rubbed his temples.  “Riley.  Yeah, that’s a problem.  I hafta say, guys, I’m not getting a conspiracy vibe from him.  Even when we confronted him about D.A.R.T., he didn’t seem to be hiding anything.”

            Spike lit a cigarette.  “I’ve never liked the git, but he did help with taking down the original Initiative.  Seemed to believe what he was sayin’ tonight.”  Spike snorted.  “Can’t believe I’m standing up for the wanker.”

            Tara leaned forward, elbows on the table.  “Maybe he’s fallen into the same trap as before – believing his superiors and not knowing what’s really going on.”

            Giles nodded.  “It’s possible, although I don’t know how we could safely test that theory.”

            Xander looked up.  “Invite him here.  The wards would keep him out if he wants to hurt us.”

            Ethan shook his head.  “Even so, it would give him your location.  I can’t say I like that idea, Alexander.”

            “We could just ask him.”  Tara made the offer quietly.  “Ask him if he’s willing to talk with a truth tell in place.  If he says no, that’s our answer.  We just have to get him on his own.”

            “That would work, my dear.  Why don’t you and Dawn see if you can devise a ruse that will allow you to meet with Mr. Finn sans the slayer?”  Ethan turned to the others.  “Meanwhile, I believe it’s time to bring order to the chaos in your mind, Alexander.  Rupert, I’ll need your help.”

            “Uh, teach – do we really have the time right now?  I mean, plans to make, villains to foil, not to mention—“

            Spike pressed a finger to Xander’s lips.  “Know you’re nervous, pet – but it has to be done.  You agreed to that already.  And I’ll be right here, watching out for you.  Can’t put it off any longer, yeah?”

            “Yeah, I just... It’s kinda scary.  You’ll stay with me?”

            “As close as Rayne will allow.”

            Ethan gripped Xander’s shoulder.  “He can hold you in his arms, if you like.  Let’s move to the living room, shall we?  You two get comfortable – Rupert and I will be out shortly.  There’s a potion you’ll have to drink.”  He grinned at Xander.  “I’ll even add sugar for you.”

*********

            Fifteen minutes later, they gathered in the living room.  Spike and Xander were on the couch, Xander’s head pillowed in the blonde’s lap.  Ethan smiled at them; they really were a lovely couple.

            “You should be feeling sleepy, Alexander.  This is normal, and nothing to worry about.  Tara will be watching your aura, Spike is monitoring your heart and breathing, and Rupert is here to help with the merge.”

            “Dawnie?”

            “I’m here, Xan.  What can I do?”

            “Hold my hand and don’t freak, ’kay?”

            The teen settled on the floor by the couch and clasped Xander’s hand in hers.  “No freaking, I promise.”

            Ethan glanced at Rupert and received a nod.  They were ready.

            “All right, Alexander.  I want you to think of a place that calms and relaxes you.  Somewhere private, where no one can intrude.”

            “The clearing,” Xander murmured.

            “Describe it for me, please.”

            “It’s small, just a little clear space in the trees.  There’s a log I sit on.  I can listen to the birds, other animals; look up and see the blue sky or night stars.  Sometimes there’s a breeze, and it sounds like the trees are whispering.”

            “It sounds like a lovely place.  Safe, quiet and special.  Did you know you can create this special place on the mindpath?”

            “I can?”

            “Yes, you can, but first I’m going to join you in your special place, if that’s all right with you.  Can you see me, Alexander?”

            “Hey – you’re here.  Isn’t this place neat?”

            “It’s beautiful, my friend.  Follow me, now – I’ll guide you to the mindpath, and you’ll find your special place is there as well.”  Ethan guided Xander with words and images, until the young man was in a deep trance.

            “Now that you’re on the mindpath, Alexander, it’s time to awaken your abilities.  It’s a very simple thing to do, because this is just another part of you.  Something that’s always been there.  You’ve always been able to subconsciously sense things; now you’re going to bring that ability to the forefront of your mind.”

            Xander’s eyebrows twitched into a small frown.  “How... What do I do?”

            “Think of me – can you feel me?  Can you feel my care, my concern for you?”

            “It feels ... warm.  Like hot chocolate on a cold day.”

            “Very good; that’s a wonderful description.  Now that you can feel that, I want you to picture it.”

            “Huh?”

            “We’re connected, Alexander – all friends are.  You should be able to see that connection.  Some have described it as a cord that tethers one person to another, but you may see it as something different.  Tell me what you see.”

            “I don’t... Oh, wow.  Ribbons of color.  One that goes from me and wraps around you.  That one’s a deep green.  Your ribbon wraps around me.  It’s orange, like a sunset.  They’re sort of glowy and pretty.”

             “You’ve done very well.  When you leave the mindpath, this ability to see will remain with you.  When you need to see, call on it, and the sight will come.  I want you to relax for now.  Just rest in your clearing.  After a bit, Rupert will join us and help you merge with entities who have been part of you for so long.  Rest now.”

            Ethan opened his eyes and watched as Xander’s breathing deepened, He motioned Giles over.

            Rupert spoke quietly.  “It’s time, Xander – time to meet your friends.  That’s what they are – friends who’ve been with you a long time, protecting you and caring for you.  Can you see them?”

            “I see Soldier; he looks familiar.”  A shy smile formed on Xander’s face.  “He’s me, just older.  He says he’s proud of me and that he loves me and respects me.  Oh, so much loneliness – I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”

            “It’s all right, Xander.  Soldier knows you meant no harm.  Are you ready to join fully with him?”

            “We did; he’s here, in me.  Not lost, not lonely, always with me.”  Another smile lit his face.  “Hyena – so beautiful.  Proud and graceful and strong.  Lonely too – no more cage, I promise.  Pack, always.”  Xander’s smile faded, replaced by a frown.  “There’s someone else here, but I can’t quite see who...”

            “Relax.  He wants only to help you.  He’s been with you longer than the others.  It’s time to finally meet him.  Bring him home, Xander.”

            Xander gasped.  “Jesse?  I’m so sorry, I didn’t know, didn’t mean to – I would never hurt you.  Please, I’m sorry.”  Tears ran down his face.  He sniffled and then smiled.  “He, he doesn’t blame me.  He says he wouldn’t have wanted to be Darla’s childe.  I missed you so much, Jesse.”

            They all heard the words, spoken in Jesse’s young voice.  “I’m here, Xanman.”

            Xander’s eyes opened, and the others gasped.  “What’s wrong?  Why are you staring at me?”

            Dawn squeezed his hand and smiled at him.  “You’ve changed, Xan.  It’s a surprise, that’s all.”

            Xander turned his head and looked up into blue eyes.  Spike tightened his arms around his Pledged.

            “Ah, pet – you’re eyes are beautiful.”  He caressed the side of Xander’s face, gazing into warm brown eyes now flecked with green and hazel.  “They show all your aspects.”

            Tara produced a small mirror from her purse and held it out.  “They’re pretty, Xander – look.”

            He stared into the mirror and blinked.  “Well, that’s different.”  His bemused tone seemed to release the others, and they gathered around the couch.

            Giles rested a hand on Xander’s arm.  “How are you feeling, my boy?”

            “Um, surprisingly good.  A little weird, but good.  It’s like, before there were voices clamoring for my attention, or whispering in my head.  Now it’s... They’re still there, I can feel them, but ... everyone’s calmer, I guess.  A lot of memories to sort through, but I think ... I think that will be taken care of soon.  Maybe when I sleep.”

            Ethan added his hand to Rupert’s and nodded.  “You’re probably right.  I’m afraid we’ve more to do before you’ll get that sleep, however.”  He looked over at the witch.  “Tara, would you be so kind as to check his aura?  If that’s all right with you, Alexander?”

            “Oh, sure – bring it on, witchy woman.”

            Tara favored him with a soft smile.  “What am I looking for, Mr. Rayne?  His aura hasn’t really changed; the colors are, hmm, more vibrant?  Maybe more settled?  I don’t know how to explain what I’m seeing, but it’s good.  I don’t see anything harmful.”

            “That’s exactly what I was hoping for – thank you for your help, Tara.”

            Rayne rubbed his temples and Rupert spoke.  “Perhaps a brief rest is in order before we do anymore work.  You’re tired and tense, Ethan – I prescribe tea-and.”  Giles got up and strode to the kitchen.

            Dawn looked up.  “What’s tea-and?  Can I have some, cuz I’m starving.”

            Ethan chuckled.  “I doubt Rupert would allow you the ‘and’ – he’ll be adding a bit of whiskey to my tea.”  He rose and stretched.  “He’s quite correct, however – we could all do with a break and some refreshments.  After that, we must make plans to deal with Travers.”

*********

            Willow and Buffy walked through the cemetery, their voices quiet. Riley followed, a few yards behind them, his mind on the confrontation at the Magic Box. _Have I been that blind, again?  Is the D.A.R.T. program another Initiative?_   He sighed.  He had to find out.  Because if it was the original Initiative under a new name, he wanted out.  Completely out. _And then what?  I’ve been in the military so long, what the hell else can I do?_ He lengthened his stride and caught up with the girls. “Ladies, if you can handle the rest of patrol, I’m going to head back to base.”

            Buffy looked up, a small frown on her face.  “Sure, sweetie.  We’re ready to call it a night, anyway.”  She gave him an absent-minded peck on the cheek.  “You okay?”

            “Yep.  Just tired.  Want me to walk you back to the dorms?”

            She waved a hand.  “Nah, it’s in the other direction from where you parked.  We’ll be fine.  See you tomorrow?”

            He chewed on the inside of his cheek.  “Uh, I’m not sure.  I have some things to take care of, and then there’s a meeting with the team.”

            Buffy nodded.  “Rain check, then. I’ll call you.”

            “Sure.  Bye, Willow – be safe, you two.”  He veered off and strode away.

            Back at base, he sequestered himself in his room and used a secure, throwaway cell phone to call Graham.  Miller was his friend, first and foremost, but had declined re-enlistment.  He now lived in San Francisco, where he attended college, intent on finishing his degree in psychology.

            “Hello, Gray.  I know it’s late, but I really need to talk.  Got some time?”

*********

Xander rubbed his eyes.  “Listen, we’ve been at this for hours.  We’re all tired and not making much sense.  I know things aren’t so great with Willow and Buffy, but we can’t leave them out of this.  For one, they’d never forgive us.  Second, they’ll twig to it sooner or later; it’s too big to keep from them.  Lastly, we’ll need all the help we can get.”

            Spike raised an eyebrow.  “And what if they don’t go along with whatever plan we devise?  You know they both act first and think later.”

            “Then we improvise.”

            Ethan yawned.  “I agree with Alexander.  Besides, we have time.  I overheard Travers speaking with his men.  Apparently, he must return to England tomorrow, and will be gone for ten days.  He wants them to do nothing but watch until he returns.”  He grinned.  “Apparently, he has little trust in his recruits.  So, we do have some breathing room.”

            Spike reached over and began kneading Xander’s shoulders.  “That’s good, then.  What say we end this for tonight?  Xan’s right; we’re talking in circles.  Sleep would be a right treat, even for me.”

            Rupert nodded.  “I agree.  I’m quite glad the Magic Box is closed on Sundays – I plan on sleeping myself out once I’m home.  I suggest we all do the same.”  He stood, placing his hands against his lower back and stretching.  “Tara, are you content to remain here?  You’d be more than welcome to stay with Anya and I, if you like.”

            Tara shook her head.  “Not tonight, thank you.  I promised Dawn a movie-fest tonight.”  She smiled at the younger girl.  “And I think I need that, too.”

            Xander began collecting empty dishes and glasses.  “You know where everything is, Dawnie.  Just keep the volume down, okay?”  He walked to the kitchen and returned to find the others clearing the table.  “Just load everything in the dishwasher, okay?  That’s why I have one.”  He motioned to Rupert and Ethan, who joined him in the living room.  He opened the hall closet and grabbed a box from the shelf.

            “You’ll need to sweep your place and the Magic Box, G-man.  Ethan knows how to use this.”  He handed the box to Giles.  “And let Anya know what’s happened, okay?”

            Ethan nodded, both men gave Xander a quick hug, and he bolted the door behind them.

            He trudged back to the kitchen, started the dishwasher, and looked at the clock.  “Gah.  Another long day.  I need a vacation.”

            Tara, Dawn, and Spike looked up from putting away dishcloths and trays.  Spike pulled Xander into his arms.  “Come along, pet – time you got some rest.”  He led him toward the bedroom.  “Goodnight, ladies.  Don’t come knocking at the bedroom door, yeah?”

*********

            The next day at noon, Spike and Xander were still sleeping – or at least secluded – in the master bedroom.  Dawn and Tara were lazing by the pool, tall glasses of iced tea sweating in the mid-day heat.  Dawn’s cell phone rang, and she stretched out a lazy hand to pick it up, then frowned at the display.  “Why would Riley be calling me?  Unless—”  She flipped the phone open.  “Ri?  What’s wrong? Is Buffy all right?”  She noticed Tara sitting up and felt the gentle touch of the witch’s small hand on her shoulder.  “Oh, okay, good.  That’s good, but why are you calling me?  You, um, okay.  Well, I’d have to ask, but – Uh, probably, but I’m not sure where – Sure, I can do that.  Can I reach you on your cell?  Okay, well, um... Hold on a sec.”  She covered the mouthpiece and turned to Tara.  “Riley wants to meet with Xander.  Said it’s urgent – he found out something.  Said Xander was right, and he wants to, um, join us.  What do you think?”

            Tara tilted her head, frowning.  “He could be on the level.  Ask him if he’s willing to have a truth-tell put on him.”

            Dawn nodded.  “Riley, um, would you let us put a truth-tell on you?  All right, then.  Maybe tonight, but like I said, I have to check.  Okay, I’ll call you later.  Bye.”

            Dawn hung up and sighed.  “He agreed.  Should I wake Xander and Spike?”

            Tara bit her lip.  “They were so tired, especially Xander.  If Spike wants to come along, it would have to be later, anyway.  No, we’ll let them sleep.  Maybe you could call Mr. Giles and let him know?”

            “Good idea.”

*********

            After hearing about the phone call, everyone agreed that they needed to meet with Riley.  Giles summed it up.  “It may well be that he’s double-dealing in some way, but since we’re prepared for that eventuality, I doubt we’re in much danger from him.”

            Xander nodded.  “I agree with you on that, Giles.  Where do we meet, though?  If he isn’t being straight with us, I don’t want him knowing where my place is. The Magic Shop is out, cuz Buff or Willow could pop in – same for any of our normal meeting places.”

            Ethan stepped forward.  “We can hold the, ah, interview at my place.  Rupert and Riley could meet somewhere public and then drive to my house.  I doubt Mr. Finn or his superiors have any idea of where I live.”

            They’d set up the meet, devised an elaborate plan for tailing Giles and Riley to make sure they weren’t followed by any commandos, and now were gathered in Ethan’s living room, listening as the mage and watcher questioned the soldier.

            Riley’s voice shook.  “I swear, I didn’t know. I thought they were done with the experiments and the narrow-minded view of demons. We’ve all seen that demons come in all kinds, just like humans.  Some good, some bad. I thought D.A.R.T. was formed to deal with overt threats, not to – fuck, how could I be so stupid? They fed me the same damn story, and I swallowed it like a good soldier.”

            Ethan sighed.  “Tara, you can lift the spell now.” The glow around Riley faded and Ethan patted the commando’s shoulder. “At least you realize the truth now.  What was your turning point?”

            “Gray – Graham Miller.  He and I go back to boot camp, and I trust the man.  When the D.A.R.T. program came up, he refused to join.  Left the military, in fact, and urged me to do the same.  I thought I could still make a difference.  I called him last night, told him what was happening, what I was worried about, and he... Well, he told me I was an idiot, and I needed to get out of the unit asap.  He... If he was concerned, I figured I should look into things.  So, I dug into some computer files and... Well, you know what I found out.  Experiments, drugs, mind-control – nothing’s changed but the names.”

            Xander tilted his head and studied the soldier. “What will you do now? Can you just get out?  Don’t you have to finish your hitch, or something?”

            “D.A.R.T. is composed entirely of volunteers.  There’s a high burnout rate, and an equally high number of possible recruits.  Any member who wants to leave, can.  Immediate dishcharge, with honors.  No questions asked.”  Riley chewed on a thumbnail.  “So, yeah, I could just leave.  But, if I can be more help from the inside, I’ll stay.”

            Xander looked around the room.  The others were considering the offer, he could tell. He shook his head.  “No.  You did that once, and look what it cost you.  I won’t make you do that again.  You want out?”

            Riley’s shoulders slumped.  “I ... yeah, I want out.  I just... I thought I’d make the offer, but–”

            “Then you get out, Ri.  We can do this without you on the inside.”  Xander shrugged.  “Hell, it’s not like we’re planning on taking on the government again, anyway.  Got enough on our plate with this latest batch of bad guys.  You get your life squared away, okay?”

            Riley nodded.  “Yeah, sure.  It’s just... What the hell do I tell Buffy?”

*********

            Giles rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Well, we know more than we did, although I’m not sure it helps.”  They were back at Xander’s house, once more gathered in the dining room.

            Xander stared at the table.  “We know Riley didn’t turn us in to his bosses.  Which – very cool, although I almost feel sorry for the schmuck.  He was used by everyone he trusted – _again_.  Still, that doesn’t tell us what Travers will try next, why Buffy won’t listen to anyone but herself, or why Willow is so intent on using magic for everything.  There’s something else at work here.”

            Dawn frowned.  “Maybe Buffy’s more stubborn now because she’s survived so long when most slayers are lucky to last a year.  Or maybe when you guys joined with her to beat Adam, something else slipped in.  Or maybe the battle with Glory was too much for her.  Willow super-powered her for that, too, remember?  It could be some sort of magical backlash.”

            “Or maybe Red just bolloxed something up – again.”

            “Yeah, but none of those ideas explain everything.  Like Sunnydale itself.”  Xander chewed on his lip.  “Giles, how many Slayers have been stationed at a hellmouth for six years?”

            “Slayers aren’t generally ‘stationed’ anywhere, Xander.  The Council sends them to various hot spots as needed.  They seldom have a home, although they do return to Watcher Headquarters for periodic training and debriefing.”

            “Spike, you said no true vamp society exists here because a hellmouth can twist a demon’s nature.”  At Spike’s nod, Xander turned to Giles.  “Who says just demons are affected?  Could that be what’s wrong with Buffy and Willow?”  He stood and began to pace back and forth, his head lowered.  “The damn thing does _something_ to the people around here, otherwise they’d never accept the idea of gangs on PCP, wild animal attacks, and accidents with barbecue forks – I mean, how lame is that?  And why hasn’t the media outside town ever investigated Sunnydale’s abnormally high death and missing person’s rate?  It gets mentioned as an anomaly, but that’s it – no follow-up reports or in-depth interviews with residents.”

            He stopped in front of Giles and stared at the older man.  “In the past we’ve joked about it being something in the water, but what if we’re right?  Maybe not the water, but maybe the hellmouth puts out vibes, or emits some sort of gas.  It’s like that line from _The Shining_ , by Stephen King; _‘this inhuman place makes human monsters.’_   I bet, if you looked up statistics for domestic violence, you’d find Sunnydale blowing the curve there, too.”  He continued pacing, his thoughts racing.  “Your average human gets a dose of mental blinders.  People who snap easier are pushed into violence toward others.  And I wonder how our happy little town fares in the suicide and depression ratio per capita.”

            Giles polished his glasses, a frown on his face.  “Even if you’re right – and I suspect you are – I’m not sure how this relates to Buffy and Willow.”

            Ethan leaned forward.  “Those who use magic draw on the earth, the elements, and the very currents in the air.  If such things are tainted by the hellmouth—”

            Rupert nodded. “Then an inexperienced user could be tainted as well.  And Willow is – or was, at one time – inexperienced.  But then, what of Tara?  I’ve not seen any evidence that her magic is, er, impinged upon by the hellmouth.”

            Tara’s quiet voice drew their attention.  “I didn’t learn it here.  I was trained by my mother, and my abilities grew in a normal environment.  I know I’m still learning, but my foundation wasn’t built here.”

            Giles pointed at a chair.  “Sit, Xander.”  He waited until the young man was settled and then continued.  “I think you may be onto something.  However, I’m puzzled as to why Spike isn’t affected.”

            Dawn spoke up.  “He’s a master vampire and he’s only spent a tiny portion of his unlife here.  And that was long after he became a master.  So maybe he’s just strong enough to overcome the effects, or not be influenced at all.”

            “Ta, pet.”  He smiled at the girl.  “Bit’s right, Watcher.  I can sense the evil of the place, but I don’t let it in.  ‘S why Angelus went so nuts when the curse broke.  Even though he hadn’t been here that long, with only half his nature in control, he wasn’t strong enough to resist.  He struggled while the soul was in charge; when his demon came to the fore, it was too much to handle.”  He glanced at Giles, an apology in his eyes.

            Rupert nodded.  “Yes, well, we needn’t go on about that.  Let’s deal with the current problem, shall we?”

            “Could we place a shielding spell around Buffy and Willow?  Something to protect them from the influence?”  Tara ducked her head.  “I don’t like to perform magic on people without their consent, but...”

            Xander sighed.  “But right now, they wouldn’t consent because they can’t see the need.”  He rubbed his temples.  “Ethan, Giles – would something like that work?”

            Ethan pursed his lips.  “I don’t think it would undo the damage, but it should prevent any further manipulation.  Rupert?”

            “I agree.  Their current attitudes would take time to overcome, but it could be done.  Not, however, while the hellmouth still holds sway over them.”  He drummed his fingers on the table.  “We’ll need to research the spell.  Tara, would you be willing to help with that?”

            “Oh.  Well, sure, but... How are we going to do this without Buffy and Willow finding out?  I... I can’t lie to either of them.”  Her lips trembled and she looked down. “I haven’t even been returning Willow’s calls.  She’d want to know where I am, and I haven’t wanted to put Xander on the spot, but—”

            Ethan patted her hand.  “Perhaps you could stay with me in the meantime.  I’m sure Rupert won’t mind coming over now and then, and it would make any brainstorming sessions on shielding Miss Summers and Miss Rosenberg much easier.”

            Giles smiled.  “Of course I don’t mind. Ethan and I have recently strengthened the wards on his home, so you’ll be quite safe there.”

            Tara glanced at Spike and Xander.  “Please don’t be offended, but I’d like to do this.  I’ve enjoyed staying with you two, but it’ll only make the situation with Willow and Buffy worse for you if they find out.”  She gave them a wicked grin.  “Besides, you’ll be newlyweds soon, and shouldn’t have to put up with a guest.”

            Rupert’s shrewd gaze fell on Spike and Xander.  “Is there something you neglected to tell me, gentlemen?”

            Xander blushed.  “No, not... I mean, we haven’t... Spike and I aren’t—”

            The vampire snorted.  “I think you broke him, Watcher.  What he’s trying to say is I’ve asked him to be my Mate and he accepted.  Just haven’t set the date, yet.”  He curled his fingers around Xander’s.

            “Um, yeah, what Spike said.”  Xander tightened his hand around Spike’s.  “Are you okay with this, G-man?  Not gonna blow a gasket or anything, right?”

            “I know something about what it means to be the mate of a master vampire, Xander.  I shan’t ‘blow a gasket’ as you so eloquently put it.  I do, however, have three things to say.”  He placed a hand on Xander’s shoulder.  “First, my congratulations to you both.  Second, should you need a witness, I would be proud to stand with you.”  He turned frosty eyes to Spike.  “Third, should you hurt my son, I’ll show you why the name Ripper evokes fear in demon hearts.”

            “Giles!  He won’t hurt me!”

            “Fret not, Sweetness – he’s just looking out for you.  To be expected, yeah?  Good to know you think so highly of my Pledged, Rupert.  I accept your warning in the spirit in which it’s given – you’ve no need to worry on that score.  I’d go to my final death before I’d harm Xander.”  He stood, pulling Xander up with him.  “Now then, I think we’ve all got things to think on, yeah?  What say we call this meeting done, and you folks toddle off to your homes?”

            Ethan nodded.  “Indeed.  Are you ready, Tara?”

            “I’ll just grab my things.” The blonde witch hurried to her room, quickly returning with her things.

            After a whispered conversation with Spike, Xander glanced over at Giles.  “G-man, when I tie the knot with Blondie – I’d like you to be there.”  He gazed at Dawn, Tara, and Ethan.  “All of you.”

            Ethan pulled Xander into a brief hug.  “We’d be honored.”

            Xander smiled and Spike nodded.  “Right – best be soon, pet.  I know we talked about takin’ our time, but with this battle coming up, I want you to have all the protection I can give you.  My mark may not scare off every demon in town, but it’ll give ‘em pause – and that might count for a lot right now.”  He stuck his hands in his pockets and tilted his head.  “Know it’s a rush—”

            Xander pulled the vampire close and planted a firm kiss on cool lips.  “Actually, it sounds perfect.  How quickly can Angel get down here to perform the ritual?”

            Dawn clouted Xander on the shoulder.  “Hey, buster!  If you think you’ll get by without inviting Mom, think again.  She’d be mondo disappointed. She’ll be back tomorrow night; you two lovebirds can wait that long.”  She grinned.  “Spike, call Angel.  Mr. Giles can call Anya. I get to call Mom.”  She bounced out of the room.

            Xander blinked.  “Uh – what just happened?”

            Ethan smirked.  “Young Miss Summers has taken over, gentlemen; I suggest you just go along for the ride.”


	8. Chapter Seven

            Two days later, Xander and Spike rested on the couch while they waited for Angel to arrive.  Xander was in that twilight stage, not asleep, but not quite awake.  He could hear Joyce, Dawn, and Tara chatting in the kitchen, their quiet voices comforting.  Giles, Ethan, and Anya shared brandy and a quiet conversation by the fireplace. Spike’s presence at his back was a constant reassurance.  He was nervous and excited, the emotions of the others like a low hum of electricity in his mind.  Still, it was nice.  The low buzz of conversation and his Pledged’s arms around him.  The smell of leather and copper – all these things combined to soothe him.

            He felt Spike stiffen, yawned, and sat up.  “Company?”

            “Angel’s here, but he’s not alone.  Don’t recognize the other’s scent.”

            Xander crossed to the door and opened it, raising an eyebrow at Angel’s companion.  “I see you brought a guest.”

            “Oh, this is Doyle.  He’s a seer and helps me work for the Powers that Be.”

            Xander waved his hand, admitting them to the house. “So, Doyle – you been working with Deadboy long?”

            The green-eyed man snickered.  “Deadboy?  Something tells me you and Angel aren’t, uh, close.”

            Xander laughed.  “We’ve shared a moment or two.”  Xander touched Doyle’s shoulder as he passed and spoke quietly.  “I need to speak with you, later, and privately.  It’s important.” Doyle gave him a startled look, but nodded.

            Angel strode over to Spike and cupped his face with one hand in a tender gesture.  “William.  It’s good to see you again, brother.  Especially for such an occasion.”  His thumb stroked the sharp cheekbone and he leaned his forehead against Spike’s.  “I brought the robes and chalice; I didn’t know if you wanted a traditional bonding ceremony or not.”

            Spike ducked his head, but not before Xander saw the small, pleased smile.  “That was ... thoughtful of you, Liam.  Yes, I’d like the traditional ceremony.  D’ya mind, pet?”

            Xander nipped a pale earlobe.  “Whatever you want.”

            “Traditional it is, then.”

            Angel smiled.  “Have you told Xander the words he’ll have to say, and what he has to do?”

            Xander nodded.  “Spike coached me.”

            “Good.  Give me about ten minutes to set it up and talk with the others, and then we’ll begin.  We’ll want to clear some space for the circles.”  He paused, then looked at Xander.  “Would you mind if Spike helps me bring in what we need?”

            “Sure.  Doyle can help me move the dining room furniture, if that works for you.”

            “Uh, well... Doyle?”

            The smaller man waved him off.  “Go on with ya and see to yer kin.  I’ll be fine.”

            Xander waited until Angel and Spike were outside and then led Doyle to the dining room.  After they’d shifted the furniture, he steered the other man to the kitchen, opened the freezer, and pulled out four bags of blood.  “Heat this up for the vamps; they’re going to be biting me, so I want them well-fed.”

            He leaned against the counter and watched the other man.  When the microwave was humming, he spoke.  “Does Angel know you’re half demon, and completely in love with him?”

            “What are you... How did you... Huh?”

            Xander chuckled.  “Eloquent, too.  I’m an empath.  Wasn’t trying to intrude, but you’re putting out some strong vibes.  As for knowing you’re part demon, that goes with the empath package.  Can’t tell what type, but I know it isn’t violent per se.”

            “Uh, no.  I’m half Bracchen.”  He shrugged.  “Doesn’t seem to do much but surprise people when I shift, and give me a bit of added strength and healing.”  He chewed on the inside of his mouth.  “Angel knows about that.  He... I... There’s no point in tellin’ him how I feel, is there?  I mean, he loves that Buffy girl.”

            Xander snorted and opened his mouth to reply.  The door opened, letting in the two vampires, and Xander raised his voice.  “Angel, you incredibly dense and morose idiot.  Get over here.”

            Both vampires sped to the kitchen – Spike to his boy’s side, and Angel to Doyle’s.  “What’s wrong?  What did Doyle say to upset you?”

            “Wasn’t Doyle, Blondie.  Angel, do you ever plan to tell this man just how you feel about him?  Don’t even bother to deny it – I can feel it.  Hell, I can practically see your soul and demon reaching for him.  Geez, Broodboy, buy a vowel, fill in the blanks, open your fucking eyes!  If you don’t, I swear I’ll lock you two in a room, and you won’t come out until I say so.”  He headed for the living room, pulling Spike with him and muttering as they left.  “Damn sexual tension’s like a fog in here.  Got enough of that on my own, thank you very much.  Morons.”

            Spike was laughing as he trailed behind Xander.  “Life won’t be boring with you around, pet.  I imagine Angel’s feeling as if he was run over by a truck, about now.”

            “Might take a truck to get the message through his thick skull.”  But he grinned at his vampire.

            Ethan approached them, smiling at the banter.  “Alexander, I took the liberty of leaving a gift in your room.”

            “A gift?  For what?”  He heard Spike snicker behind him.  “What do you know about this, Fang?”

            “Just a hunch, luv.  Silence spell, perchance?”

            Ethan inclined his head.  “Sound and scent, Spike.  No sense offending Broodboy’s delicate nose.”

            Xander felt a blush spread from his neck to his face.  “Oh.  Uh, thank you?”  He cleared his throat.  “I mean, thank you, Ethan.”

            “How long will it last, mate?  One night might not be enough.”  Spike smirked at the mage.

            Ethan’s chuckle was every bit as wicked as Spike’s could be.  “Twenty-four hours, but it can be renewed whenever you wish.  I anchored it to a crystal.  Simply touch it and say _tranquille_ whenever you want an extra measure of privacy.”  He turned away and then stopped.  “Oh, it’s only one-way.  You’ll still be able to hear and smell whatever you normally would.  Can’t have you unaware of what goes on in your home.”

            Angel pulled two robes and a small bottle of oil from a bag.  “William, it’s time.  You and Xander need to bathe, anoint each other, and dress.  I’ll explain the ritual to the others, including their parts, and have everything ready when you return.”

*********

            Spike led Xander to the bathroom and started the shower.  Once the water temperature was regulated, he turned to the mortal.  Xander was trembling, but he scented no fear, just nervousness.  Spike stripped his own clothes off and reached for his love.  “C’mere, pet.  Let’s get your kit off, yeah?  Then a quick shower, and I’ll show you how this anointing with oil goes.”

            “O-okay.  Spike?  I’m a little embarrassed, here.  I mean, you’re so damn sexy and perfect, and I’m just ... me.”

            “Yeah, just you.  Just bloody gorgeous you.”  He removed Xander’s clothes and turned him to face the mirror over the sink.  “Look at you, my mate.  Beautiful hair and warm, tan skin.  Strong shoulders, strong arms.  Scars, yeah, but you’ve earned them.  They’re battle scars, showing the world my mate’s no one to trifle with.”  He stroked the warm jaw and neck.  “Look at your eyes, warm, loving, and kind.  All you are shows in your eyes.  Look at that jawline – strength there, too.  Makes up his own mind, my mate does.  Your neck embodies power and grace.”  He moved his fingers down to the juncture of neck and shoulder.  “Gonna place my mark there, where it’ll be just under the collar.  Can show it or hide it as you please, cuz I know you aren’t ashamed of me.  You’re proud of me and proud that both demon and soul want and love you.”  He tugged Xander into the shower and began washing him.  “Yeah, pet – you’re just you.  And it’s you I love.”

            They bathed each other with gentle swipes that were reverent and solemn.  When they were clean, Xander turned off the water and they each grabbed a towel, using it to dry the other.  Xander finally removed his amulet, and set it carefully on the counter.

            Spike opened the bottle of oil, sniffed delicately, and nodded.  “Takes just a tiny bit, yeah?  Like this.”  He tipped a pea-sized drop into his palm, set the bottle down, and rubbed his hands together.  “Close your eyes, pet.”  When Xander did, Spike slid his hands over Xander’s face, down his neck, and continued on.  The small amount he’d used completely coated Xander’s upper body, front and back.

            Xander inhaled and nearly groaned.  The oil smelled spicy and sweet – like freshly baked ginger snaps, or maybe cinnamon rolls.  “Oh my god and how can anything smell so good?  It’s like all my favorite foods.  I can almost smell the sun, and something ... like the high grasses in Africa.”

            Spike chuckled.  “It’s special, luv.”  He poured another drop of oil into his hand and bent to anoint his mate’s lower half.  “Picks up a person’s own scent and sort of ... hmm ... distills and magnifies it.  What you smell is your essence.  And you’re a nummy treat, right enough.”  He finished oiling Xander and stood, holding the bottle out to the mortal.  “Your turn.”

            Xander followed Spike’s example, keeping his touch light.  He felt the cool flesh warm under his fingers, and smelled Spike’s scent getting stronger.  Rich loam, copper ... and now he could identify that final aroma, the one that had puzzled him.  Ozone.  Spike smelled like the air after a flash of lightning, or a good, strong rain.

            Finished with the oil, he capped the bottle and placed it safely on a shelf.  They dressed in the black satin robes Angel had provided, and left the bathroom.

*********

            The ritual itself was simple and straightforward.  Lack of frills, however, did not denote lack of power, and Angel could feel the magic gathering and building in the house.  Dressed in another black robe, he drew two sacred circles, the outer one with herbs and the inner with colored sand.  He lit six tall candles, and six votives.  The votives he set under warming racks, into which he placed shallow bowls filled with scented oil.  By the time Spike and Xander entered the living room, it was filled with flickering light and the scent of spices, summer grass, and rich loam.

            Angel guided them into the inner circle and motioned the others to take their places in the outer circle.  He closed both circles, ending up standing before Xander and Spike.  “Claimants, speak.”

            “I, William James Pembroke, known as William the Bloody, now known as Spike, wish to claim Alexander Harris as my eternal mate.”

            Spike stepped back, and Xander took his place.  “I, Alexander LaVelle Harris, wish to claim Spike as my eternal mate.”

            Angel nodded.  “Have we witnesses?”

            “I am Doyle, seer and friend.  I will witness.”

            “I am Ethan, mage and teacher.  I will witness.”

            “I am Anyanka, now human and friend.  I will witness.”

            “I am Tara, white witch and friend.  I will witness.”

            “I am Rupert, watcher and father.  I will witness.”

            “I am Joyce, human and mother.  I will witness.”

            “I am Dawn, the Key and sister.  I will witness.”

            Angel placed a hand on each man’s shoulder.  “You both enter this binding freely?”

            “We do.”

            “You both accept that the only release from the binding is death?”

            “We do.”

            “As head of the clan of Aurelius, I grant my approval and blessing to this claiming.  Witnesses?”

            Those in the outer circle spoke as one.  “Heard and witnessed.”

            “Spike, prepare your claimed.”

            Spike moved behind Xander and bared the mortal’s right shoulder.  Xander held his left hand out to Angel.  Angel smiled at him, picked up an ornate knife, and quickly slashed a line into Xander’s palm.  He held the chalice under the cut, catching the blood as it dripped.  Finally, he nodded to Spike, who pulled Xander’s hand to his mouth and licked the wound closed.

            “William, my brother, claim your mate.”

            Xander’s head was tipped back, resting on Spike’s left shoulder.  Spike had been stroking the bared neck, crooning softly to his love.  At Angel’s words, he bent his head and reverently, gently, bit into the firm muscle.  He took a small taste of the human’s blood and then lifted his head.

            Angel lowered his mouth to Xander’s neck and sucked strongly at the punctures.  He allowed himself a single swallow, enough to seal the taste of Spike’s mate in his memory.  He raised his head and smiled again.  “Alexander, prepare your claimant.”

            Xander repeated the steps Spike had taken, and after Spike had allowed Angel to cut his hand, bit strongly into Spike’s neck.  Again, Angel merely sucked at the wound.

            Angel cut his own hand, added his blood to the chalice, and gave the chalice to Xander.  “Drink, Alexander, and pass the cup to Spike.”  Eyes wide, Xander took a drink of the mixed blood and handed the chalice over.  Spike did the same, and returned it to Angel.

            Angel drained the chalice.  “As head of the clan of Aurelius, I honor this claim, and welcome Alexander Harris as Spike’s eternal Mate.  Witnesses?”

Again, the others responded as one.  “Heard and witnessed.”

            Angel opened both circles, allowed everyone to step out, and then pulled the two men into a rough hug.  “Be happy, my brothers.  ‘Tis a rare gift ye’ve both been given; see that ye treat it with respect.”

            Xander lowered his eyes.  “Thank you, Angel.”

            Spike nodded.  “Yes, thank you, Liam.  But if your brogue gets any thicker, no one’ll be able to understand you.  Next, he’ll be speaking Gaelic, and singing them damn Irish drinking songs.”  Spike winked, and Xander laughed.

            Angel chuckled.  “Get on wit’ ye, William.  See to your lad, and see to him well.  I’ll be taking mine and heading home.  Unless you need me to stay and help break the news.”

            Xander smiled.  “Nah, bro ... we can handle it.”  He laughed when Angel’s mouth dropped open.  “Okay, that was worth the price of admission.  Don’t worry Angel ... I won’t make a habit of calling you bro.”

            Angel shook his head.  “Take him to bed, Spike.  If he can still joke afterward, you’re losing your touch.”  He squeezed Xander’s shoulder.  “And thank you for ... opening my eyes to what’s in front of me.  I’ll ... rectify the situation.”

            Joyce and Dawn hugged everyone and said their goodbyes.  “I cleaned up the kitchen, boys.  One less thing for you to worry about.”

            Giles, Tara, and Ethan followed the Summers women.  Tara turned to Spike. “You’re good for him.  See that you stay that way.  Even a white witch can cause damage, you know.”

            Spike kissed her cheek and chuckled.  “Know that quite well, pet.  No need to worry; wouldn’t hurt ‘im for the world, would I?”

            Doyle had helped Angel pack up the supplies, and was loading them into the car.  Angel watched the others leave and turned to Xander, frowning.  “I noticed the absence of Buffy and Willow.  Are they not taking this well?”

            “It’s nothing to worry about, Angel.  Just a ... misunderstanding.  It’ll get straightened out.  You don’t need to get involved ... I don’t want you and Buffy to lock horns.”

            Angel tipped his head to the side.  “If you say so.  Just remember, Xander – you’re family now.  And family comes first, always.  I forgot that for a while, but never again.”  He heard Doyle enter the house and hugged them both again.  “I’m off – keep in touch, okay?”  He leveled a firm gaze at Spike, who nodded.  Message received, Angel thought.  He’ll call me tomorrow and fill me in.  Satisfied, he curved an arm around Doyle’s shoulder and left.

*********

            Spike led them into the bedroom, stopped at the side of the bed, and turned.  “Nervous, luv?”

            “Um, a little.  Mostly I feel ... buzzed, sort of.  Full of energy, and, um...”

            “Horny as hell?”  Spike laughed.  “Not to worry.  That’s the blood of two master vampires in you.  Quite the rush, yeah?”

            “Oh, yeah.  Guess it’s good it’s just this once, huh?  Gotta be illegal to feel this great.”

            “Well, just the once for Angel’s blood.  You and I, we’ll be sharing sips from now through eternity.  Strengthens the bond ... and it’s damned good fun, besides.”

            “You aren’t wrong.” Xander tipped his head to the side.  “And I feel something ... more.  Kinda hard to describe, but... it’s like a warm hand on my head, or a sense of ... something.”

            Spike raised a hand and stroked Xander’s cheek.  “It’s the Mate Bond.  Not complete yet – but beginning to make itself known.  Something special, innit?” He sucked on Xander’s earlobe.

            “Uhh, special, yeah.”

            Spike nuzzled behind Xander’s ear and took a deep breath, pulling in the scent of sun, cinnamon, sugar, and grass that his brain labeled Xander.  The soul considered his choice of partners a good one – Xander was strong, brave, loving, and loyal.  The demon put it in simpler terms.  _Mate.  Mine._

            Xander caressed Spike’s cheekbone with his fingers, drifted them over the shell of one ear and into the bleached strands behind it.  “I love your hair and the way it curls when you’ve just washed it.”  He moved closer, sniffed lightly, and smiled.  “Love the way you smell.  Like no one else.  Most vamps smell like decaying earth – you smell like freshly turned loam, blood, and rain.  Crisp, like ozone.”  He ghosted his hands over Spike’s torso.  “Love the way you feel – muscles like steel cords, covered with skin like satin.”

            Spike growled.  “Didn’t your parents teach you not to tease the animals?”  He set his mouth against his claim mark and began licking it, knowing it would send jolts to Xander’s cock.

            “The only thing my parents taught me was to keep away from drunks.”  He shivered.  “That feels... oh god... yes.”  Xander’s head fell back and lolled loosely on his neck.

            Spike’s growl deepened.  “Bed.  Now.”  He tumbled them both to the mattress, landing on top of his mate.  He released Xander long enough to undress and grab the tube of lubricant he’d placed on the nightstand.  When he turned back to the bed, he froze.  Xander had removed his own robe and was reclining on his side.  His head was propped in one hand – the other hand was lazily stroking his erection.

            Spike took a deep breath.  “Bloody fucking gorgeous.  You’re beautiful – and you’re mine.”

            Xander’s cheeks flushed, but his gaze didn’t waver.  “And you’re perfection.  Love you, jolis yeux azurs.”

            Spike smiled.  “Love you, pet.  Gonna make love to you now; show you how good it can be.  Gonna finish the claim, luv; make you mine, completely. And then, you’ll make me yours.”

            Spike began with a kiss that started off tender, but turned possessive.  By scent and sound, he kept track of Xander’s reactions.  He had to make this good for his mate and still satisfy his own demon’s need to assert its rights.

            He let his hands roam over Xander’s warm, brown skin while his lips and tongue mapped out his lover’s mouth.  He touched everywhere, kissed every part of his mate’s body, and thrilled to the needy whimpers, groans, and breathless words that tumbled from Xander’s lips.  He teased Xander’s brown nipples to aching hardness, nipped lightly at his mate’s thighs, and tugged at the trail of hair that arrowed down Xander’s quivering belly.  Finally, able to wait no longer, Spike coated his fingers with lube.

            He slid one finger into tight, wet heat, elated at the eager lift of Xander’s hips.  Another followed, and then a third, and Xander whimpered his need into Spike’s ear.  Spike turned his mate with gentle hands, and Xander rolled easily onto his back, lifted his legs, and wrapped them around Spike’s hips.

            Spike groaned as he slowly sheathed himself in his Xander’s body. “Bloody hell – like a furnace, you are.”  He slid his cock out and then in, angling for Xander’s prostate.  When he found it, Xander answered with a squeak and a trembling sigh of pleasure.

            “Oh, fuck, yes.  Didn’t know – _god_ – it could be so good. Fill me, Spike; make me yours.  So right, so perfect.”

            They leaned into a kiss, meeting halfway, no words needed.  The only sounds were their sighs, moans, and whimpers.

            Xander rolled his hips, eyes open and locked on Spike's.  Spike thrust gently, matching his lover's rhythm without effort, and kept sliding in and out of tight, wet heat.  He lowered his head and mouthed at the claim mark on Xander’s shoulder.  A shudder and a groan were his reward.  Sweat beaded on Xander’s forehead, formed runnels from temple to jaw, and Spike chased it down with his tongue.  It tasted of his mate, love, and life.

            Spike didn’t want it to end, although he began to pant in his need for release.  “I could love you like this for hours, pet – and one day, I will.  But right now, I’m going to complete my claim.”  He leaned forward and allowed his belly to slide back and forth over his lover's shaft. He thrust harder and faster, knowing the added speed and stimulation would be enough to bring Xander to orgasm.

            He felt that long, thick shaft twitch and swell, even as his own twitched within Xander’s tight, hot channel.  Xander's head dropped back even as Spike's lunged forward.  One final, deep push into wet silk, one final slide over rigid heat, and Spike bit deep, renewing his mark.  They cried out together with a scream and a roar as their climaxes ripped through them.

            Shaking, trembling, and panting, Spike collapsed onto Xander’s chest.  Warm arms wrapped tightly around him and a strong hand caressed his back.  He was still hard inside Xander, they were still joined, and he tucked his head under Xander’s chin, relishing the connection.  There was one step more to finish the claim, but for now, he basked in the most magnificent afterglow he’d ever felt.

*********

            Xander woke from his doze and grinned.  His ass ached, his muscles were like overcooked spaghetti, he could feel bruises forming on his hips – and he’d never felt better or more loved in his life.  He wrapped his arms around Spike, rolled them until he was gazing down at beautiful, blue eyes, and smiled. 

            “You smell wonderful, Jolis.  You smell like home, and love.”  Xander planted a line of kisses down Spike's neck.  His teeth fastened briefly on Spike's shoulder.  “What do you need?  I know I have to bite you again, but I don’t... What would make you and your demon happy?  How can I make it perfect for you?”

            Spike sucked in a sharp breath.  “Take me hard, Sweetness.  Make me scream, make me beg – make me know, without a doubt, that I belong to you.”

            Xander gazed at his vampire and listened to the hyena in his head.  _Want.  Take. Claim as ours, as Mate_. He gave a sharp nod.

            “On your back, hands under your head.”  Xander's voice was firm and he let the hyena bleed through.  “You don’t touch anything until I say so.”

            Ten minutes later, Spike was writhing under the assault of Xander’s lips and teeth on his neck and chest.  Xander knew the marks he left on Spike’s pale skin would fade quickly, but he didn’t care.  They showed _now_ , purple on white, brands of possession.  Twenty more minutes passed, and now Spike was pleading for Xander touch to his dick.  Some endless time after that, he was on his hands and knees, cock hard and dripping, the foreskin pulled tightly back.  He begged for more, harder, deeper, faster, and he got it.

            Xander brought him to the brink three times, and denied him relief each time.  Xander felt the shudders that wracked Spike's body and his own, and knew he couldn’t hold out much longer.

            He hoped he’d done enough to satisfy Spike’s demon.  He groaned each time he withdrew from Spike’s quivering sheath.  He made sure every thrust in stroked his vampire’s prostate, and rejoiced at the deep-throated growls he drew from Spike.

            “Want to come? Need to?”  Xander’s voice was harsh and rasping.

            “Yes, luv, please, _now_.”

            He replied with a volley of quick, hard jabs that pushed Spike closer to the edge. Xander pulled almost all the way out, rammed himself back in to the root, and bit down hard at the mark on Spike’s shoulder.  “Oh, shit, yes."  Xander’s voice was rough and raw.

            Spike voiced a long, loud scream and pressed back as his cock jerked and spurted his climax.  Xander’s hands slipped off Spike’s hips, and his full weight fell onto Spike’s back.  For a split second, the world grayed out, and when Spike collapsed onto the mattress, Xander went down with him and slithered limply to the side. Spike rolled over and gazed at him, eyes wide, mouth open and panting.

            Xander gazed into blue-gold eyes sparkling with passion, and felt Spike's love and acceptance flood his mind as the last connection between them was forged. 

*********

            Spike lazed in the bed, Xander nestled against his chest and secure in his embrace.  They’d spent the past three days sequestered in their home, barely leaving the bedroom.  He grinned.  _And what a wonderful three days.  Want more, don’t I? Still, Rupert said Travers would be back tonight. Wanna get that sorted.  Then we’ll continue the honeymoon._

            He looked at the clock, grimaced, and stroked Xander’s cheek.  “Wakey, wakey, pet.”  He combed his fingers through the thick, soft, dark hair.

            The warm body shifted against his.  “Mmph.  Don’t wanna move.  Comfy.”

            “C’mon now, nearly time for the meeting.”  Xander sighed, warm air puffed over Spike’s throat, and the vampire bit back a groan.  He sat up straighter, pushing Xander away a bit.  “Unless you’d rather say sod it, and stay in.”

            Xander rubbed fisted hands over his eyes, childlike in his half-awake state.  “Stay in?”  He yawned.  “Sounds good, but not smart.  Gotta take down Travers.  Once he’s history, we can play hermit for days, if you want.”  He leaned closer, brown eyes cautious, but hopeful.  “Not a dream?”

            Spike placed a gentle kiss on those soft lips.  “Only the kind that comes true, luv.  And you’re right.  Once we’re done with this cockup, we’ll take some time for ourselves.  Make some plans for our future, yeah?  We can’t spend the rest of our lives here.  The hellmouth will tear us apart, one way or another.”

            “I can’t just leave them; they’re my friends, and their fight is too important to ignore. Besides, we agreed to help out, remember?”

            “Not saying ya should move to another state.  But there’s phones and such.  They could call us when they need extra help.  Don’t have to move too far – just out of range of the influence, so to speak.  But we’ll talk on that later, pet.”  He nuzzled into the fragrant skin of his mate’s neck before pulling away.  “Wash your face and get your kit on.  Sooner we get there, sooner this mess is done, yeah?”

*********

            Xander and Spike entered the Magic Box and winced at the raised voices that greeted them.  Willow and Buffy were faced off against Riley, barely allowing the man to say a word.  Their voices overlapped, making it impossible to understand their words.  Their attitudes, however, were clear.  They were both bristling with anger.

            “Whoa.  I feel for the man.”  Xander kept his voice quiet, knowing Spike would hear him.

            “Hmm.  Not sure I’d go that far.  Never liked the git, m’self.  Still, this won’t get what we need done, will it?”

            “Nope.  Time to break up the showdown.”  Xander put thumb and finger to his lips and whistled.  The shrill sound cut through the hectoring voices and brought a moment of silence.  Before Buffy and Willow could draw breath to continue their harangue, Xander spoke. “Enough of this shit! Whatever the problem is, synchronized screaming isn’t gonna solve it.”

            Buffy whirled around and transferred her glare to Xander.  “You! You had something to do with this, I know you did.”

            Xander raised an eyebrow.  “What ‘this’ did I have something to do with?”

            Buffy jerked a hand in Riley’s direction.  “He’s leaving the military! Giving up a good career, just because he doesn’t agree with every little thing they do.  He’s throwing away a perfectly good future, and I know you talked him into it somehow.”

            Xander shook his head at Riley’s wince.  “Way to support your man, Buff.  Nothing like saying he’s a weak-minded person to show your love.”

            “What? I didn’t—”

            Giles sighed.  “Buffy, do shut up.  No one talked Riley into anything.  He’s perfectly capable of making intelligent, rational decisions on his own.  The fact that his superiors have consistently lied to him about D.A.R.T.’s mission is reason enough to resign his commission. I’m equally certain he has plans that will secure a promising future for him.”

            Riley nodded.  “Thanks, Mr. Giles; I’ve been trying to tell them, but I couldn’t break through the static.”  He straightened his shoulders. “Yes, I’m leaving the military. No, I won’t change my mind. Yes, I have plans for my future. Yes, if you want, you can be part of those plans, Buffy.” He took a deep breath.  “But, you don’t get to talk to me like I’m some little kid. You can either respect me, my decision, and how difficult that decision was to make – or we call it quits.”

            Riley looked around the room and grimaced.  “Finally, this isn’t something we should be discussing here and now.  I said I’d call you, and I will, but right now I have to get back to the base and finish packing up my stuff, then get a hotel room to rent until I can find an apartment.  I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll talk, if you still want to.” He left the shop, and a stunned Buffy watched, mouth open.

            Buffy flopped into a chair and glared at her shoes.

            Willow gulped.  “That was... What was that?”

            Giles removed his glasses and polished them.  “That was Mr. Finn standing up for himself – and doing it rather well.”  He settled his glasses back on his face.  “May we now return to the entire point of this meeting?  We still have to discuss ways and means of foiling the plans of one Quentin Travers.”

            Xander chose a seat at the table and chuckled.  “Half expected you to stick a ‘dastardly’ in there, Giles.”

            Rupert shot him an exasperated, fond look.  “I restrained myself, knowing the qualifier would set you off.”  He grinned at Xander’s snort of amusement and then sobered.  “Now then, let’s get on with it, shall we?”

*********

            Xander shut and locked the door, tossed his keys on the table, and toed off his socks and shoes. The meeting had been a nightmare, and his head was telling him it hadn’t appreciated the yelling, table-pounding, and tension that had gone on.  He trudged into the kitchen, filled a glass with water and snagged two ibuprofen from the bottle on the counter.  After taking them, he turned to face the grumbling, growling vampire pacing the length of the room.

            “Wanna tell me what’s got your fur ruffled, Blondie?  I know it wasn’t exactly a calm meeting, but you’ve been gnashing your teeth for the last hour, and it’s getting on my nerves.”

            The blonde stopped in front of him and glared.  “Oh, it is, is it?  Well, excuse me all to hell for getting on your precious nerves.  Doesn’t matter that those twits argued with every suggestion you and I made, oh no.  Shouldn’t let it bother me that the only time they shut their bloody pie holes was when their precious watcher said something.  Wouldn’t want me gettin’ into a snit because those fuckwads couldn’t seem to care less that you’re in danger.”  Eyes yellow and glowing, Spike thrust his head forward and snarled.

            “Hey!  They’re my friends.  And yeah, they pissed me off, but bottom line – I still care about them. So while they may be ‘fuckwads’ they’re my—”

            “Yeah, I know.  They’re your fuckwads.” Golden eyes bled to blue, and Spike snickered. “Reckon we’d go a few more rounds with ’em if they heard ya say that, though.”

            Xander chuckled.  “Yeah, we would.”  He pulled Spike into his arms and rested his head on the vampire’s shoulder.  “I don’t know about you, but I’m beat.  Four hours to hammer out a plan is _not_ my idea of a fun time.”

            Spike ran strong hands up and down Xander’s back.  “Nor mine, pet.  But at least we have one – more than we could say yesterday.”

            “True.  C’mon, Jolis.  Let’s go to bed.”

 *********  

            Spike watched Buffy and Willow break away from the group and veer off to the left, moving rapidly toward the cemetery. “What are those dozy bints doing? They’re supposed to stay with the watcher and the mage.  The slayer’s not supposed to split off until Rayne and Willow start with the mojo.”

            Xander opened his mouth to reply, but snapped it shut when a piercing scream came from the area ahead of them.  “Willow!” He started running, and Spike kept pace with him.  They emerged from the trees, barely breathing hard, and trotted toward the crypt where Travers was supposed to be meeting his men.  Once they had it in sight, they slowed to a walk, allowing Giles, Tara, and Ethan to catch up.

            “Mr. Harris, I’m coming out.  I have something of yours, so please don’t be hasty in your actions.”  Travers emerged from the low, stone building, Willow held tight against him as a shield.  The gun he had pointed at her temple stopped everyone.  He stepped into a pool of light and smiled.  “Very good.  Now then, Mr. Harris – if you’d be so kind as to remove your pendant, we can end this futile and increasingly annoying exercise.”

            Spike growled as Xander’s hands moved to unclasp his amulet.  “No, luv – please, it won’t help.  He’ll kill her anyway.”

            “Nonsense – the witch could prove quite useful.  Remove your charm and come to me, Mr. Harris.  I give you my word no harm will come to your friend.”

            Xander’s mindvoice was calm.  _*I have a plan.  Be ready; we’ll only get one chance.  Shield yourself.*_

            Xander removed the pendant and dropped it into Spike’s hand.  He walked slowly forward.  “You want power, right?  Want to control me, see what my gift can do for you.  See how you can use it to control others.”

            Spike scented Xander’s indomitable will and felt the gathering of his mate’s empathic abilities.  _Oh, hell._   Abruptly he shut down the link, shielding his mind and emotions from what was coming.  _No time to warn the others, they’ll have to see to themselves_.

            Xander stopped ten feet from Travers.  “Let her go, and I’ll come to you.  And while your word means little to me, you know I don’t break mine.”  He stood, seemingly relaxed, but Spike knew his mate well, and could see the readiness in his body.

            Travers looked the brunette over and sent a glance at the rest of the group.  He nodded.  “Even if they ran, they’d never reach you in time.  Very well, Miss Rosenberg, move forward.”  He released her and pointed the gun at Xander.  “You come this way.”

            Willow stumbled toward Xander, her green eyes frightened.  They met five feet from Travers, and Spike heard Xander whisper to her.  “Keep going and don’t look back.”  She opened her mouth and Xander shoved her towards the others.  “Go!”

            When Xander was just outside arms reach of Travers, the older man aimed his weapon at Xander’s face and pulled a set of handcuffs from his pocket.  “That’s close enough, Mr. Harris.”  He tossed the manacles and they landed at Xander’s feet.  “Put them on.”

            Xander knelt and reached for the cuffs, his eyes still locked on Travers.  “Want to know what I can do?  Curious about what abilities you’ll be able to tap?  Think a bullet’s faster than a thought?  Let’s find out.”

            Spike heard the jump in Xander’s heartbeat and began edging toward the two men.  As soon as Travers flicked his gaze toward the vampire, Spike felt Xander release his pent up emotions and fling them toward Travers.  Even with his mental shields up, he caught a small measure of the ferocity of Xander’s empathic bolt.  Travers never stood a chance.  His scream of anguish died when Spike raced forward and broke his neck.  

            Xander remained on his knees, his hands pressed into the dirt and head bowed.  Spike dropped Quentin’s body and knelt beside Xander, wrapping his arms around the trembling man. “I’ve got you, Sweetness.  Relax, luv.”  He kept up the soothing litany while running his hands gently over his mate’s body.  Willow rushed over, reaching for Xander, and received a snarl and a yellow-eyed glare.

            “Don’t you growl at me, Spike.  I have every right to make sure Xander’s okay.”

            “Don’t talk to me about your rights, witch, when you couldn’t stick to the plan.  You endangered—”

            A shaking hand patted him on the chest.  “I’m all right, Jolis.”

            Another glare at Willow, and Spike returned to comforting Xander.  “Can you stand, pet?  Wanna get you home.”

            “Giles, why is... I just wanted to... Make Spike stop!”  Buffy skidded to a halt beside Willow and added her complaints to the redhead’s.

            The watcher leaned against the crypt.  “Willow, you and Buffy could have caused a disaster here.  Why you chose to ignore a perfectly good plan is – well, it’s neither here nor there at the moment.  I think it best if we all went home.  We can talk about this later.”

            Buffy gaped at him.  “But Giles, we just want—”

            “What you want doesn’t matter!”  The older man visibly reined in his temper.  “We all felt that blast of emotion, though I doubt we got much of it. None of us are prepared to discuss anything right now. Xander said he’s all right, although he’s obviously exhausted.  Spike will take care of him.”  He touched Spike’s shoulder.  “You’ll call if you need anything?”

            Spike nodded and helped Xander to his feet.  “Will do, Rupert.  Don’t expect to hear from us for a few days, though.  Boy needs rest and food, not questions and fussing.”

            Giles nodded.  “Get him home, Spike.  I’ll handle this.”  He turned to the two girls. “We’re leaving, now.”  He pointed to his car, and Buffy and Willow trudged toward it.

            Spike got Xander settled into the truck, buckled the seatbelt, and pressed a kiss to the dark hair.  “Home soon, luv.”


	9. Epilogue

            “So,” Xander said, eyeing the door of the Magic Shop through the dark tint of the windshield.  He hadn’t seen the gang in four days, and wasn’t looking forward to it now.  “Here I go.  Wish me luck?”

            Spike kissed him.  “Luck, love, happiness – all those things, pet.”

            Xander leaned his forehead against Spike’s and sighed.  “Yeah, just... Got a bad feeling about this, yanno?”

            “And that’s why we packed for a quick getaway.  If it all goes arse over teakettle, we’re out of here and on our way with no waiting.”

            “You told Dawnie and Mama Joyce where to reach us if they need anything, right?”

            “Did that, luv.  Tara, as well.  You know that; you were there.”  He pressed another kiss to warm lips and pulled back.  “Now, get on with ya.  Might be all this worry’s for nothing, yeah?”

            Xander’s eyebrow lifted.  “Do you really believe that?”

            “What I believe doesn’t matter right now.  Gotta go through it, anyroad.”

            Xander nodded, stepped out of the truck, and walked through dappled sunlight to the door of the Magic Box.  The bell jingled merrily as he opened the door, and he noted with relief that everyone was already there. _Good, no waiting for anyone to arrive.  Just say what I have to say, and be done with it._

            Giles, Ethan, and Anya were seated next to each other on one side of a square table.  Buffy and Willow sat on another side.  Tara was curled in a chair over in the corner, and Riley was leaning against the door to the training room.  Tea cups and soft drink cans were spread over the surface of the table.  “Hi, everyone.  Thanks for coming.”

            Giles smiled.  “We’re more than happy to meet with you, Xander.  Are you and Spike all right?  No residual stresses or wounds from the fight with Travers?”

            Xander shook his head.  “We’re good, Giles.  Slept for fourteen hours that night, ordered in enough food and blood for five men and vamps, then slept another twelve hours.  Other than that, no problems.”  _Hope I can still say that after this talk is done._

            “No problems?”  Buffy’s voice was shrill.  “We have plenty of problems.  Giles gave us the word on your harebrained idea about the hellmouth influencing Willow and me.  Gotta say, it’s probably influencing you more than us.  You’re the one hanging with the evil undead, after all.” 

            Xander sighed.  _So much for no problems.  Good thing I’ve learned to live with disappointment_.

            “It isn’t affecting me, Buffy.  I have strong wards on my home and myself.  Add to that the shielding Ethan taught me, and I doubt much of anything can influence me unless I want it to.”

            Willow looked at him.  “What makes you so special?  I have wards and shields too, you know.  Why are yours better than mine?  I’ve been studying this a lot longer than you, buster.”

            “Yeah, you have.  But my wards aren’t based on energies drawn from this place, and my shields are part of the empath package.  So there isn’t any leakage.”  He shrugged.  “Ethan or Giles could probably explain it better, but it is what it is, Willow.  And none of that is why I’m here.”  He took a deep breath and released it.  “I just wanted to let you all know that we’re taking a short vacation.  We’ll be back in about three weeks, and then we’re moving.”  He saw Willow’s mouth open and raised a hand.  “We found a place ten miles outside of town, deeper into the woods than my current house – far enough to be outside the range of the hellmouth.  Spike doesn’t want to stay too close to town, and doesn’t like the idea that so many people now know where we live.  Frankly, neither do I.”  He glanced at Giles and Ethan.  “No offense to you guys, okay?  It’s just... I’ve had enough.  I need–”

            “You’re leaving us?  Leaving the fight?  Some friend you are.”  Buffy glared at him.

            “I’m not leaving you or the fight, Buff.  Just – taking a short break.  When we get back, we’ll still patrol, although probably not with the Scoobies.  The, uh, peaceful demon community has asked us to keep an eye out in their area.  We’ll still be available for anything big that you folks might need help with.”

            Buffy’s glare hadn’t dimmed.  “You’re going to be patrolling the _demon_ areas?  With _Spike_?  Are you insane?”

            Giles pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Buffy, do be quiet.  When did this come about, Xander?  I haven’t heard of any problems in that part of town.”

            “Not so much problems as ... concerns, I suppose.  With the military back – even though that’s quieted down with Travers gone – they’re unsettled.  They just want someone they can count on to make sure nothing gets out of control.”

            Ethan’s grin was wicked.  “You and Spike are well-suited to that.  You both inspire trust in the demon community.  Or fear.  Either way, it works.”

            Xander chuckled.  “I’ll pass your approval on.”  He ran his fingers through his hair.  “And now for the rest of my news.  Spike and I are, from now on, a package deal.  You want one of us, you get both.  We’re in love, and planning to stay that way.”

            “You’re what?  I swear, Fangless is dust.  How long has he been using you?  Where is he?  How could you let him do this to you?  What were you thinking?”

            Buffy subsided into a mutter and Willow jumped in, her words tumbling over each other.

            “What did he do to make you... What could he... Is it some sort of thrall, or maybe... He’s not a nice person, Xander.  He’ll ... he’ll hurt you, maybe turn you.  What if he gets the chip out?  Xander, you can’t... You wouldn’t be safe.”

            Xander’s voice rose over hers.  “He isn’t using me – he loves me and I love him.  We’ve been together for almost a year, and he hasn’t hurt me in all that time.  What I was thinking is that he’s the one I want.  Why the hell can’t you be happy for me?”

            Buffy’s lip curled in a sneer worthy of Spike.  “We might be happy for you if you had any sense.  But this is just Insano Xander, at his best.  Or worst.  Whatever.  I mean, if you told us you met some girl ... or even some normal-type guy ... just, not Spike.  Is he blackmailing you? Maybe he mojoed you.  Willow, Giles, get with the anti-mojo spell.  We can fix this, right?”

            “Of course, that’s ... maybe he did a love spell, or a control spell, or ... goddess, it could be anything.”

            “We’ve been through this already. There’s no spell.  No blackmail.  No evil plan.  Just me, Spike, and a lot of love.  You’re supposed to be my friends, although I’m not picking up on the friendly-type vibes.”

            “I’ll show you all the friendship you need after I stake the Biteless Wonder and get you out from under his thumb.”

            “Of course we’re your friends, but, how can you even think of hooking up with... It’s worry for you, Xander.  If he gets the chip out... We love you, of course we do.”

            “Not so much with feeling the love or trust.  More like feeling the puppet strings.  As in you twitch ‘em and I should move.”  Xander stared at his two ‘bestest friends’ and frowned.  “Like, all’s right in the world, so long as everything’s the way you want it, and fuck what the rest of us want.”

            Buffy’s eyes narrowed and Willow spluttered.  “Xander, you don’t understand—”

            “What don’t I understand, Willow?  Buffy’s dating soldier-boy, and good for her.  You’re getting your groove on with Tara, and again I say yay.  Giles is keeping time with my ex, and more power to him since they’re perfect for each other.  Spike and I are planning a happy-ever-after, and suddenly I’m Idiot Xander who needs intervention.”

            He took and released a deep breath.  “What I understand is that change is of the good for everyone – except little old me.  No, I have to stay the errand boy, the fuckup, the one who can’t maintain a relationship.  I have to hold the dead-end jobs, fetch your donuts, trip over my own feet, and provide comic relief.  I’m not allowed to grow as a person, improve myself, or make my own choices.  Tell me I’m wrong.”

            Willow’s lip quivered.  “But, the chip is the only thing... If he gets rid of it–”

            “The chip, the chip – you’re fixated on that damn thing.  How do you think he snapped Quentin’s neck?  The chip’s already gone.”

            Green eyes widened.  “No!  You can’t think... You have to see how dangerous he is.  And you’ve been acting different, not ... normal.  You’ve always been normal-guy and this isn’t ... surely you see that.  Why can’t you see how suddenly everything’s changed?”  She reached for him, hands grasping at his shirt.

            Xander stepped back.  “It isn’t sudden, Wills – and I’ve never been normal-guy.  Did you miss the memo about my abilities and your misuse of magic?”  He shook his head.  “You’ve been in college for three years.  In that time I’ve found work I enjoy, a house that’s mine, friends who accept me as I am, and a man – who  happens to be a vampire – to love.”  He sighed.  “Did you know I have galleries all over the state asking for my work?  Did you ever wonder how I learned to make the weapons I’ve given Buffy, or what I’ve done with that knowledge?  Hell, did you even notice I’m better at fighting and not getting hurt?  That last is courtesy of the vampire you say has ulterior motives, by the way.”

            Buffy crossed her arms and glared at him.  “That’s not fair.  We’ve been busy with school, and slaying, and–”

            “And life.  Yeah, Buff, I get it.  But I’ve had work, slaying, school, and life, and I still called you or Wills three or four times a week, still offered to meet for coffee, still showed up here for the research parties.  When was the last time either of you called me when it wasn’t a hellmouth emergency?”

            “Hey!  I called to congratulate you on getting the house, mister!”  Willow’s green eyes snapped with fire and indignation.  “Wait ... school?  What are you ... you’re in school?”

            “Yep, you did call.  Eight months ago, which was three months after I moved in.  Neither of you has bothered to visit me there.  You probably don’t even know the address.  And I told you about the school thing when I started ... last year.  Graduated top of my class and got a scholarship _and_ a request to teach a class for next year.”

            Buffy glared at him.  “You so did not tell us about school, or art galleries, or anything else.  You’re just trying to cover your ass because you and Spike are fucking, and you’re making Willow miserable.  So stop it, right now.”

            “Xander, I’m sorry about not coming to your house, but, but you never gave me the address.  And I would have remembered about the school thing, if you’d told us.  Maybe you meant to, or, or thought you did.”  Willow’s eyes were full of reproach.

            Xander stared at them, his eyes burning with tears he wouldn’t let form.  They were his friends, people who were supposed to care.  And apparently, they didn’t even hear him when he spoke ... ever.

            “But he _did_ say all those things.”  A soft voice broke the sudden silence, and all eyes turned to the chair in the corner.  Tara blushed, but stood and moved forward.  “He told us he thought he was bi-sexual the last time we were all at the Bronze – I guess it’s been almost two years since that happened.  And he came in one night, so excited because he’d sold his first piece to a gallery, and the price was high enough for him to attend a local school in metal art.  Just a month after that, he told us about the house he’d bought, and what he planned to do to make it truly his.  He even gave us all his business card, and that has his address on it.  The only thing he didn’t mention until recently was Spike.”  She took a breath and pushed her hair back.  “It’s a lovely house; he renovated it himself and you can feel him in every room.  I’ve been there quite a few times.”  She lifted her chin.  “It always feels like home.  I’m sorry you’re giving it up, Xander – but I know you’ll make the new house just as wonderful.”

            Xander smiled at her.  “I didn’t want to get you in trouble by mentioning it, but – thanks for that, Glinda.”

            She gave him a nod and the others a sly look.  “That alone should have given it away.  He’s been calling me Glinda for a long time.  Only one other person does that.”

            Buffy stopped pacing, her face set.  “Know what?  This is me not caring about any of that.”  She picked up a stake and headed for the door.  “Once Spike’s dust, we can get everything straightened out and fixed.”

            Xander stepped sideways to block her.  He kept his voice and face calm, though his heart pounded and his mouth was dry.  “Sure, Buff, you do that.  But before you go, I have a little show and tell for you.”  He pulled the collar of his tee shirt aside, baring the obvious bite scar.  “We’re not _fucking_ – we’re _Mated_.  We did it right before the battle with D.A.R.T.  It’s permanent and irrevocable.”  He shot a hard look at Willow.  “Can’t be undone with magic, either.  Anything you try is likely to give you the equivalent of magical whiplash.  In addition, you hurt one of us, the other will know it.  Giles can give you whatever details you can’t live without, but there’s only one more that matters right now.  If he dies, I die.”  He let go of his collar and stared at the blonde.  “Still want to use that stake?”

            Buffy’s mouth thinned.  “He turned you.  Oh, god, you’re his childe.  I’ll make him pay, Xan.  Right after I take care of you.”

            She drove the stake forward and Xander’s hand came up.  Before anyone else could move, he’d disarmed her, spun her around, and shoved her to the floor.  He looked down at her, feeling a muscle in his jaw clench as he tried to contain his anger.  “Still human, _Slayer_.  Sunny outside, or didn’t you notice?  I walked in here without a cover, remember?  Still breathing, still have a heartbeat, didn’t trip the mighty slayer senses, and all that shit.”  He shook his head in disgust.  “I said I’m his _mate_ , not his childe.  Haven’t you learned anything?”

            Buffy and Willow stared at him, mouths gaping.  Something close to horror or disgust flickered in their eyes, and his heart contracted painfully at the sight.  Tara stepped around the two women, leaned in, and gave Xander a kiss.  “I’m happy for both of you.  Have you told Dawn you’re leaving?”

            Xander nodded against her hair.  “Yeah, we stopped there first.  Joyce and Dawnie were great.  Don’t want us to go, but... You know we can’t stay right now, don’t you?”

            She hugged him and patted his back.  “I know, Xander.  Safe journey, and keep in touch, okay?  Blessed be.”

            “Tara!”  Willow’s cry was disbelieving.

            She turned and faced them, eyes and voice steady.  “What?  All of you should know that when a vampire claims a mortal as a mate it’s permanent.  You should know that death for one means death for the other.  You should _also_ know that the claim won’t take unless their love for each other is genuine.  It’s written in the books Mr. Giles has in his collection.”  She leveled a stare at Buffy and Willow.

            Giles stood.  “Tara is quite correct.  As for the feelings between Xander and Spike – well, let’s just say they convinced this stodgy old man.  Xander, I hope you and Spike have a wonderful vacation.  And I wish you many happy years together.”

            Willow fluttered her hands.  “Well, but... So okay, that’s what the books say, but that doesn’t mean–”

            Xander straightened his back.  “Doesn’t mean what, Willow?  Doesn’t mean it’s true in this case, because it’s Spike?  Or me?  Doesn’t mean there isn’t a magical way around it?  Doesn’t mean it’s real?”  He pushed away from the door and reached back for the knob.  “I’ve had enough.  More than, in fact.  Everyone else accepts it.  It isn’t my fault you and Buffy don’t, and I won’t apologize for my heart.  I’m taking a vacation – with Spike.  Give you two some time to adjust to this, adjust to us.  If you can’t – if things aren’t better when we get back, you won’t see us after that, unless we happen to pass each other in the street.  You think about that while we’re gone.”  He stepped outside the shop and closed the door gently, ignoring Willow’s pleas and Buffy’s demands that he return.

            Ten steps away, his truck idled at the curb.  He climbed into the passenger seat, buckled the safety belt, and waved toward the street.  “Let’s go, Blondie.”

            Spike sighed and pulled away from the curb.  “I heard everything, pet.  M’sorry.”

            “Not your fault.  They just ... can’t see, or won’t accept, the changes in me ... in us.”  He scrubbed his face with hands that shook.  “Maybe ... maybe they just need time.”

            “Could be, luv.”  He rested one hand on Xander’s knee.  “Time’s been known to solve a lot of things.”  He steered around a convertible full of drunk college students and headed out of town.  “Next stop Los Angeles?”

            Xander nodded.  “Yeah.  At least Broodboy knows the score.”  He shook his head.  “Still can’t believe we have his blessing.”

            “We might take the piss with each other, but we’re still family, pet.  Family counts.”

            “Used to think so.”  Xander stared out at the passing scenery.  “It’s... I’ll be all right.  Don’t worry, okay?”

            “Can’t help that, luv.  Like asking a vamp to give up blood, it is.  But I won’t carry on about it.  That’ll do ya, yeah?”

            “Yeah, that’ll work.”  He remained silent for a moment, then spoke softly, knowing Spike would hear him.  “Just ... it hurts.  That they think so little of me.  That they figure I need to be ... fixed.  Like I’m broken or damaged because I love you.”

            “Nothing anyone can do about it for now, luv.  Why don’t you try to sleep, yeah?  Must be knackered after all the wrangling.  Plus, you put in a full day’s work and then some, getting everything ready for today.”

            “I’ll just rest my eyes.”  He sighed and settled deeper into the soft leather of the seat.  “Glad we had Ethan and Giles put a protection spell on us.  Might want to look into more of that when we get to L.A.”

            “I’m sure Wesley’d be happy to check into it for us.  C’mon, Xan, stop fretting.  We’ll be fine.”

            Xander’s lips curled in a smile.  “More than fine, Jolis.  We’ll be perfect, as long as we’ve got each other.”

            “Forever, then, Sweetness.”


End file.
